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Reviews from
Memoir


True story

  11 total reviews 
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  16
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  9
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  34
 

#9 Ranked Author
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
Bill,

First and foremost, I truly appreciate your service. You -- and others as heroic as yourself-- are willing to do for the rest of us what we aren't even willing to do for ourselves.

I tried to imagine all of this as I read, but it's so far from my world that I can only attempt it. Great piece. Thanks for sharing and much good luck in the voting!


 Comment Written 30-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Robyn, for the terrific review. Bill
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  95
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Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  45
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
Wow, Bill, this is poignant. I gather you're referring to the Gulf War. A war that had an impact on me and my family as well. My then husband,the father of our daughter was there as well. You loved your wife and you told her all, as anyone would do who deeply cared and didn't know whether he would survive. You did survive,but you left her a testament of your love. Beautifully written. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
    Thanks, Ulla. It was quite a time.
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  7 (+1)
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Review Stars
  Rank:  14
 

#7 Ranked Poet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
You did a great job about this time in your life, Bill. Your words flow easily & make readers feel as if they are right there with you. Great details & imagery that develops, too. Thanks for sharing & THANK YOU FOR YUR SERVICE. Jan


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
    Thanks, Jan, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment by
Sarkems
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
This is a wonderful portrayal of a period in your life, combining beautiful poetic metaphor with prosaic, earthly prose, mundanity with violent action. A fascinating insight into your world as a serving military man.

Reminded me a bit of my Grandfather, who served in the desert as a marine during WW2. He didn't talk much about it, but when I told him about a planned trip to Morrocco, he said, 'What do you want to go there, for? It's full of sand. I saw enough bloody sand in the war'.

Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Sarkems, for the terrific review. Yes, the ?battles? could be quite boring with moments of life and death. Glad to be remembering and not remembered. Happy day.
Comment by
Lady Jane
Lady Jane
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
'high and tight(.)'

I am so glad I had one six left. This piece was chock full of life, love, insight, and writer's perspective. I was carried to that cinnamon desert, watching you as in a moment you wanted to create your defiant masterpiece, but mother nature took hold of the canvas and easel. Your words are smooth and steady, with only one minor nit. Seriously, this length of prose usually affords a few more as in our excitement, our fingers take over our minds and we type away. But your work, filled with life and wisdom and wartime imagery, was meticulously crafted and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Did your love withstand the storms of life?

Good luck in the contest with this entry.
Janelle


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
    Married thirty-two years now. Thanks for the exceptional review.
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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Review Stars
  Rank:  178
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
Fantastic writing from beginning to end, Bill. Love the humor about finding a private area to squat.
Once a five-ton truck looked like a Cracker Jack prize, --nice perspective simile.
Creepy about the dung beetles.

As quickly as they died, the desert would begin absorbing them. Sand, like an unsleeping artist, grain by grain, would reclaim the auburn earth; cover the last form on the tragic painting, and opaque the crimson brush strokes, leaving a new pristine canvas.

This, like the rest of your post is poetry in motion. (Pun intended)

A perfect ending. A winner in my book.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
    Wow! Thanks, Shari, for the stunning review.

reply by Spitfire on 28-Jul-2018
    You deserve it. :-)
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  42 (+1)
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Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  14
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  94
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
"Those (who) remained in their positions..."

"The Iraqi peasants (who) survived..." Bill, 'that' is used even by newscasters these days, but it's not the correct use - 'that' is grammatically incorrect. It's (who) for people, 'that' for everything else.

I'm barely able to write this review, so moved by the masterful story I've just read. I have nothing of value to offer, other than the tiny correction in two places -- I'd feel completely arrogant. This is positively brilliant writing, IMHO.

I don't have any sixes, though I doubt you'll be terribly disturbed by that lack. (*smile*) Here, however, is how I WOULD rate this if I could -
***********************************************************************************
wow. Exceptional.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
    I can't tell you, Dawn, how many times I've pointed this pronoun agreement out to students. Now I pull the plank from my own eye. Thank you for the over-the-top response to this piece. I appreciate the exceptional rating and that you bookmarked it. Happy day.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 29-Jul-2018
    You're very welcome, Bill. (I figured as much, but I had to spell it out, just in case... As I said, I'm surprised at its use by pros who should know better, so I assume nothing. :))
Comment by
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  8
Script Rating
  Rank:  4 (+1)
Review Stars
  Rank:  5
 

#4 Ranked Author

#8 Ranked Novelist

#5 Ranked Poet

#4 Ranked Script Writer

#5 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 8 -
A Lawnchair on Mars
Brilliantly told, Bill! Probably my favorite of your writings. I liked the metaphor of the dung beetle's ball for the world and all that you were experiencing at the time. I hope you'll share some of the book you wrote your wife at that time.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
    Thanks, lyenochka. I pieced this together from letters I?d written to my wife.
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