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Reviews from
Football - A Novel


A mother faces life's struggles.

  31 total reviews 
Comment by
Pam (respa)
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  43
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
-Thanks for sharing your notes and the chapter, barbara.
-I am sorry about your surgeries, but am glad you are okay.
-Your wrote this very well with a lot of compassion and love.
-The relationship among all of these characters connected to Katherine is nice to see. There is a lot of love and support.
-It has to be so difficult for young people, and I like how you handled it with the boys. They needed to know, but they had to handle it in their own way.
-It was an excellent chapter.


 Comment Written 26-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  82
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  22
Script Rating
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  Rank:  34
 

#4 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
You keep me on my toes with this novel. It's so intense and heartbreaking and I'm sad for both Gabe and Kate, but I guess this is a test that will make their love stronger. Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry about your cancer....


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
    Thank you for this kind review.
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 3 Pro
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  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  Rank:  58
 

#6 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
There's a lot happening here and at a breathless pace. This is a pivotal part of the story and may need slowing down a bit. Less machine-gun dialogue, more emphasis on the feelings. I thought the part where Jordan was speaking with Harold was along the right lines, as was the part where the news was broken to the children. Once again, Gabriel comes up trumps.


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
    I will take another look. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
2021 Script Writer of the Year
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  45
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  Rank:  4
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Review Stars
  Rank:  30
 
lancellot Recommends:
Goblins
A new slayer is forged
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#4 Ranked Author
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
A nice very detailed chapter and in keeping with themes this story is based on. No surprise as to the aggressive cancer.

At some point, you may want to address why Gabe is in love with Kate. I'm not nit-picking, just for your possible male readers (outside FS). What has Kate brought to Gabe's life? What positives? (No money, a bunch of kids, never-ending problems, no sex) This isn't a joke. A romance is a two-way street and this is a romance novel, right?

Gabriel studied the door they took Katherine through. "It shouldn't be much longer." After a silence, he asked, "Why her? Am I being punished for my pro-years?"

-I would rethink this. There is 'nothing' in Gabe's pro-years. Nothing any 'normal' man would do in his place. No crimes, no 'real' sins. Nothing. Authors should be careful about inserting too much of their personal feelings into their fiction.


 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
    I'm just curious. If a woman has no money, a bunch of kids, and doesn't want to set a bad example for her kids, no man would want her? I'm not sure I would agree. Katherine has money. She's rich. Thank you for the kind review.

reply by lancellot on 25-Jan-2022
    No man would want Kate. Even men, need a reason to want a woman. Kate, as written, gives none. She doesn't give Gabe (a grown man) anything. Except cold showers.

    Really, I'm not being mean. Why would a man want Kate?

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
    She's smart, sensitive, has a sense of humor. So all women are for is sex????
    I have men reviewers who don't share your opinion of Katherine. I'm confused.

reply by lancellot on 25-Jan-2022
    If you think the romance between your two main characters is solid than that's okay. It's not about sex. It's about being there for each other equally. Taking care of each other. I can only point out, what I read Gabe giving to Kate, but I do not see what she gives to him.

    When Gabe has manly needs and I read Kate dismiss them. I can't but ask, "Why doesn't she do things besides sex?" (There are other things) and "What would a grown woman expect a man who's needs aren't being met to do? Really, Kate is so sensitive, that we never see her think about it.

    Maybe I missed it, and there is a lot there.

    No, you have men reviewers who will not say anything. Ten years ago, many other reviewers would tell you this, to aid in your characters' development. But today, most review are praise only. So they get reviewed back and get a six. Today, FS is more social than about improvement of writing.

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
    I hear what you're saying.
Comment by
amahra
Beyond the Mirror
An indepth look into the soul
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  74
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
Wow!Katherine needs a break. It's about time she starts getting some good news. I like the fact, though, that she has these problems because it is really making her future mate tried and true.


 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    That is true. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  7 (+1)
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Review Stars
  
 Rank:  14
 

#7 Ranked Poet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
Barb,

What a brave portion of the story. I was not quite sure that Gabe would be asking those intricate questions at the beginning of the surgery... but I trust you to know how these things work.

Only a tiny note:
--> Within in minutes the surgeon entered.
--> delete 'in'

Thanks, girl - sending HUGE hugs!



 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Thank you for the catch. Gabe went to the first meeting with Katherine. I mentioned it, but didn't write about the meeting. He would ask those questions.
Comment by
Sanku
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  84
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Review Stars
  Rank:  63
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
When things seem to move smoothly ,in comes a shocker .This is the story of life.. The narration is authentic ,i realised after reading your notes that some of this is based on your personal experience...


 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Thank you for understanding.
Comment by
Theodore McDowell
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  2
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Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  12
 

#2 Ranked Poet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
Barb, very interesting and shocking twist for K to have breast cancer. Great for upping the ante of the story. Even more shocking to me is the note where you indicated you are a breast cancer survivor. I would like to read your notes about going through that experience.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    They are in my portfolio. I put them into a book, but they are not in order. I have to figure out how to do that. Computers are not my thing.
Comment by
Wendy G
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  40
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  13 (+1)
Review Stars
  Rank:  7
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
I thought it sounded like personal experience. Has that ring of authenticity. The only thing I wondered about in this chapter is why she didn't tell her sons before she had the surgery rather than after. Otherwise, another very well written chapter, and I am looking forward to the next.
Wendy


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    She wanted all the information before she told them. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
Ric Myworld
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  24
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 72 -
Football Chapter 43
As in most of our lives, just when things seem to be working out like we plan, something always comes along to put a crimp in our giddy up. But hopefully, this is only a temporary set back. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2022



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    I can promise it will be a major one. LOL
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