Wearing Masks
Dalton continues free verse journaling.
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Reviews from
Picture This


poems from Picture This Challenge

  31 total reviews 
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
She's Turned To Stone


Wow, potent poem! Congrats on being nominated. Much deserved (and a contender for my vote).

Excellent crafting of meter and rhyme and fine phonetics (not listing them...just applauding).

I did note a few punctuation suggestions for your kind consdiration:

*
One day(,) a drifter wandered into town and looked around--

*
He drank to take away the sights,(no ,) and to remove the pain.
He turned around and then he said, "I have a tale to tell,(no ,)
about a world that we once had,(no ,) but now has gone to hell.

"But greed came by and squeezed the world, we took all that we could,(;)



Favorite stanza:

"But greed came by and squeezed the world, we took all that we could,
The more we seized, and less we gave, we never understood--
to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,
And now they're gone, there's nothing left our children to bequeath.


One suggestion to replace the word TAKE so that it is not repeated twice in this line:

to take the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,

Maybe kill, cut, raze...ah yes, raze works great:

to raze the trees, we'd take the lungs that clean the air we breathe,

Potent closing note.

Powerful poem. Thanks for voicing this crucial perspective...retrospect in advance!


Lvoe,
rd



 Comment Written 08-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2017
    Thank you so much, Rama, I have made all the grammar corrections, and used the word 'raze' instead of 'take'. Excellent word! Thank you. :)) I'm so pleased you liked this poem that was high praise coming from you, my friend, and I really appreciated it. Big hugs! :) Sandra xxx


























































































































































































    +

reply by rama devi on 08-Feb-2017
    Big hugs to you too! Thanks for your kind reply. So glad you like the word idea! :-)))) Love, rd
Comment by
Selina Stambi
 
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Rating of Chapter 24 -
She Walked with God
Hello, lovely Sandra,

Loved the memories that returned, of my Sunday School days, as I read.

We saw the glow shine in her eyes, the soft smile on her face--
and we knew as we looked at her--she walked in God's embrace. .. love these lines. They have such a ring of truth. I think most of these wonderful women never married and gave their whole lives to serving God.

Thrilled to see how well your novel has been doing. Proud of you! Hugs and love,

Sonali xx


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2017
    Hi my dear, Sonali, thank you for this lovely review. I used to love her and other missionaries coming to out Sunday School to tell us their stories. It's something that stays with you throughout your life.

    My novel began as a short 4 part story, but the reviewers told me it could go further and so I went for it. I was gobsmacked how popular it was, it won the BoM 5 times, and came 2nd once. I'm over the moon. Now I hope to get it ready over the next few weeks/months to send to some agents in the hope one will accept it.

    Biggest ever hugs, my friend, I'm sooooo happy you are back again. :))
    Lots of love! Sandra xxxx
Comment by
Mary Wakeford
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Rating of Chapter 24 -
She Walked with God
So lovely a poem and a tribute, Sandra, to all those missionaries who influenced you as a young child. The image you've chosen to accompany this is wonderful, and almost reminds me of my mother. The glow shine in her eyes, the soft smile on her face--... Simply lovely image.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
    Thank you, Mary! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was so taken with the photo of the lady, her face and eyes did shine through like a woman who walked with God. Your mother must be a lovely lady, my friend. Thanks again, for this lovely review. :) Sandra xxx
Comment by
WalkerMan
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Rating of Chapter 21 -
The Storm
This is both a smoothly flowing ballad of the sea in which sailors escape a storm unscathed, and an expression of faith that God gives us signs of His presence to reassure us that He is there for us when we need Him most. Well done.


 Comment Written 29-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
    Thank you so very much for your lovely review on this poem. I'm so pleased you like it!! :) Sandra xx

reply by WalkerMan on 30-Nov-2016
    You are welcome, Sandra. Yes, I do like it. If you would like to see another poem with similar theme, look up "Ballad of the Tempest" (1880) by James T. Fields. Yours stands up well in comparison. -- Mike

reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
    I will go and find it and have a read. Thank you! xx

reply by the author on 30-Nov-2016
    Goodness me, it's lovely. Thank you so much for the compliment you have given mine! He had his daughter remind him that God was there, while I had seagulls. :) That was so nice of you. I am going to read some more of his now. :) xxx

reply by WalkerMan on 30-Nov-2016
    You are welcome. With four illustrations, Fields's poem is included in my 8" x 10" literary art book (paperback, First Edition 2015, Second Edition pending). Your poem is equally heartwarming. -- Mike
Comment by
Drew Delaney
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Rating of Chapter 21 -
The Storm
Loved this poem, Sandra.

I am so far behind everyone here. Hope Icancatch up next year.

I love the rhyming and the cadence was lovely as well.

Good on you.

Drew xx


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 24-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Drew, that was so nice of you to come and review this one. I've got a lot to catch up on, every time I get close to it, so another 50 appear! Thanks my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment by
Maureen's Pen
 
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Rating of Chapter 21 -
The Storm
Dear Sandra, I thought this was really well penned. It was perfect for the picture which you were to grasp with your imagery. You did it justice and I found the flowing lines read wonderfully aloud.
Excellent work my dear.
Thanks for sharing.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Hugs
m


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 24-Nov-2016
    Hi Maureen, thank you so much for this lovely review. I wish you a lovely Thanksgiving too!! Hugs back, my friend. :) Sandra x
Comment by
Aussie
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Kace
 
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  Rank:  160
 
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Rating of Chapter 21 -
The Storm
Great AABB rhyming and the illustration was so right for your poem. "keel under duress" why not stress? Now you know why I call you Mrs Seagull - messenger. Pity you didn't enter this in the Faith Poetry contest my friend! Best wishes, K XX PS: it is said never kill an Albatross, very bad luck.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 24-Nov-2016
    Thank you so much, Kay, I don't enter contests much now, I've been so busy with this book, its something I've dreamed of doing all my life but didn't think I could. I'm really pleased you liked this poem, these Picture This challenges have kept me going with my poetry, which is good, as that has been a big part of me and I don't want to give it up. Not long for Christmas, and I haven't made my cake yet!!!! Going to do it over this weekend. Thank you again, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

reply by Aussie on 25-Nov-2016
    Dear Sandra, I have watched you go from strength to strength with your writing; mainly stories, not so much poetry. Stick to your path and who knows? Would be like J.K.Rowling, pensioner one day, millionaire the next. I will still pop in and write now and then, too busy this time of year. Love you heaps and look out for the goodies in the mailbox. No peeking! XXX Kay.
Comment by
ElegantButler
 
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Rating of Chapter 19 -
The Journey
A wonderful poem of courage and love. I really loved the imagery of the old west and the journeys women took to be with those they loved. And thank you for using the word Indians. I see nothing wrong with it. It didn't come from that old story of Columbus thinking he was in India (it was called Hindustan at the time). Great work!


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
    Thank you so much for reading my poem, I'm delighted you enjoyed it. I'm really into your book, and will catch up with all the chapters gradually throughout today and tomorrow. Nice to meet you! :) Sandra
Comment by
JTStone
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Rating of Chapter 20 -
The Autumn Lady
Hey, Sandra
I love your poems. You have a way of always bringing in the sunshine into your verses. I'll get to your story, but I couldn't help but peek at this.
Very well written, like a visual piece of music.
Jimmy


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 15-Nov-2016
    Aww, bless your heart, thank you, Jimmy. Poetry is a lot easier for me to write, but I'm enjoying the challenge of the book. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment by
Mary Wakeford
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Rating of Chapter 20 -
The Autumn Lady
It is hard to believe you had a hard time to write of this challenge, because you pulled it off beautifully from the perspective of Autumn being the peace maker between Summer and Winter. I loved that perspective. Well done!


 Comment Written 13-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Mary. The difficult part was trying to put the Autumn Lady into a poem, as the artist clearly personified her as Autumn that I wanted to do it in words. I'm really pleased that you liked it, thank you! :) Sandra xx
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