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Reviews from
Gun For Hire


First the war...the marshal

  2 total reviews 
Comment by
2007 & 2008 Short Work Writer Of The Year
Janilou
Level 2 Pro
Jan Anderegg
Author of Julu
 
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  Rank:  32 (+1)
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Rating of Chapter 16 -
Encounter with Calvary
What a great chapter. I enjoyed your vivid descriptions.

The sinking sun lights up the western sky with golden hues and vibrant reds casting an eerie pall as night descends on the prairie.

What a stunning opening line. Drew me right in.



The night cricket's chirp, the rodents scurry across the fallen leaves, and the breeze rippling through the leaves, I doze in the early hours before dawn.

Excellent writing here. I felt as if I were there.

I have some suggestions for you:

I was remembering maw standing on the front porch apron wrapped around her arms callin' me to sup I say, "I'm sorry Colonel, what did you say?"

Because your character is remembering and calling his mother by name, the word maw should be Maw.

Add comma after sorry.



So it would read:
I was remembering Maw standing on the front porch apron wrapped around her arms callin' me to sup I say, "I'm sorry, Colonel, what did you say?"

Horace reins in the team removes his hat saying, "Yes siree bob! See'd a big ole dust cloud a way North? That's where them Comanch headed. I tweren't taking no chances on gettin' scalped, no sireee, I'm not."


? missing word. and?

Horace reins in the team (and) removes his hat saying, "Yes siree bob! See'd a big ole dust cloud a way North? That's where them Comanch headed. I tweren't taking no chances on gettin' scalped, no sireee, I'm not."


Shoulders sag the missus asks, "What now?"

EIther Shoulders sagging, the missus asks, "What now?"

OR

Shoulders sag. The missus asks, "What now?"

Horace cocks his rifle and steps out from behind the wagon and says, "Gents I reckon you best be dropping them six-shooters." Smiling that toothy grin of his he continues, "Ye jist might be laying across them saddles of your'n."
(Line space needed here)
The old man says, "Drop your gun son."

Horace has the team hitched and sittin' on the seat. Tommy jumps in the back after dousing the fire. With the two hombres in tow, I say to Horace, "We'll ride a head, if one of these galoots makes a move, kill um."
(Line space needed)
Horace nods, slaps leather and we roll toward Fort Concho.


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 26-Nov-2019
    Janilou, Thank you for your review. I appreciate your time and comments. I will be reviewing your suggestions and taking appropriate actions. Again, Thank you!
Comment by
Darlene Franklin
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  Rank:  85
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  Rank:  69
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  Rank:  54
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  Rank:  340
 
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Rating of Chapter 16 -
Encounter with Calvary
I've never read a western written in present tense before, it certainly heightens the excitement! I like the way you brought three kinds of company across their path - the threat of the Comanche, the Cavalry, and the robbers, each with its own set of problems. And Jeb's hankering to get, with the question mark about what he'll find.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2019
    Thank you for your time and your kind review, Darlene. Do stop by again. Catherin

reply by Darlene Franklin on 24-Nov-2019
    I'll have to keep an eye out for it. You're welcome.
Comment by
Donald O. Cassidy
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Stumbly Up One
 
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Rating of Chapter 15 -
Runs With The Wind

Jeb, there's much to commend about your narrating a pioneer life in the old West. You present living characters, use suitable dialog, engage in live action, and keep the reader turning the pages.
It's evident you write about what you know. Your description is graphic, especially about the atrocities of scalping and gutting a defenseless woman.

On the negative side, please always proof read your stories before submitting for readers. S[ecifical;;y, work hard on puncuation. You have run-on sentences, wheredyou fail to end andstart new entence.
It is good thatyou clip sentences, likedropoingthe article a and other words. lI think your diction, your dialog isappropriate to thecharacter and the situation.

As for depicting history, your graphic details oftheviolence toward lthe comanche andApache, thaat might pass the cultural tesst, but as you knowcurently you wouldbe called a racist.
Don


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
    Mr. Cassidy, Your positive comments are noted and appreciated. Your negative comments are noted and will be reviewed. I appreciate the time you took to review and comment on the work. I'm always open to learning. [Your text comments are either your way of demonstrating your point; or you also tend to run words together; either way your point is made. ] Thank you, Sir.
Comment by
JLR
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  Rank:  200
 

#6 Ranked Poet
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Rating of Chapter 15 -
Runs With The Wind
I very nicely paced read for this reader. Having grown up reading westerns you truly have a firm grasp on the life on the plains. I would like to suggest a possible correction ... ma'am would be proper hyphenation, I believe. Good luck


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
    Thank you for taking the time to read and review "Runs With The Wind". The suggestion is noted and will be addressed. Again, thank you, for you kind words.
Comment by
fm wright
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  Rank:  226
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Rating of Chapter 15 -
Runs With The Wind
First of all, I grew up reading Zane Grey and Louie L"mour, so I was thrilled to read this piece. However, so it doesn't run together, I might have put a comma after oak and before rifle in hand he steps forward. There should also be an apostrophe in your first ma'am. I might also separate arrows were not of the Apache & could be Comanch. Anyway, enjoyed the read.


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2019
    Thank you, for taking the time to read and review "Runs With The Wind". You constructive comments are greatly appreciated and will be address. Again, Thank you.
Comment by
Shirley McLain
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  Rank:  69
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  Rank:  117
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
River Rising
Long chapter to read but it was good. I enjoy reading a good western. I did find one paragraph that needs something.

I ate pemmican with water from the canteen. Riding west I encountered four five riders. Rebs, they were, but jist trying to get home. We'd seen the same action; a farmer. We're ragged, hungry, and just plain tired.

These sentences do not read smoothly. The pemmican comment was just thrown in. Doesn't seem to go with the rest. he encountered the four Rebs trying to get home. Was the farmer the action they seen? The contraction is We are ragged, hungry and just plain tired. Should that contraction be "They were ragged........
Have a great rest of your day.


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
    Shirley, than you for the review and the constructive comments. I will give them serious consideration. Thank you, Catherin
Comment by
Randa Dayle
 
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Rating of Chapter 14 -
River Rising
Nice story, I like the time frame. Westerns are sooo cooo!

Is this a typo?
One of the other rider's yells at me, "Their Injuns!" "They're Injuns!'

That's the only thing I noticed to improve on.


 Comment Written 13-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Randy for your review and the excellent rating. I'll check on the inquiry you made; and make the necessary corrections. Thank you! Catherin
Comment by
Rob Caudle
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Rating of Chapter 1 -
Spring Arrives in the North
A very enjoyable piece here the dialect was well written ahd rang true throughout. Not an easy thing to do. Your characters were well developed and I could imagine them as flesh and blood not card boar cut out on the page a real well done story.

Rob


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
    Rob, Thank you for the excellent rating and your kind comments. Catherin
Comment by
country ranch writer
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  Rank:  113
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  Rank:  241
 
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Rating of Chapter 13 -
Biding Time
Well do you think he is going to leave for food or do you think he will turn around and come back to them? Nice work up for your story and presentation.


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
    Thank you for your excellent rating and your kind words. Catherin
Comment by
Bill Pinder
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  Rank:  39
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  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  28
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  Rank:  80
 
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Rating of Chapter 13 -
Biding Time
I enjoyed reading the chapter. I can tell you like dealing with that time in history. I look forward to reading some later. Did you ever live in the country?


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
    Thank you for your excellent rating and your kind words. Bill, I grew up on a farm and ranch in west Texas.....and I always thought I was born in the wrong era. Catherin
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