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Reviews from
Perennials of War


Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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Rating of Chapter 115 -
Please Help!!
The only suggestion I have for this compelling synopsis of your novel, my friend, is to specify that it is the Mafia MEMBERS who are arrested, are the organization as a whole...?

It sounds like a fabulous plot, but I'm not surprised (just under too many time constrictions to take on any more reading at this time).

Best of luck!!! I'd keep the genre romance/suspense/thriller. ?? Hard to choose only one!


 Comment Written 20-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
    Thank you. I'm sorry you had to read this with no money attached.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 20-Jun-2021
    Not at all -- I am indebted to you, my friend. You've stayed with me all along, and read many of mine for two cents, even though I haven't been able to reciprocate. It's my pleasure.
Comment by
Brad Bennett
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Please Help!!
Took a run-thru of your background and synopsis, I like the story's sophistication, romance and foreign intrigue.
My first thoughts are to explore this couples radically different worlds. You have an opportunity here to provide some relief from your heroine's dark threat from evil. I'm from Texas, and you couldn't add a better contradiction, a wealth of material there. I can think of many heavy dramas that sprinkle humor for counterpoint. Imagine what happens, when he meets her parents for dinner!!! I would have him liking her first, despite it all, but circumstance keep holding them together. Then at a critical time, something happens for the bond.
As for the history, my feeling is, bring it in as the story developes. Your protagnist are the key I think.
I have one book just published and one short story in a printed collection. I'm a retired creative director and designer. If you'd like any suggestions for a cover, give me a ring. Cheers, Brad


 Comment Written 14-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 14-Jun-2021
    I will be contacting you for help in that department. I am hoping the publisher will accept the book.

reply by Brad Bennett on 14-Jun-2021
    Yes, I think you have a strong plot and scenario. I would emphasize the characters in your presentation, It's a romance first!!! With suspense to carry the excitement. History is just the reason, not the main thrust. Keep me posted.

reply by the author on 14-Jun-2021
    I sure will.
Comment by
elchupakabra
 
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Rating of Chapter 115 -
Please Help!!
Who is Drew? That had me completely lost, I thought the main love interest was Anderson Sharp, is his nickname Drew for some reason or is Drew someone else?

To answer the genre question, I would leave it as Romance unless you're using WW2 in a very meaningful way throughout the entire piece as opposed to just the beginning/intro of the story and also if they're verifiable facts tied into the story, otherwise it's not really relevant, just because you mention WW2 doesn't make the story 'historical' in context.

Hope this helps. Later daze.


 Comment Written 11-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 11-Jun-2021
    Thank you, I need to identify Drew as being Anderson.
Comment by
Rdfrdmom2
Rdfrdmom2
 
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Please Help!!
barbara:

I'm sorry I wasn't on fanstory during the time you were writing the book in question. I really like the synopsis you wrote about it, however.
I understand what you mean about proofing one's own work. You read what is supposed to be there. Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions for you for a new editor and a new agent. Good luck.

Jan


 Comment Written 09-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 10-Jun-2021
    Thank you for dropping by.
Comment by
Mary Kay Bonfante
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Please Help!!
It seems like this would be an exciting novel, to hold the interest of many people. I have tried my best to answer your call for help :-)

I would suggest the genre "Historical Suspense and Romance."

I have suggested the following revisions, and was as picky as I could be, trying to stick to the grammatical rules as I understand them, or as I have discovered through researching small points, if I wasn't sure (and sometimes the issue can still be debatable, in certain instances):

a Jewish High School English teacher,
-->
a Jewish high school English teacher,

This unlikely couple faces retribution from the mafia ...
-->
This unlikely couple faces retribution from the Mafia ...

to fall in love with Anderson, a gentile.
-->
to fall in love with Anderson, a Gentile.

This novel's setting is in the modern day United States,
-->
While this novel's setting is in the modern day United States,

stolen from her family by the Nazi's during World War II.
-->
stolen from her family by the Nazis during World War II.

and had hid it with Great--Great Uncle Tomas
-->
and had hidden it with Great-Grand Uncle Tomas [this really is the correct term, plus it has one hyphen and not an N-dash or M-dash; I googled it for you]

stating the Nazis' had stolen the artwork ...
-->
stating the Nazis had stolen the artwork ... [Nazis, here and above, is a simple plural term, not a possessive]

In desperation to get away from three men following her from the Art museum,
-->
In desperation to get away from three men following her from the art museum,

to forcing his way in with gun power.
-->
to forcing his way in with weapons drawn. [OR at gunpoint]

police arrest him and many mafia members.
-->
police arrest him and many Mafia members.

During these threats Shana learns to trust Drew, rely on his strength, but struggles with the fact that he's a gentile.

During these threats Shana learns to trust Drew and rely on his strength, but struggles with the fact that he's a Gentile.

In the end, she has to choose between her family and her beloved; between being ostracized by her family or forsaking her true love.

Drew realizes the situation he's put Shana in and backs away. Never expecting or wanting her to have to make a decision between her father and him.
-->
Drew realizes the situation he's put Shana in and backs away, never expecting or wanting her to have to make a decision between him and her father.

***

I hope you find this helpful. I think both your descriptions are good and would pique a reader's interest. This is actually the first time I've encountered your novel. I'm sorry that I missed the rest of it, and I wish you success in its publication.



 Comment Written 08-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 09-Jun-2021
    Thank you, this is exactly what I needed. I truly appreciate it.

reply by Mary Kay Bonfante on 09-Jun-2021
    You're very welcome, Barbara. I'm happy to help. God bless you, and I hope your book is very successful.
    Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment by
amahra
Beyond the Mirror
An indepth look into the soul
 
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I read this over and over, Barbara, and I was thinking what about a title and subtitle. I was playing around with this...title ["The Unspoken"] and subtitle ["An unlikely couple faces danger and parents' worst nightmare"] or "The Unspoken: An unlikely couple faces Russian Mafia's retribution." or something of that nature. But I definitely love Unspoken as the title. What do you think?


 Comment Written 08-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
    I've never thought of a subtitle. I'll consider it. Great idea. Thank you.
Comment by
BethShelby
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Please Help!!
What a great plot. I wish I had read all of this novel because what you have written about it makes it sound like an excellent novel. There is something slightly familiar that makes me feel I may have read a chapter of so at one time. As you suggest this could be classified as romance, history, and suspense. I wish I could offer the help you say you need, but didn't anything that could use improvement in what you have written.


 Comment Written 08-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
    Thank you for the help.
Comment by
2016, 2018 and 2020 Script Writer of the Year
judiverse
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#6 Ranked Author

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Please Help!!
Good for you! Just retired and you're off and running with plans for getting your novel published. It was a great story and I'm glad a publisher's interested. To me, the proposed title "Unspoken Traditions" is a bit vague. Romantic suspense seems the appropriate category, as it's set in modern times. For your synopsis, why not start off with Shana jumping into Anderson's car and then get into the background? Just some thoughts, and best of luck. I'm impressed that you have an agent. judi


 Comment Written 08-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
    I have worried about the order of the synopsis. Thank you for your thoughts. Any ideas on a title?

reply by judiverse on 08-Jun-2021
    You're welcome. One title thought that comes tome is "Frame of Tradition." judi

reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
    Not a bad idea. I'll sleep on it.

reply by judiverse on 08-Jun-2021
    J'm sure you'll come up with something for your title. I think "Unspoken" isn't quite accurate, but we know the traditions were very much talked about in your novel. judi
Comment by
Ben Colder
 
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Please Help!!
Not sure the type of help needed. The three steps I know are the approach,
the presentation, the close. All seemed to be in order with my opinion, but it is hard to understand what some of these agents want. I recently spoke with HallMark about A Grain Of Wheat, but it never fits what they are looking for. They are in the process of change. Something to think about.
Are you doing self Publishing or traditional?
Your story is book-worthy, and I am sure it will succeed, but watch out for the sharks. They patrol the waters of writers.
This is the story about the guy in the penthouse and she gets in his car and the happening is slow but makes the grade? Yea, this is a good one, Barb.


 Comment Written 08-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
    Thank you for your wisdom.
Comment by
tfawcus
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I think this reads well, Barbara, and gives a good idea of what the novel is about. I can't see any SPAGS in it. It's not easy to condense the plot of a novel into so few words. You've done a good job.


 Comment Written 08-Jun-2021



reply by the author on 08-Jun-2021
    Thank you for the help.
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