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 Category:  General Script
  Posted: January 14, 2020      Views: 67
Chapters:
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CRYSTIECOOKIE999 

Have English B.A. with Creative Writing Emphasis from the University of Utah. Came back to Fanstory.com after 6 years gone to practice more genres of writing and get writing prompt ideas. I have written over 1500 poems, twenty songs, and sixteen scr - more...

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Chapter 2 of the book The Legend of John Shane
western humorous script: Tale of the Rustlers' Trace Scene 2
"A1S2 Legend of John Shane" by CrystieCookie999



Scene 2

Outskirts of Logan, Utah. JOHN and SHORTY enter, both wearing cowboy hats, white shirts, jeans, and boots. SHORTY is also wearing a buckskin jacket. JOHN is also wearing light brown leather vest and appears tired while lugging a saddle on the opposite side of his hip holster, which contains a Colt .45 or gun from the period. SHORTY is ambling along and appears distracted while reading a German dictionary/guidebook.

SHORTY
(Reciting style.) Guten morgen. (Pause.) Uh, Good morning. Guten Abend. Mmm, good evening. Guten Nacht. Good night.

(JOHN stops to take a breather and wipe his forehead with a handkerchief or the back of his hand, while SHORTY, distracted, bumps into JOHN's back.)

JOHN
(Turns around, irritated, and drops saddle.) Hey, now, Shorty, I know the purpose of a sidekick is to cover my back, but I don't think you gotta get that close to do it! What'n the world are you readin' there, anyhow?

SHORTY
Oh, sorry, John. I was just studyin' German here.

JOHN
German? What on earth do you havta know German for? You only just mastered English a little while ago.

SHORTY
Aw, it's on account of my last girlfriend. She was one of those Mormon girls.

JOHN
Mormon girls? Don't you know any girl is trouble, and if'n she's Mormon, that's a double whammy? Why, you mighta got married and missed helpin' me out here on this trip!

SHORTY
(Scratches head.) Well, I reckon you're right, John, but she sure was purty! Besides, she got me to thinkin' I oughta start doin' my gen-ee-aw-loh-jee. (Takes off hat and holds it close to his heart.) After all, I'm mighty proud to say I belong to the Vanderhoffenschmidt family tree.

JOHN
That's your last name? Vander-hoff-uh...

SHORTY
It's Van-der-hof-fen-schmidt.

JOHN
(Pauses and grimaces.) Yes, well, Pilgrim, I guess if you gotta, you gotta.

SHORTY
(Puts hat back on head.) Besides, this German dictionary here is so complete, so thorough and well-written and up-to-date, why, it's even got you in here.

JOHN
Whaddya mean, it's got me in there? You mean it says "John Shane" somewhere in that book? All right, Shorty, let me see that. (Stands closer to SHORTY to look at the page SHORTY points out.)

SHORTY
Yep. See here on page 13. Every time someone does something nice, everybody has got to say your name. See? You have to say, "Danke Shane."

JOHN
Danke Shane? Why, that doesn't say "Shane," it says "Schön." It's "Danke schön"!

SHORTY
Gee, I didn't know you knew German, too!

JOHN
(Exasperated.) No, no, no! Danke schön is what them Germans say when they want to say "thank you."

SHORTY
Say, they sure are grateful to you, John. Did you rescue their cattle for 'em sometime?

JOHN
No, I...aw, never mind. (Picks up saddle again.) You know, we need a trail song. Music makes the journey lighter. How about it, Shorty?

SHORTY
Sure, John. I'll sing back-up.

(ELLIE and IDA also come on and stay upstage to sing back-up.)

(Song) "John's Trail Song"

JOHN
Say, how much farther is it to get to the middle of this Logan town? We've been walkin' for almost a mile now.

SHORTY
(Shrugs.) Beats me. Anyway, I wasn't the one who made you lug your saddle this far.

JOHN
Well, it's like this. If we don't find a place to sleep pretty soon, I have me a built-in pillow with this saddle here. Besides, I didn't feel good about leavin' it back in the blacksmith shop where my faithful horse, Sterling, is at. It's a shame Sterling threw that shoe so late tonight the blacksmith had already shut down his forge. Plus he was completely out of spare horseshoes.

SHORTY
Yeah, and not only that, but I think we caught him as he was about to sit down to eat dinner.

JOHN
The only thing is, I didn't trust the blacksmith one hundred percent. He was givin' me some ugly looks when we knocked on his door. In fact, when we first entered Logan, I noticed quite a few people were givin' me ugly looks. (Drops the saddle again.) Take the gentleman in the first row here. (Indicates a man in audience with thumb over his shoulder.)

SHORTY
(Closes dictionary, keeps it in his hand, and steps a little closer to the audience.) Where? Aw, now I see him. Stand up there, sir, will you? (Wait for a MAN in audience to stand.) Aw, gee, John. He ain't givin' you an ugly look. That's just what he looks like all the time. (If MAN is sitting by his wife, add the following line: ) See? Even his wife agrees! She's nodding her head. (To wife in audience.) Psst! Nod your head!

JOHN
(Moves up closer to SHORTY and peers out into audience.) Oh, are ya sure? All right then. Guess you can sit back down now, Mister. (Wait for MAN to sit down.)

SHORTY
Well, we just had ourselves a bit of bad luck. That's all it is, John. First my horse wanders off while we're asleep last night, then tonight your horse gets a flat tire.

JOHN
A what?

SHORTY
Uh, sorry, wrong century.

JOHN
I'm not so sure your horse just wandered off, Shorty. Didn't you tie your horse to a tree like I did?

SHORTY
Nope. Just ground tied him.

JOHN
Well, I've been warned to look out for a few diehard cattle rustlers and horse thieves in this end of the state.

SHORTY
No foolin' now, John?

JOHN
Yep. (While talking, JOHN places one foot on top of his saddle on the ground and crosses his arms in a positive, self-confident way.) My guess is one of them will show up now, any second. (Pause.) Yes sirree. Any time now. Should be comin' around the corner now. (Pause.) Ahem. Yep. Right about...NOW.

(MARYANN enters from Stage Right, sniffling loudly and holding a lacy handkerchief to her eyes and dabbing them as if she were
crying.)

SHORTY
(Looks MARYANN up and down, but only in a friendly way, then leans over to talk to JOHN semi-confidentially while indicating MARYANN with his thumb.) Gee, John. Which one is she? A cattle rustler or a horse thief?

JOHN
(Removes foot from top of saddle to stand with both feet on the ground. Sarcastically, to SHORTY.) Ha ha ha. (Tips his hat to MARYANN.) Evenin' to you, ma'am. Isn't it a little late to be out walkin' alone?

MARYANN
(With an independent attitude.) It's not so very late. (Softens.) Besides, I always (Sniffle) take a walk when I'm worried about somethin' truly and terribly awful.

JOHN
(Shrugs.) Oh, well, in that case...

SHORTY
(Elbows JOHN.) Say, John, aren't you goin' to ask her if she needs help?

JOHN
Oh, uh. Sure, sure. Well, ma'am. It sounds like you could use a friend right now. Would you care to unburden yourself and let me know what's troublin' you?

MARYANN
No, no. I couldn't. I mean, I just met you. I don't even know your name.

SHORTY
Yes, you do. Don't you remember, in Scene 1, when we all met up?

JOHN
(Sternly.) Shorty, stick to the script. She doesn't know my name yet. (To MARYANN.) It's John. John Shane, ma'am. (Tips his hat again.)

MARYANN
Well, John-John, I--

SHORTY
(Laughs/guffaws.) No, it's not John-John. It's just plain John. As in, "I have to go to the--"

JOHN
(Glares at SHORTY, who stops short.) Shorty, I'm warnin' ya.

MARYANN
(Manages a smile.) Actually, I thought it was kind of funny. Makes you sound like my father tellin' my little brother to behave. I wish both of them were here right now. (Sighs.) But they're gone. My parents and little brother all died five months ago, of influenza. I would have caught it, too, but I was away visiting my Aunt Elizabeth in St. George. I came straight home to take over the family farm. By the way, my name is MaryAnn Claussen.

JOHN
(Kindly.) Well, Miss Claussen, that's a lot to take on at your tender age now.

SHORTY
Yeah, but what's this truly and terribly awful thing you mentioned?

JOHN
(Sternly, to SHORTY.) Shorty, that's my question. (To MARYANN.) So, Miss Claussen, what's this truly and terribly awful thing you mentioned?

MARYANN
(Walks to far right edge of stage and wipes eyes with handkerchief again.) The problem is, the mortgage payments have fallen behind, and I don't want to lose my childhood home. Besides, I...I just can't run the farm anymore by myself. Not unless I get married and have a husband who knows what he's doing, business-wise. And right now, the only way out seems to be to marry...Mr. Cole Black. (Says name with obvious disgust.)

JOHN
Mr. Cole Black? Who's he?

MARYANN
Why, I thought everyone in town knew who Mr. Black was. But I reckon, both of you aren't from Cache Valley?

SHORTY
Nope.

JOHN
(Sternly, to SHORTY.) Shorty, stop stealin' my thunder. (To MARYANN.) That is to say, nope. (Pause.) I'm from Arizona, and Shorty here was born and raised in Idaho, with a spell in Kansas City.

MARYANN
(Paces back and forth slowly while speaking.) Well, you're a long way from home, John. Mr. Black has been tryin' to court me for the past four months. It's not that he's ugly, and he has been tryin' to give me expensive presents, but I just don't feel right about marryin' him. He's the one who owns the mortgage on my parents' farm, and he says if'n I marry him he'll tear up the mortgage, and the property will be in my very own name. Nobody else has made me any marriage offers, so I don't see any other way out, especially since he has been so persistent. I can't prove he's doing anything illegal, but I get the feeling he'll stop at nothing to get me and my land. If you could only help me, I'd be mighty grateful. But I don't know how...

JOHN
(Pulls out Colt .45 six-shooter from holster and polishes the muzzle with his sleeve.) Miss Claussen, you can stop worryin' that pretty head of yours. Why, with Shorty and Slim here, this Mr. Black won't dare try to force you to marry him. We'll set up watch on the perimeter of your property, and Slim will show him we mean business.

MARYANN
Slim? (Peers behind JOHN, then SHORTY.) Who's Slim? Did you bring someone else?

JOHN
(Laughs good-naturedly, holds up his gun in front of him, muzzle facing upstage away from the audience.) Why, ma'am, Slim is what I call my gun. Slim the Triple Slick Six-shooter. (To someone in AUDIENCE.) Yeah, you just try sayin' that six times fast. I double dare you.

MARYANN
(Skeptical.) Your gun? You named your GUN? (Shrugs.) Never mind. (Paces a few steps to the right.) Now where can I have you men sleep, so my neighbors' tongues won't start wagging? (Retraces path back towards JOHN.) I know! There's an extra barn, oh, about twenty yards from the house, and it's almost empty. I can fix up a couple of bunks with pillows and blankets. You should be pretty comfortable this time of year.

JOHN
(Replaces gun in holster while MARYANN is talking. Tips hat.) Ma'am, we'd like to thank you for your hospitality. (Picks up the saddle.) And as soon as I get my horse, Sterling, back from the blacksmith, I'll be glad to run any errands you need done regardin' your property.

MARYANN
Oh, is that where your horse is? All right then.

SHORTY
Yeah, and we'll make sure Mr. Black gets the welcomin' party that's comin' to him, and I don't mean a weddin' party!

MARYANN (Beams.) All right then, boys, follow me!

(MARYANN exits Stage Right, closely followed by JOHN carrying saddle, and SHORTY.)

(Lights down.)


 

The script continues with A1S3 Legend of John Shane. We will provide a link to it when you review this below.

Author Notes
Once again, Cache is pronounced "Cash." I figure Shorty spent time in the Kansas City which is actually located in Kansas, not the Missouri city of the same name. Utah is the headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the Mormons. There are plenty of church members in Idaho, which is Shorty's home state, too.
Pays one point and 2 member cents. Artwork by seshadri_sreenivasan at FanArtReview.com

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