Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

True Story Contest
Deadline: In 4 Days

3 Line Poetry Contest
Deadline: Feb 25th

Tanka Poetry Contest
Deadline: Feb 26th

15 Syllable Poem
Deadline: Feb 28th

100 Word Flash Fiction
Deadline: Mar 1st


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Once A Home


Widower and two interited children, seeks normalcy

  46 total reviews 
Comment by
Lesley Collier
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
A very poignant of a husband with two children at his wife's funeral and afterwards takes the children to Burger King where he reads a journal piecing together a puzzle that leads him to a vacant house where he senses the presence of his dead wife and finding her journal telling him of his quest and advising on the care of the children and her love for them all in this final moment together. Very touching and romantic!


 Comment Written 02-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    And you did it all in a sentence! You have a future in doing those little blurbs on the backs of book covers. Thanks so much for the kind crit, Lesley. I'll be starting a brand new story tonight or tomorrow.
Comment by
Tatarka2
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
I'm really confused now, but I think that's the point, right? You've written characters the reader cares about, and this is a plot that is intriguing. The style of writing keeps the reader engaged throughout the chapter. I'm eager to read the next chapter and see what happened to Shonda, and what the "quest" could have been about.


 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    Thank you for reading and enjoying this--though confused.
Comment by
Writingfundimension
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
Hi, Jay. Your imagery is fluid and filled with emotional underpinnings in this final edition of your story. It ended on a positive note, but with some questions for the reader to puzzle on their own. Very much like a really good haiku. I think John is one of your sweeter characters. Great job!

:) Bev


 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    Thank you, Bev. I really appreciate your deep reading. I'll be starting another novella soon.

reply by Writingfundimension on 02-Jun-2015
    You're welcome, Jay. Look forward to your 'new' project. :) Bev
Comment by
Walu Feral
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
G'day Jay, I was wondering what was on the pages and about the clues earlier on when it was a bit like orienteering, now I know and am glad I do. The relationship with the kids seems to be progressing, that would be one heck of a hard situation to be in. This is wonderful stuff mate. I solved my issue with the repost this morning, I just ended up re-writing it. Thanks for your help mate, I'll use that knowledge that you gave me real soom. Cheers and great work. Fez


 Comment Written 01-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    Thank you, Fez, for reading this and commenting on it. I always appreciate your take on my writing.
Comment by
schaunancy
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
My kind of story. Love it. I especially like the venue of the old sod-floored house, perfect for the reading the letter. There is going to be more isn't there? Your words of love in the letter were amazing. Kylie's exploration of the house is just what I would expect from a young boy. A boy probably wouldn't be into the mystique of the house. He would just hope to find a critter or two. Little Ginger, too, is a typical little sleepy girl wanting to cuddle while you are in engrossed in the letter. Super.


 Comment Written 31-May-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    I didn't make too many friends with this one, Schaunancy, but ... no I'm afraid the "THE END" at the end of it meant that. I only resorted to it when 3 out of the first 7 (I believe) told me they couldn't wait for the next chapter. The story reached it's climax, though, there was a denouement and resolution. What can I say? It's over. Meanwhile, you honored me with the 6 stars. Thank you so very, very much!
Comment by
Green Lake Girl
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
It's been a very interesting tale, Jay, and I think the ending was perfect. Your readers should be left with a feeling that everything will be okay. Closure was found, albeit through convoluted means. Shonda leaves tidbits behind to help him raise her children, and she liberally sprinkles love among her people. This was a very different kind of story, but I liked it and it really showcases your writing skills.


 Comment Written 31-May-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    Thank you so much, Marietta. I'm glad you enjoyed the totality of the story. It was a different kind of story. The next one, though, will be even more "different". Hope to have you on board there.
Comment by
happykat4
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
I have read some of the previous chapters. Many questions do come to mind. Shondra's reasoning for leaving the pages of her journal in this place. She is certainly concerned about her children and her husband, but a riddle..the why of it? The chapter grabs the reader at the beginning and keeps my attention on the story to the end. Wanting to find out what Shondra is trying to convey and how John will handle the riddle and raising the children alone. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 31-May-2015



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2015
    When I do the eventual rewrite of this story there will be more back story explaining her riddling motivation. Thanks for sharing your concerns about it.
Comment by
thee-name
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.

I pushed the door opened. The lower hinge was missing and the bottom of the door swung from the frame and back, causing the front door to dig into the dirt and gouged a semi circle as, I with some difficulty, pushed it open.

Suggestion: take out comma by I & put comma to by as


 Comment Written 31-May-2015



reply by the author on 31-May-2015
    Thank you, thee-name, for your close read and suggestion. What you have quoted above, though, isn't what I have. The comma is after the "I", which is as it should be to isolate the indefinite clause, "with some difficulty".

    My ears always perk up when someone suggests a comma change, because I am so rotten with them. So keep pointing out what you think doesn't sound good to you. Usually you'll be right!

    Again, thanks my friend.

reply by thee-name on 31-May-2015
    thank you!
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  646
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
I waited until after midnight so I had more gold stars in my quiver. I loved the ending with the kids...I didn't want more of the story, I think I wanted more of your writing. Does that make sense? I think her Knight's Quest to find the Holy Grail was she wanted John and the kids to have an adventure that was only theirs without anything from the past...something they would always treasure...and even more so since her accidental death. That being the last place she visited and where she wrote hose wise pages, would tie them together, and maybe give John the strength and power of a Knight to fight for her kids. In my mushy-gushy heart, I see John buying the farmhouse, fixing it up, and making it a place where he and the kids could always feel her there. I loved your story, Jay. You sure know how to write these moving stories with characters that are truly memorable.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)


 Comment Written 31-May-2015



reply by the author on 31-May-2015
    Karyn, have an astounding ability to put a big puff of air under my feet for the rest of my day. I can't think of a better compliment than, "I didn't want more of the story, I think I wanted more of your writing."

    I cherish the 6 stars, of course, but nothing comes close to your supportive words. Bless you!
Comment by
Curly Girly
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 4 -
The Knight's Quest Ends
When I read this story, I felt I was delving into the realms of a major story teller (and I was!) The story has all the key elements, etc. BUT just as it was getting going--it ended! Whaaaaaaaaa!
The reader is left feeling slightly cheated: surely there's more? I want more!
I am left wondering if Shona drove deliberately into the tree. Did she know she would die? There's a bit of a weird element going on.
Good characters, etc. Simply put, I thought this was a quality story which ended in a cul de sac.


 Comment Written 31-May-2015



reply by the author on 31-May-2015
    Hey, Nicole, first of all thanks for the six, but I'm seriously wondering why you so honored it if you felt (as about 40 percent of the readers) that it should have gone on. This is the first time I wrote THE END on a story, but I was getting tired of telling people who had said they couldn't wait for the next chapter, that, UH, ain't no chapter coming soon. It's done, Kaput, finished, finito, put to bed, is a wrap.

    Personally, I can only say it would be a real yawner if I continued on. The crisis had been met and there was resolution.

    Still, thanks, REALLY, for the generous rating and kind words.

reply by Curly Girly on 31-May-2015
    What you wrote was worthy of 6. I am glad you wrote: THE END
    Otherwise, I'd be hanging on.
    Jay, I think you are brighter than most of us. We just can't figure you out yet, but perhaps we are learning: Jay does not write long stories! :)
  -1-  2 3 4 5  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
The Talk
The lives of two bestfriends


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy