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Reviews from
Idol Adventures


Based on personal African experience via Hollywood

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
tmwood400
 
 
Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 3 -
Strangers Stalking in the Night
I enjoyed the energy, the imagery, and the flow, but was confused by what was actually taking place. There is a lot of back and forth between telling the story, and asides to the reader, a complete jumble of past, present, dream state, etc... a lot going on, not sure where it is going.


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
    Suggest you just "go with the flow" as its all in fun. It might help to read the preceding 2 chapters but might not either. Thanks for reading and commenting ... Dennis
Comment by
mizzkris20
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 2 -
Where Am I Going?
I enjoyed reading your work. It was a pleasure reading it.

Thank you for sharing such fine art. Awesome!

You have done an amazing job. congrats!


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2012
    2 exactly the same replies to 2 different articles; the equivalent of a cyber rubber stamp?
Comment by
jjstar
 
Review Stars
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 2 -
Where Am I Going?
Okay, this is going to have to be part 1. Gotta go make dinner. I'll be back in about an hour to finish. Your challenge from me is to do away with the passive verbs..I think it would spice this crazy story up even more than it already is. :)

Suddenly, I clutched my greasy wad of bills closer, as a new plan seeped through the sandy beaches of my mind like MacDonald's hot coffee though an old ladies dress, all to the tune of Surfin' USA!===might want to break this very long sentence up a bit. Suddenly, I clutched my greasy wad a bills closer. A new plan seeped through to the tune of Surfin' USA. The sandy beaches of my mind, like MacDonald's hot coffee through an old lady's dress, would seek out One-eyed, One-eared, One-legged happy and buy the map to the ......

He had offered it to me once before when I had pulled him to safety just before he got El Cruncaded by the crazy car. ==He (get rid of the had...lol)offered..

had pulled him---get rid of the had...

map to the Idol with the Golden Eye,(insert comma) which would make me rich.

Sometimes,(insert comma) it seemed,(insert comma) he didn't even know he was missing some parts.

Once,(insert comma) I saw him put his foot up on a chair just to stop and intimidate some guys on the deck of The Palace. Wham! Down he went! Old Mr. Denial had (get rid of the had...put up the only leg he had,

The other thing I'll pass on that I've learned is that supposedly just is a dirty word for writers to use.


But now I was looking, because I wanted that map he had showed me last week. Then, I hadn't been ready to go into the darkest part of the bush and wrest fame and fortune from all the devils that lived there, but now I was! I didn't come this far to go back to New York to hear the jeers and the taunts of my old buddies. No sir, that's why I left there in the first place. But this time, I'd be coming back in style! ===

okay, now I would try to rewrite a little to take out the passive verbs was, has, has been, been..maybe try something like: Now wanting (maybe stronger verb..craving, itching?? the map he flashed at me last week, not even the darkest bush or the devils who wrested fame or fortune deterred me.

Failure is not an option. Already, the sound of mocking jeers and taunts (drove==or something) me to come home in style this time.



 Comment Written 24-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 24-Oct-2012
    Thanks so far ... enjoy supper... does your husband write on FanStory? Nosey me. :)

reply by jjstar on 24-Oct-2012
    Yes, he does. His book is Under Rob Caudle. It's called Some of it's Magic. It's excellent! Just probably a little old school for you..I'm assuming you're much younger than us...lol..kay bacon is burning...gotta go!
Comment by
MelissaBickel
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
This is very interesting. I haven't read the other bits, but I think there are a few morals to the story here as well. Made me smile in many of your lines.


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
    Always glad to make readers smile! Thanks for commenting!
Comment by
justatuna
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
I thought this was an excellent story. Perhaps some will not appreciate your descriptive write, but I thought it was great. Maybe it could be tightened up a bit, but what can't? You painted a very vivid picture allowing the reader to be in the scence. Wish I had more to offer, but I'm no expert. Just know what I like. Great job.


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
    Thank you and anyone who likes my stuff is an expert in my view! Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for commenting!
Comment by
Mary Ann MCPhedran
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
This is a good write and I enjoyed the read. A well described story and easy to follow. Thanks for sharing your story with me. Mary


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
    Thank you for reading it and commenting,Mary! I appreciate you taking the time to do that!
Comment by
October21
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
Sometimes we turn around in life and ask ourselves: How did I get here? It's part of the process of moving forward with life. I like the question as the title... it gave me a lot to think about. Also, it makes the story have many possibly outcomes...

Take care,
October


 Comment Written 20-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
    Thank you but you do realize that the story is total fiction and supposed to be humorous? Your review seems to be strangely disassociated with what I wrote. Nevertheless, thank you for your efforts.
Comment by
Glasstruth
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
LOL. Wouldn't want to be on that plane. Wild and bizarre, and I like it. Seems to be like two stories in one. There's humor in one, then the other has a sentimental side to it. Very original. Keep it up! Les


 Comment Written 20-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012
    Yes, I do a lot of digressing in this book ... it gets worse ... or better depending on how much readers like diversion. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Comment by
MidnightWriter4U
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
Very funny story. I especially like, "... a drug-laden small plane being manually started on a moonless night by a drunk spinning its prop. Some say King had a hand in it.". I assume this part of the story continues elsewhere, further on, in this work. A very enjoyable read.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
    Thank you. No, King is incidental as part of a bad pun (are there good puns?)but the story continues staggering on. Thanks for reviewing.

reply by MidnightWriter4U on 19-Oct-2012
    You are welcome. Enjoyed this! MN :)
Comment by
Cornelius2000
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
How Did I get here?
I'm not sure where you're going with this, but you're getting there with a completely bizarre sense of humor (which I'm enjoying....and envying).
Check "That things a piece of junk." Needs an apostrophe...."thing's" Small matter....fun story.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012
    Thanks so much, glad you liked it. I'm making this stuff up as I go along so I don't know where I'm going either! Thanks for reading and commenting!
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