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Reviews from
The Pitches


Backgound to support Pez and Pallas

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  47
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  25
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  27
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  174
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Wow-- this was well done, IMHO. I hate dropping in on a book because I am lost as to plot and so on, so have little I can offer of any value as a reviewer. That said, however, I think I might have one thing to say, maybe two, that you will find helpful.

First, narrative IS important -- FanStory (and some members) is somewhat obsessive about "showing", not "telling", if you ask me, and this is only one, small part of a whole chapter, I'm quite sure. (Most chapters in a novel take at least 300 or 400 words, and they are VERY scarce. Usually they're more like 2,000 or 3,000 or more.)

Secondly, any good story always NEEDS narrative -- the example I will use from FanStory is one of my favorite writers here. If you have not read any of her novels, I highly recommend them, even if it isn't a genre you usually read. She's brilliant, and ALL her novels contain narrative -- Margaret Snowdon. She has several historical romance books in print.

Another FS author who writes a fair bit of narrative (and whom I greatly admire) is Patrick Cox. His "Limehouse Boys" reads like a Dickens novel. (Sadly, though, he's no longer on FanStory, but his books have been published and well-received. The "Harry Heron" adventures might be to your taste, as well as the previously-mentioned one. He's written and published nonfiction too.)

I haven't read any of the rest of this book (I have far too much on my plate to follow another novel right now) but if this is any example, I think it must be a fine story you are writing. Excellent!


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
    Thank you, Dawn, for the terrific review and reading suggestions. Bill

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 12-Feb-2020
    You're most welcome.
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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Poet Rating
 
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  Rank:  10
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Review Stars
  Rank:  108
 

#10 Ranked Author
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 1 -
First Job
Had to read the opening to get the gist of the chapter I'm reviewing. Very clever to question the guard and smart of him to give wrong answers and thus save his life.


 Comment Written 10-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
    Thanks, Shari, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment by
kiwigirl2821
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  Rank:  129
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  Rank:  292
 
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Hi Bill. There is nothing wrong with narration in my humble opinion. You have a story. You told a story and it was solid. The ending a little obscure as though there are many avenues left to trail. Isn't that the real point of story telling? To leave your reader hanging just a bit so more can be told. I liked it. Good luck.

xoxo Kiwi


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
    Thank you, Kiwi. The previous chapters were dialogue driven, so the whole chapter being narrated was made it seem more like a short story.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  71
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  86
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  44
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Hi Bill, I totally understand what you're saying. Twenty years is a lot of time and can hardly be done in any other way. I'm soon facing the same thing in my book when I have to make a leap of five years. I think you've done well and I read it with great interest. I'm looking out for more. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
    Thanks, Ulla
Comment by
Mistydawn
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  Rank:  13
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  Rank:  73
 
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
This chapter sure put everything in the fast forward mode. Sometimes real life seems to be like that, just zips right by. Your chapter is well-written, interesting. I look forward to seeing where you take it from here.


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
    Now that I?ve brought Pez and Pallas up to present day, I?ll likely revert to script formatting.
Comment by
susand3022
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  27
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  27
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  32
Script Rating
  Rank:  8
Review Stars
  Rank:  15
 

#8 Ranked Script Writer
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
You know, Bill, sometimes you just need a little backstory. You're forgiven totally for the lack of 'speakers' in your story tonight. It will be all the more enjoyable when the 'action' continues later on. :)


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
    Thank you, Susan
Comment by
lyenochka
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  4
 

#2 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Novelist

#4 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Script Writer

#4 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Oh, I didn't know that Pallas was so rich! Does Zeb know about all the funds? His father won't be missed but at least, he left his sons something, I guess. Now the scripts and how Pez knows so much becomes so much clearer!


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
    Thanks, lyenochka. So glad we got there.
Comment by
nomi338
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  146 (+14)
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Review Stars
  Rank:  126
 
Good
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Must be nice to so well taken care of even if it was with ill gotten gains. Hey, it is what it is. Many of today's rich men inherited fortunes made from murder, theft, gambling a,you name it. The father of our thirty fifth president was a boot leggier after all. I just saying.


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
    Trump?s dad left him a couple bucks too.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  100
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  165
Review Stars
  Rank:  57
 
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Dear Bill, I had no trouble following this chapter, even if you did not assign quotations to each character as they spoke.
The best thing you have done in the chapter is hook the reader into wondering if innocence little Pallas is going to remain an eagle scout, of turn to the "Dark side"!


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
    Thank you, Suzanna, for the excellent review. There was n9 dialogue so no quotation marks were necessary.

reply by Suzanna Ray on 07-Feb-2020
    Will look forward to your next post
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  18
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  2
 

#5 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 8 -
From the Ashes -- Pallas
Okay, wow - so thanks for al the background on Pez giving us a 'new' way to look at him.... :) It's okay on the 'sole narration' thing this time - LOL! ;) :) Yvette


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
    Thank you, Yvette. This will bring the story to an end.
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