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7 total reviews
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Rating of Chapter 1 - Lost Souls of Silver Creek
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Do these two parts connect in some ways - we're headed for Northern Nev next week for a few days - we enjoy visiting the ghost towns - taking picture. You mention the man owned "every SORE and tired building" - did you mean SORE?
Typical up and down of those silver/gold mining towns. They packed up and moved in a flash when new ore was discovered somewhere
Story read well.
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Comment Written 21-Sep-2019 |
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
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 Rank: 143 | | | |
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Rating of Chapter 1 - Lost Souls of Silver Creek
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This has the makings of an entertaining Western story. At the moment, there seems no connection between the two parts but if this is just chapter 1, I'm sure it will all become clear further on. The content is interesting but there are quite a few spags so I'm giving four stars. I'm happy to give five after some revisions have been made.
A gristly old man rode his sagging mule - should be 'grisly'
The miner held the one-pound nugget in his gnarled hand for all the world to see or for the few left - comma after 'see'
Dirk Blake was first one to greet the old-timer - should be 'was the first one'
With his pale horse Ginger tethered to a scrub brush. - this doesn't make sense. Maybe 'His pale horse, Ginger, was tethered to a scrub brush.
There on the plain in his world void of human contact, he tore - commas after 'there' and 'plain'
a lonesome coyote howled unseen, and he like the coyote needed a place to be heard - commas after 'he' and 'coyote'
Before Hosea closed his grit baked eyes from his wilderness journey, He pulled his locket out, looked at his wife - I might have rearranged this to: 'Before Hosea closed his eyes, grit-baked from his wilderness journey'. Also hypenate 'grit-baked' and lower case for 'he pulled out his locket'
remembered her tangled ravine hair, and the soft pillowed flesh of her skin - commas after 'tangled' and soft'. Spelling - 'raven'
he managed to forget about the wolves and found sleeps seductive escape - comma after 'wolves' and apostrophe needed in 'sleep's seductive...'
Best wishes
Judy
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Comment Written 20-Sep-2019 |
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