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42 total reviews
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Comment by | | | | | | Poet Rating
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 Rank: 194 | | | |
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Comment by | | The goal in life is to be better today | | | than you were yesterday. | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 39  (+1) | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 15 | Author Rating For Novels
Rank: 15 | Script Rating
Rank: 3 | Review Stars
 Rank: 27 | | | |
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Comment by | | rumours and innuendos | | | rumours of innuendos | | | Poet Rating
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Rating of Chapter 32 - Leap of Faith (Pt 2)
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Well done, Jay! Thanks again for reposting these last final scenes. It does answer some questions, but it raises a few more. I am still not sure if Pondria and Doctrex are the same person or some other type of bond. The wound suggests he is at least tied to him in some fashion. A reincarnation of sorts. Am I close?
"Well, The fact was you wanted to die. No capitalization of the.
Take care,
Russell
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Comment Written 15-Mar-2016 |
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016
Many thanks, Russell. A reincarnation is about as close as we can get to it. Don't forget he DID die the first time he jumped, and it was during that time he ended in the Pool or Arlangua where he joined with Pondria (which was a kind of chance encounter). The moment he was resuscitated by the fireman, the chain was broken. That was the reason he had to go back and do a better job of it. The reason it was so important though, was that according to Kyrean prophesy, Pondria and Axtilla were to destroy Glnot Rhuether.
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reply by F. Wehr3 on 16-Mar-2016
Yes, he was resuscitated. That makes sense! Thanks, I am clear now.
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Rank: 194 | | | |
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Rating of Chapter 32 - Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
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Hi Jay,
Like I mentioned, I read the last four chapters all the same day in one sitting, and I had enjoyed them, made a bunch of mental notes and was curious and appreciative to how this is going to factor in with the end of book 3:
Noticed all those: And, But, Then, .... but you know those need fixing.
I liked the slow revelation of the depression, the upcoming shock therapy possibility, the added dimensions of Viktor being in a mental hospital... I wondered how Axtilla got into Barbara... or how easily she broke him out of the place. But those kind of answers would likely come from reading from the beginning.
She wore a grim expression when she first left the parking lot, but now *she allows herself* to relax a bit more. She looks relieved. (paused on the certainty of the statement on it's effect on pov. Part of me figures this is only Doctrex's assumption, I think the allows is what paused me)
The dashboard clock gleams 10:52. Why is that important? I
(Attention to the time worked well for me through this, when I read this all together, I noticed it and liked the backwards affect it had on my understanding it's significance)
release it so it dangles again from her fingertips. (again dangles)?
I hold the watch, chain, and her hand[,] in both of mine for a moment, smiling at her[,] before sliding her gift into my palm.
(suggest delete commas)
She stares[,] solemnly over the top of her steering wheel, but
(why that comma?)
"There was enough (time?) to warn you about with your drifting
immediately, and pebbles pop against the undercarriage.
(This chapter pulled me along as I read it, I liked the details like this. Nice sound/ texture detail here)
Again, thanks for this pointer where to focus for a honed picture for the effect of the end of book 3. I really enjoyed these last four chapters of book 2. It was a pleasure, I often have my brain turned up to high alert that I think I've been forgetting how to read with my mental auto correct filter on (where I catch only things that if I saw it in printed book, I would really grumble and pout.)
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Comment Written 13-Mar-2016 |
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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2016
Thanks, dear Turtle, for your suggestions, especially with the commas. I thought I'd taken care of the connective conjunctions before posting this. I know I have to go through ALL the chapters from book 1 on and make those corrections.
I took care of everything.
The question you had about adding "time" to a sentence ... that wasn't what Axtilla was trying to say to him. See if my change in the sentence gives it more meaning. It had nothing to do with time, but does it still not resonate with you? Let me know.
"There was already enough to warn you about with your drifting back, and I had no idea his arrogance and Viktor's would clash so openly."
Again, thanks, Turtle! You're the best!
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reply by --Turtle. on 14-Mar-2016
I think I see where I mistepped when I read that sentence and wanted to add the word time, I might have simply imposed my expectation of how to answer the question:
Why didn't you warn me?
There wasn't enough time with you drifting in and out. (my brain expected)
There was enough time to warn you about the drifting in and out.
(I just missed the 'with' and lost context.)
I think the change you made does force the brain to consider her answer as a length of list to discuss and not time available, though the misread might have been my own brain trip.
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Rating of Chapter 32 - Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
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So, You're bringing us back to a point where the stories collide.
I remember reading a portion of your story where Viktor/ Doctrex jumps from a bridge, in suicidal fashion in order to cross the realms.
This is deep, to die to yourself to live on the other side.
Not only does your story take me into the mind of your protagonist--it delves into the psychiatric make up of the character. Thought and dialog have always been a continuous flow, an extremely admirable trait to your writing. Because of this insight, now I'm seeing what the seer meant in the garden scene in book III, about who the character really is.
I may be wrong, but I think I'm getting it. Beneath the layers, Viktor, is regret, Doctrex, is hope, he is in reality, Pondria, destiny...
Whether or not I'm guessing or reading into it, this is a fascinating tale Jay.
Jimmy
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Comment Written 12-Mar-2016 |
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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
Wow, you've brought it to a level of symbolism that, years from now I'll say, "Yeah, that's what I meant. Seriously, thanks for delving so deeply into this, Jimmy. You are indeed an asset to me.
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