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 Category:  Humor Fiction
  Posted: March 13, 2019      Views: 75

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Leaves you to carry on with the trip
"To Japan" by Lulube



Eddie and Ruth, lived in Ladner, a small town on the Pacific west coast of British Columbia. Today was the result of ten years of savings. They're off to Japan.

"Okay then Eddie, do you have the cameras?"

"Yes, I told you that already."

"And the chargers?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

"Okay then Eddie, what about enough underwear? I don't want you to turn them inside out!"

"Relax Ruth, I have enough of everything."

Ding, dong-ong-ong. It was the taxi driver.

"Come on Eddie, grab this one, that one and oh, your suitcase too. I'll grab my night bag and be at the taxi," and she headed for the taxi.

Eddie grabbed two suitcases and briskly walked them to the curb beside the taxi, then ran back into the house.

"Hey Eddie," she yells

"Ya."

"Did you pack that thing that tells you words?"

"Oh shit," he muttered. "Ya, ya, it's packed," and he ran down the hall to the bedroom and spotted it on the night table. As he turned around, fumbling to put it in his pocket, the force of the turn flew the little black box out of the pocket, smashing into the wall.

"Shit!" He picked it up and put it in his pocket.
_________________

"Eddie, have you noticed how everyone here bows to you?"

"Ya, makes you feel important."

A man walking with his family, bows and says, "Ohayou, (Ohio)," and passes by.

"Ohio? No we're from B.C.!" he yells. "Boy is he on the wrong track! Hey Ruth, let's go for lunch after we dump our suitcases."

"Okay Eddie, I'll wait in the lobby. Don't forget that thing."
_________________

The waitress greets them, "Konnichiwa," bows and leads them to a tiny room.

"No, knees are fine," he responded and they followed behind her.

"Eddie, look, slippers! And pillows!

The waitress points to the liquor menu.

"Eddie say hi to her."

Eddie fumbles with the box and says, "Bonjour."

Waitress scrunches her nose, pointing to the menu.

"Eddie, let's get some of this tea," pointing to a picture of Saki in a teapot.

Eddie pushes buttons again and says, "Mucho," and the waitress leaves, returning with two teapots of Saki.

"Eddie, let's try those," and she points to dumplings.

Eddie finds a word, "Pierogi."

"And these prawns look so good,"

Eddie says, "Calamari," pointing to the picture.

The waitress bows and leaves.

"Geez Eddie, you're so good with that thing," her eyelashes were fluttering.
________________

Eddie asks for the cheque, "La Quenta," as he downs the rest of the Saki in both teapots.

The waitress giggles and returns with the cheque, "Doumo, Konbanwa."

"Hey I know that one, Kumbaya! Funny tea they have here, eh Ruthie?"

"I need some help Eddie," she whines, trying to stand up.
________________




.



"

Faulty Translating device contest entry

Author Notes
translations:
Ohayou - oh-hi-oh means good morning
Konnichiwa - kon-nee-chee-wah means hello/good afternoon
Konbanwa - kon-bahn-wah means good evening
Doumo - doh-moh thanks

Bonjour - bon-jour means hello/good day French
Pierogi - peer-oh-gee means perogi Russian
Calamari - kal-ah-mar-ee means squid Italian

Kumbaya - a folk song, first published recording in 1958 by the Folksmiths,
also recorded by - 1960 Joan Baez, 1965 (most popular) The Seekers, 1980 Raffi, 1996 The Riverside Gospel Group, 1998 Peter, Paul and Mary

Believed to be by many music historians to be pidgin English and a transliteration for the prayerful plea to God: Come By Here

Captured in 1926 by Robert Winslow Gordon, the first head of the Archive of American Folk Song. Recorded singer - H. Wylie sang "Come By Here" in an accent that sounded like Kumbaya. a decade before Mr. Frey claimed to have written Kumbaya.

British Columbia/B.C. - a province in Canada, it is the west coast of the Pacific Ocean, between, Alaska, U.S. and Washington, U.S.



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