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 Category:  Humor Poetry
  Posted: April 19, 2019      Views: 92

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"Like every book I never wrote, it is by far the best book I've ever written."

G. K. Chesterton

He is a top ranked author at the #11 position.

He is an accomplished poet and is currently at the #76 spot on this years rankings.

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This work has reached the exceptional level
I'm so, so, sorry
"Ode to a Floater" by Mark Valentine
O, ye buoyant loaf of brown
Whom gravity cannot pull down,
Who, like a surfer on the waves,
The roaring liquid tumult braves.
Though tempest-tossed by swirling rush,
You manage to survive each flush.
The vortex that would vanquish all
Cannot hold you within its thrall.
When lesser turds have all been drowned,
You resolutely stand your ground,
‘Til you alone are left to reign
O’er this sea of porcelain.
Thou chestnut lump of excrement,
Why don’t you go where others went?
To understand this, all we need is
The principal of Archimedes.
The water you displace, of course,
Exerts on thee an upward force,
Which, in your case, exceeds thy heft,
Thus, when we flush, you’re all that’s left.
Archimedes and his facts
Explain this well -- still something lacks.
Though ancient Greeks with all their math loom
Large, from my view in this bathroom,         
The coldness of their detached science
Cannot attest to your defiance.
So, take your ensign and unfurl it
Proudly sail across the terlet!
O ye noble Number Two!
Ye russet-colored lump of poo,
I know that one day you’ll be gone,
But ‘til that day my friend, float on!



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