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CARL WORRIES ABOUT FRED AND SHARES INTIMACY WITH WIFE
One Death at a Time
CARING AND SHARING by writerwish
 Category:  General Fiction
  Posted: September 24, 2013      Views: 230
Chapters:
 ...6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 

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 WRITERWISH 
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 ABOUT
WRITERWISH 

I am currently editing my first book. It is a memoir. I would like to find an agent. I have sent query. I am exploring self-publishing too. Any ideas? I've had some articles published in local mags, but my writer's wish is to become a better - more...

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Background
Carl looks for a way to end his horrible pain from bone cancer. He and his wife are relieved when they find a euthanasia home. They meet the other guests and attend groups.


CARING and SHARING (CARL WRITES IN JOURNAL)

There just isn’t any reason why he needs to condemn the whole culture of people.

Last night, I talked with Fred. I am worried about him. He talked about the Spanish guests here like they had personally attacked him. At least he was somewhat polite at the dinner table tonight. I tried to reason with him for they were not the ones who hurt him.

He was a little more settled down when we got back. Maybe he is going through some kind of anger stage because his wife, Wilma, is dying.  All his joking around may just be a way to cover up his pain and anger. Perhaps tomorrow he will feel better after going to his own group where he can vent about losing his wife. Right now he is more focused on his prejudices.

I remember reading about the five stages of grief and I know anger was one of them. He already has high blood pressure and he doesn’t need a heart attack.

We still don’t know who is dying--- Grandmamma or the young woman. Fred said he knows it’s the “Old Grey Hen”.  But of course, this is only his guess. God, I hope it is not the young girl. She looks to only be about mid twenties. That would be awful.

Look at me. Here I am going to die in nine days and I am worrying about people I hardly know. This place is just so weird. I feel like I’ve known Fred as a friend for a long time. Maybe tragedy does that to people. Sometimes, I feel so good being here, I forget this is not a vacation.

But in a way it is.

It is a vacation from worrying if this will be the day? A vacation from worrying how long I have to endure and how much more can I take. Before this place, I thought several times about taking my own life. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I didn’t want to wait until…I needed someone to change my diapers.  I just don’t know what I would have done if we hadn’t found this place. I think the only thing that held me back was what it would do to the kids and Colleen.
I know Colleen will get support. She is an excellent Mom and Grandma. I wonder if her friend, Eloise knows about this. They’ve been close for many years.

What if Colleen can’t take the secrecy any longer? How then would everyone react? I hope they will not blame her for going along with my plan. Maybe I should call my son, I know at least he will understand. But then what if he wants to come see me. Okay, now I have worried myself into a stew and I have to go to sleep soon. Thank God for sleeping pills.

“Carl, are you coming to bed?”

“Yes Colleen, I think I have written all I want to for one night.”

“Do you think the writing is helping you?”

“Actually, I do, I feel that after I write the worries down, I can leave them in the book. I just noticed as I closed the book, it felt some relief. I know you think I am strange. But I am not a stranger.”

With that I got very close to her, just holding her breast in my hand. My right arm moved over her back and onto her buttocks. I never told her how comforting this was for me. I knew she was mine. Yes, my Colleen.

Would this be our last chance to make love? Could I even make it through this? I wanted to.

“Carl, what are you doing? Do you think we still can?”

“I’m willing to try, if you are.”

“I’ll get undressed first to make it easier on your back. Don’t look.”

I turned around to respect her wishes. I too finished getting undressed.

And under the sheets we went to a wonderful romantic interlude. 

It would not have qualified for a soap opera flick by any means, but that’s not what love is about. It’s just about two people who want to show their love.  And we did.

 

The book continues with THE CAREGIVER MEETING. We will provide a link to it when you review this below.

Author Notes
Thanks to Doris1022 for great pic

Characters:
Mom-The proprietor and caretaker of this euthanasia house
Carl (now Roger)-Bone cancer patient looking for relief
Colleen (now Cindy)- Carl's wife
Fred-Talkative husband who has a wife that is dying here
Wilma-Has 40% of heart working and lung problems. She worked at hospice and is resolved to did here.
Smiley-Young 32 yr old with pancreatic cancer who has been told he would have 3 months to live. Wishes to cheer up others.
Hazel-A volunteer who comes in to clean and cook. Her husband died here and she has been volunteering since.
Greta-Has brain tumors and dementia. She likes to pretend she is back in the civil war period and plays cards. Barely recognizes her sister who visits
Grandmamma-Grandma of Lydia who has come to US to take Lydia here
Lydia- Twenty-eight-old who has end stage Lupus with Kidney and Liver Disease
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