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 Category:  Humor Fiction
  Posted: July 19, 2018      Views: 166

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My name is Susan Weimer. I chose the handle "Insignificant Weed" because I am a Dandelion. The Dandelion is a weed. It is a bright pretty flower that when you have many of them, you actually have a "bouquet." The Dandelion is a prolific re-generator - more...

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This work has reached the exceptional level
Writers seek suggestions from Ann
"Dear Ann Landers" by Insignificant Weed

Dear Ann Landers: I need help with this 2-4-2 poem I am writing for a FanStory contest. In it I want to express the deep hurt I have experienced when my boyfriend and I broke up. I was devastated and still struggle with feelings of rejection. I want some words that will allow me to vent and get my feelings out on to paper. Pooky Baby

Dear Pooky Baby: Without even a skeleton of a poem, your passionate plea for understanding deserves five stars. I think the words you are looking for are "crushed," "shattered," and "smashed." You have already a good start with "devastated" and "rejection." Writing is a good way to highlight the deep-seeded emotion of total rejection. You are on the right track in venting your feelings. Remember: "It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all." This poem will help you recover. Remember that you must love yourself first. Just because someone else rejected you doesn't mean that you are worthless. In fact, you become a strong person by accepting and loving yourself. Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I want to write a mystery about a murder sprinkled with romance for a FanStory contest. A woman who is thought to be a double-agent is murdered. The two detectives working on the story, Dick and Jane, become romantically involved while searching for clues. My aim is to keep the reader intrigued until the very climax of the story. I wanted to know what you thought about my opening line: "It was a dark and stormy night . . ." I feel that this would set the tone for the story, deepen the mystery, and create an awesome setting. Mystery Writer

Dear Mystery Writer: Your suggestion deserves five stars. Here is the advice I would give to you. In many circles, "It was a dark and stormy night" is considered a cliche. However, on occasion, it can be used to call attention to the very fact that it is a cliche. My suggestion to you is that you have some introductory notes that indicate your purpose in using the cliche for attention. You also need to consider your setting because some places might not be "dark and stormy." The addition of a RAGING storm would really add to the mystery and dreariness of the story. Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I submitted this poem in a contest that requested the poem begin with one word and end with a word that was an antonym for the lead-off word. Here is my poem: Truth / can be twisted / and formed into a / lie." I can't understand why I got so much backlash from the general reviewers of FanStory. I mean, my base just loved it. Someone even rated my poem two stars! Are there options for providing "damage control?" Donald Trump

Dear Donald: Your entry is definitely a six star rating. I can't imagine that a FanStory reviewer would rate your poem two stars. It is so expressive of what you are all about. I would just ignore the general reviewers and turn to your base supporters. After all, they are the people who are keeping you going. My suggestion is to keep a low profile, keep on tweeting meaningful poems, and find out what dictators say about your poem. Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I asked the membership to enter a contest that reviews the reviewing system used by FanStory. Many of the writers complain about the star system, the rankings, the awards, and the quality or lack of quality of the reviews. Many people complain that everyone gets five stars whether they deserve it or not. The majority of the complaints center on over-flowery reviews and reviews that just don't tell the writer much. I am looking for ways to improve the system. Can you help? Fan Story

Dear Fan: Let me ask you one question? Are you losing members over these complaints? If not, I would just leave the rules and guidelines as they are. Let me tell you, the exchanges on this site are so much better than the ones I see on Facebook. At least you are considerate and allow the writer to warn the readers about offensive language. I know you have Forums for this, but how about having writers display their entries with purposeful mistakes and see if the reviews can find it. This would tell you whether they know their business or not. My suggestion is to make the Forums more attractive and allow writers to ask for suggestions about their writing without a ranking system. Provide feedback for the Forums from your main system that displays: Replies, Reviews, Messages. Hope this helps. Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing this op-ed for FanStory and want to let libtards know what I really think about them. I am tired of them spitting on and protesting conservative values. Everyone knows that conservative values are the only ones that count. If they could only realize that these fanatics are not making themselves lovable, but "despicable." I don't intend to ever speak to a libtard again. The FanStory site keeps telling me that "libtards" is misspelled. I think they need to fix that. What do you think? Polly Politics

Dear Polly: The expression of your views deserves five stars. It is a passionate plea for libtards to go away and disappear. The unfortunate reality is that they are still around. Not all of them are raucous and violent protesters. I urge you to consider at least speaking to them so that you can understand what they are talking about and protesting. Our inability to talk to one another in a calm way is detrimental to our democracy. I know this might be hard, but just think about it and get off the band wagon. Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I entered this free-verse poem into a FanStory contest about expressing respect for nature. I wanted to show how much I appreciate nature, the animals, the stars, and the fast-food restaurants. Needless to say, my entry didn't get any votes. Many FanStory reviewers called me out for including fast-food restaurants. So what is wrong with: "The cow becomes a hamburger?" and "The stars hang over a Chick-Fil-A?" I just get a sense that these reviewers don't have a complete understanding of nature. Nature takes many twists and turns and eventually serves our needs. We should appreciate it while we still have it. Conservation Activist

Dear Conservation Activist: Well, I'm telling you, this is definitely a five star entry. You might want to reword the references to the fast-food restaurants to make them more appropriate for an appreciation of nature. For instance, you might want to change your line about cows to: "The cows munch on the bright green grass before they become hamburger." The line about the stars might go something like this: "The twinkling stars brighten the night and shine on the super-busy Chick-Fil-A." We need writers like you who can get to heart of conservation issues and, in turn, lead us to a greater appreciation for nature. Keep on writing! I'll bet you are someone who hugs trees. Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: Fantasy is the world I live in. I just love fairy stories, munchkins on the march, wizards, and any creature with supernatural powers. It is hard for me to get out of my world, so I like to write stories about characters that make our world mysterious and fanciful. I entered a FanStory Contest with an entry entitled: "Mushroom Munchkins." In this make-believe world, mushrooms come alive and start a war. They are tired of living in dark, damp places and want to fight off the wizard farmers that keep them in these conditions. In the end, the mushrooms win. They come above ground and are immediately dried up by the fierce sunlight. So, there are no winners in this story. Needless to say, my entry was at the bottom of the contest list after voting. What do you think went wrong? Fanny Fantasy

Dear Fanny: Even if you didn't win the contest, your entry earns a five star rating. My advice to you is that a little more intrigue could have been added to the story to build up the reader's anticipation of the climax. In general, most people do not like situations that are lose/lose. Is there some way you can make the ending more positive? Just a tip from Ann: don't dwell on the negatives. It is a wonderful world you live in. It provides escape from the cares and concerns of daily life. Keep the charming princes, beautiful princesses, fairy godmothers, and the three little pigs in an affirmative light. You will not only win the hearts of your readers, but of the FanStory reviewers. Keep on writing and don't quit. The world needs you and your fantasy stories as a means of escape. Ann Landers

Review Reviewing contest entry


Author Notes
This is a spoof on the reviews that FanStory reviewers write.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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