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Reviews from
Continuation of Down and Out


2 Young Men Create Their Own World in San Antonio

  54 total reviews 
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Mr. Tarsdale owed me twenty five (twenty-five?)

Good--I'm looking forward to more critter crits. Those are my favorites. Good story--did you ever become a lifeguard? Take care, my friend~Debbie


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Debbie, for the eagle-eye. I added the dash. And, yes I was a lifeguard in San Antonio.
Comment by
Cumbrianlass
 
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Well, Jay, I came in right at the end, but have enjoyed the little that I've read. Many congrats on finishing this one!

"You're damn rights! - is the 's' on 'rights' intentional? Not sure.

"You come on. Tarsdiddy's giving you the break of a lifetime. You know he's got a hankerin' for you. It's like the final scene in Casablanca. You're both there in the fog. The plane's revvin' up; it's not gonna stay forever. Mr. Tarsdiddy, gazes down in your face--or up in your face; I don't know who's taller. Tears streamin' down, he says, 'It'll never work between you and me.' Get on the friggin' plane, Jay." - Great paragraph!

You're a good writer - drawing a scene with real clarity and creating the atmosphere for the reader as well as setting the bar for other writers on FS.

I look forward to reading your future work!

Hugs!


Av


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015
    Bless you, AV. I have such respect for your writing. I'm thrilled to find you enjoy mine. "You're damn rights," is more colloquial. You hear it more as, "You damn rights."
Comment by
sandragee
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Listen to Marty. Take the money and run. I had a wonderful time in San Antonio, but it is time for you to go.
"Guess it won't hurt to check it out." So Austin is next on your agenda. I can't wait to see if the people in that city is as interesting as those in San Antonio.
Excellent work from beginning to end.


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
    You will find the series in Austin, which is already written, a lot less comical in tone, Sandra. But I think you'll find it quite interesting. Thanks for reading this. Hope to see you in Austin.
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
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lancellot Recommends:
The Talk
Never too late
Pays:10 points
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#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Interesting. I wonder how much of this is actual and how much you let your imagination go a bit. The writing is spot on an usual. It seems you were very talkative back then and a bit stubborn.


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
    At the bottom of this chapter I explained I would be posting The Making of "Down and Out", in which I try to explain "Truth" and "Fiction" regarding the series. The quick answer is that I was the person portrayed. In all instances I tried to make sure the underlying truth was portrayed as if I were in that situation. I'm already sounding like a liar, and that's unfortunate. Anyway, Lance, thank you for being such a loyal reader of my series.
Comment by
write hand blue
 
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Hi Jay, you start off with an excellent description of a telephone conversation. All those little nuances that add to a whole. Then we learn that you are fired from your work as a lifeguard all written in an amusing and engaging way.

I must make sure to read the follow up. There is nothing I can suggest to improve your writing, indeed there is much I can learn.

:) Mel.


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
    Mel, you are, as ever, so kind in your review. I appreciate your following me, and am thrilled you're planning to be back for the sequel.
Comment by
alexisleech
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
I certainly did enjoy it, Jay. Your sense of humour, along with your excellent writing style, made your recollection of events both interesting and amusing.

I look forward to reading about your adventures in Austin.

Alexis xxx


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
    Thank you, Alexis. I've appreciated your following my writing for so long. It's good to know I can reserve a seat on the next journey.
Comment by
country ranch writer
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
well seems like he has come full circle and will be heading to a new adventure after getting himself fired from his last job


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
    Thanks, BJ. Yes, full circle pretty well describes it. Stick with me for the next job, will you?

reply by country ranch writer on 06-Dec-2015
    hugs
Comment by
flylikeaneagle
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flylikeaneagle - Nancy Ann Gee
 
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Jay: get out of town...maybe, the manager should have taught you how to do the chemical levels. Amazing story of the good old days, Jay. Did you write about the next job? Have a blessed Christmas season, Jay. Got the cookies baked. Some over anytime with your family! flylikeaneagle


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Nancy. The next job begins in two weeks as the sequel continues in Austin, Texas. hope to have you there. Have a blessed and joyfilled Christmas yourself, Nancy.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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#4 Ranked Novelist
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
Well Ray, so you got the sack. Maybe not so surprising after all. You didn't have a clue about pool caring after all. I liked it and will certainly follow your upcoming chapters of this story. All best. Ulla


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
    Many thanks, Ulla. So glad you liked the series and will come along for the sequel.
Comment by
ravenblack
 
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
Get On The Friggin Plane
So there was more to th boy's coughing and sputtering from the water. And the judge did not have a fetish for drinking pool water After all lol. Death by ph. Here comes a pun, you ready for it- well, nobody said the young Jay was a PhD. Working in a group home as a counselor - good luck! Another great chapter.


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
    I waited for it, Ed. Yuk-yuk. Hahaha, thanks for the read.
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