Behold: the Cosmic Do-Over
Two Lives Knitted to a Continuum
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Reviews from
Down and out in Austin


The Journey Continues

  51 total reviews 
Comment by
Stephendick24
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 2 -
3 Portraits: James, Sally & Lockup
I hope you've come to trust me enough to know I mean it about the six stars. I've probably only given four or five in my three months on fanstory. Only yours and one other do I really think deserved it. Your chapter is compelling. I usually end up skimming the longer posts even when I like them a lot. Yours left me a little angry that I have to wait until the see the resolution.

You mentioned synchronicity. I don't know if I've mentioned this to you, but I am an addict in recovery(five and a half years free of alcohol, two and a half years free of narcotics). After I finish here, I'll be going to the jail where I'm the panel leader of a Narcotic Anonymous meeting. I've been getting frustrated because the inmates(predominantly meth-related felons) are so reluctant to share and because my home group has not been supportive so I usually have to go in alone and talk too much. While I was on fanstory, I read your piece and the Chaplain from the jail called to offer encouragement. How about that?

P.S. I am free to blow my own anonymity in select circumstances.

P.S.2Thanks for the word to the unwise about providing more background along with my posts.


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
    How interesting. I didn't even look to see what you had read--just assumed it was my current post (The Trining), and I couldn't understand the connection with synchronicity. Ah, now I get it. Thanks for the Six, my friend. I'm not so stingy as you, I suppose, since I rarely get past Tuesday before I give out my last six.

    You are a courageous person. I feel privileged being able to connect with you here on FanStory. Synchronicity there, perhaps, as well. I'm a believer in synchronicity, indeed I am! I enjoyed Jung's study of the subject. Worth looking into.

    No, you never mentioned your recovery. You're performing a function as Panel Leader that is so life-affirming. I'm humbled by your role, knowing you are there to help pull up your fallen brothers, and realizing how little I've done to validate my own existence. You are a special person, Stephen.
Comment by
June Estep Fiorelli
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
Interesting, but i felt it didn't move along as quickly as your usual plot. Perhaps it was the philosophical aside about filling empty spaces and synchronicity that made it seem so. Also, you've left us hanging about Lucas (and Bobby, in a way), and we're on to, or back to James. Perhaps I'm way off base, but have you decided where you're going with this? Maybe the test of your hypothesis is what you'll use to bring this all together. Right???? June


 Comment Written 02-Jan-2016



reply by the author on 02-Jan-2016
    June, I reached the end with Lukas. He disappeared. I'll start the next chapter with James. I have been frantically trying to find some lost chapters that go into my life with the other counselors, but I've not been successful, and without them, this tale will be ending soon.
Comment by
Cumbrianlass
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
Good post, Jay. I got quite lost in it. Love the little bit of intrigue at the end. Look forward to reading onward.

A few wee things for your consideration:

The fireman holding the hose gestured to (his comrade) on the truck who opened the valve, - suggestion, only because 'the one' sounded like another hose to me. Yeah, I'm weird. ;)


having some rather severe burns treated on his stomach and his hands--(the latter) from ripping off the vent cover. - suggestion to eliminate the echo.

Indeed, I found myself transported to an earlier day, made aware of the incongruous interlocking of the past with the present. - love that.

The school must have had (fire) insurance. - suggestion

Hope you had a good Christmas!

Av


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    All three of your excellent suggestions were implemented. I especially found removing the echo of "his hands" to be helpful. Thanks so much for your evidence of such a close read.
Comment by
alexisleech
Premier Author
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  Rank:  299
 
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
Another terrific chapter, Jay. Apologies for reviewing so late, but the last few days have been full on, with Christmas taking precedent!

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and the New Year heralds lots of terrific things for you and your family.

Alexis xxx


 Comment Written 28-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
    I'm surprised I'm getting any reviews, what with Christmas and everything.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  50
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
To be honest, I just want to give a review, saying that I enjoy the read. I will get into much more detail when I read the next. But this is Christmas and we are so busy visiting and getting visitors. Struggling to keep up. All best. Ulla


 Comment Written 27-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
    I hear ya, Ulla! Thanks for stopping by.
Comment by
amahra
Beyond the Mirror
An indepth look into the soul
 
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Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
Nice narration and good action, Jay. Not a lot of dialogue which is not needed that much since it's first person.

and the hose came to life, engorged with water. [liked the new way of referring to the water hose]

wrapped like a dirty bandage around the festering wound that had been lock-up.[ Good simile]

Right now, though, I wanted to test a hypothesis.[Nice settled ending]


 Comment Written 27-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
    So happy you are enjoying this, Ama. Only a couple more chapters. I always appreciate your evidence of a deep read. Have a Happy New Year.
Comment by
write hand blue
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
I can find no fault in the writing and find the descriptions of the rescue and the aftermath of the fire very readable. The description of Mr Greene and his white suit reminds me of colonial dress I encountered in Australia in another time.

Your painstaking style of presentation where you present a portion of the previous chapter is a great help to the reader.

Interesting, well written and a credit to this site... :) Mel.


 Comment Written 27-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 28-Dec-2015
    Many thanks, Mel. I appreciate your reading this and I'm thrilled you enjoyed it.
Comment by
I am Cat
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
Hello Jay,
I'm late with this but not really as I can think of nowhere I'd rather spend my first six of the week, than with you.
I hope your Christmas was lovely.
I'm on my iPhone, in my old teenage bedroom, no good internet... Reading your chapter...
Driving back to Texas tomorrow and I'm hoping to finally get past some festivities (until my husband comes back home on the 7th )
I have enjoyed this story so much. I look forward to starting The Trining if I ever catch up!
Love and laughter,
Cat


 Comment Written 27-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 27-Dec-2015
    I don't think you know what you'd be getting into by starting the Trining. It is in three books and is pushing 1000 pages. But thanks for this six! It means a lot to me that you enjoy my posts. I don't know whether you were notified that "At the Precipice" is posted as a preface for my two "Sins of the Grandfather" LONG poems to post later next week. YOU DRIVE SAFELY, you hear?
Comment by
Earthwriter
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
interesting piece i felt it was very helpful to display the previous chapter helps the reader get a feel for what has previously transpired excellent piece of writing


 Comment Written 26-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Earthwriter. Glad you enjoyed this one.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  54 (+1)
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Review Stars
  
 Rank:  63
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 3 -
Aftermath: Lukas and Bobby
Hi Jay
I can see you put a lot of thought while you were writing this chapter. Of how to me you showed much emotion and yes compassion to how you felt when there was the tragic fire

Then the boy James how you took so much concern about after James read the last letter from his father.
Well written so a reader desires to keep reading your true story
Gert


 Comment Written 26-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015
    I'm really happy it resonated with you and that you're planning to read the next chapter.

reply by Gert sherwood on 26-Dec-2015
    you are welcome
    gert
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