I'm Often Alone But Never Lonely
300 words In Support of Mental Health Awareness Week
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Reviews from
The Challenge


Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest

  31 total reviews 
Comment by
2016, 2018 and 2020 Script Writer of the Year
judiverse
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Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  6
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  52
 

#6 Ranked Author

#2 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5
I am sorry to be so behind in reading your scripts. I wish I could achieve with my scripts the same audience appeal you have. You are able to create characters that most of us don't see about us in daily life. James is destined for not much success as a politician if he can't get his drinking and attitude under control. Of course, it is harder to make nice with your own family. Phillip is obviously in denial. Will he ever face up to it? Mother and daughter make quite a pair, Mother caring for Susan. It's too bad she has so much invested in her sons, and still treats them like children. Excellent development of your script. judi


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
    Thank you so very much, Judi! I have so much respect for your playwriting expertise that getting such comments from you is touching. I appreciate you! Thanks for the six. It's whipped cream!

reply by judiverse on 15-Dec-2021
    You are very welcome. Such unique characters. You've had the top-rated script for several months now. judi

reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
    C'mon, you're making me tear up!

reply by judiverse on 15-Dec-2021
    This would play well. I can just imagine the actor playing Phillip. judi
Comment by
GregoryCody
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5
Ooh. GOOD CLOSE!

Okay. Forgive me but I'm ignirant to certain styles. So is this a novel or a script?

I just know it PULLS you in man every every time. No joke, each time.

Okay so your dialogue is great. I mean VERY believable if that makes sense. It makes me want to learn more.

S' not what I meant.

And the other lines where you leave out letters. I love it because the VOICE comes alive!

Professor Fitzsimmons. Where do you come up with names?

Okay so is James going to come out? Or is he really gay?

Btw Norm Macdonald had a great bit about being a "deeply closeted gay man". Nothing to do with this, he was just a great comedian and he will be missed.


YOU are STELLAR. I friggin love reading because it brings out a lot of questions. I hope that is okay?


This pulled me in man. And just fyi, I wouldn't give a six just because I respect you. I actually don't give out them that often.

Great job :)


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
    Gregory ... you don't know the timing of your review to my monthly standing vis-a-vis Scripts. You singlehandedly pushed me from second place for December to first place. Thank you for that.

    It's definitely a script. My next more conventional story you'll want to read because you'll have a vested interest in it. That's all I'll say. It'll be out sometime before Christmas.

    James is not the one whose sexuality is in question. It's Phillip. James is a politician and social climber who is more worried about his own career if Phillip should out himself and be openly gay.

    So, thanks again for reading, and for the six stars.
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  68 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5
No, I'd not heard 'uncle' said that way before, in fact I went through the beginning of the chapter again to see if I'd missed something and he wasn't Phillip's cousin. Thanks for the explanation. :)

So far, Phillip hasn't acknowledged he is gay, probably because his future would be in jeopardy if he did, and it would mean admitting it to himself. But if his brother can see it, many others will, too. Time for Phillip to step back and reflect upon what he really wants in life. Another well written chapter, Jay, and I think I've caught up!


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
    Good, Sandra. You got out of it exactly what I hoped you would. Some came out of it wondering if James was gay, oddly because of what Phillip said to him after James's comment to his mother about naming the first one after her. With that I was only trying to show James's drunken state. Again, Sandra, thanks for weighing in. I've missed you. The 6 stars was the whipped cream!
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  68 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 4
Now it's all becoming clear. Phillip is gay but is trying to deny it because it's a sin in God's eyes. He is trying hard to get Arthur to believe he is in the wrong body and have a sex change. He should know that they are two different things. Now, I'm wondering if that is really how Phillip feels about himself. Probably wrong. I'll see when I read more. Well done, my friend, another excellent script. :)) Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
    Well, a clue was how Arthur pointed out that Phillip couldn't have just got the magazine since it had been published months earlier and wouldn't still be on the newsstands... By this point, I confess that the play had already got out of hand and wasn't saying what I had intended in my rough outline.
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  68 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 3
The one thing I love about your script writing is you put us right in the scene so we see their faces and feel the tension. Phillip has a lot of demons he wants to get rid of and the girls/women are the only ones who can do this. What he hadn't realised was they were carrying their own demons from that night. You stopped at a point that could have revealed exactly what did happen with Marcia, which might have been the catalyst to either explode his guilty feelings, or remove them. I will now go and read on!! Well done, this was a very tense chapter. :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
    I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. I put a lot of time and effort in it and was rather proud of how it came out.
Comment by
Father Flaps
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  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  97
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5
Hi Jay,
I wonder why James drinks so much? If he loses the election for Worcester city council, I could see him getting drunk... perhaps. But that vote is still in the future. He wants to be a politician, but perhaps he feels a bit intimidated by his brother. Is he jealous? The other thing I wonder about, does he suspect that Phillip is gay? And will he let it out of the bag to mother Margaret... by accident, of course, in a drunken stupor?
"But when I come out all sober and smellin' pretty ... you're still ... gonna be ... whooo you aaare."

Margaret noticed that Arthur looked sad when he left. Is that it, though? Or will she log that in her brain, and later wonder "Why?"

Hopefully, James will sober up before Professor Fitzimonds arrives. (I wonder what this visit is all about? Does the professor suspect Phillip's homosexual tendencies, by any chance?)

I notice you spelled his name "Fitzimonds". Perhaps that spelling is legitimate. But I would guess "Fitzsimons" or "Fitzsimmons". (Fitzsimons is a surname of Norman origin, common in both Ireland and England.) ...just wondering~

A good scene, Jay, and necessary to the play. James and Phillip seem to get along, roughhousing like a couple of puppies. I just hope James doesn't blow it. The next scene should be interesting with the Professor.

Cheers,
Kimbob


 Comment Written 11-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
    Thank you Kimbob for taking the time to read this. I realize the timing was poor on my part to ask you to read it. One of the reasons I am waiting until after the first of the year to write the next scene is that I have no idea whatever the content of the meeting with the Professor will be ... or yield. I did at one time. But I can't follow that direction because the earlier scenes disarmed the coming one. Now it would be so "staged" if I followed the original design. I shall wait for inspiration's call.

    There is no significance to the spelling, or misspelling of the Professor's name.

    Again ... thank you for this ... and for the six!

    Merry Christmas,

    Jay

reply by Father Flaps on 12-Dec-2021
    I would have read it by Saturday night anyway, Jay. I had 2 sixers left, and one was destined for you.
    Merry Christmas, buddy!

    Kimbob
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  26
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  29
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  10
 

#4 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5
We have a pretty good handle on all characters' motivations by now, I think. You will, of course, prove me wrong in the next scene or act. These brothers are a compelling pair who are trying to figure out their relationship with each other.


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
    No, I don't think I'll prove anyone wrong here. As a matter of fact, My thoughts on the final couple of scenes are so plebian that I'm taking a hiatus from the play while I work on a Christmas story, and not attack scene six until after the new year. As usual, though, I thank you for reading this and for rewarding me so heartily.

    I hope the Covid is behind you both and that you'll have a marvelous and healthy Christmas and New Year.
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  26
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  29
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  10
 

#4 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 4
So very intriguing as the two interpret differently what their encounter meant and means. This part with the magazine seems to speak even more into this as Arthur and Phillip seem to be claiming different purposes for the article on sex change. The scene is so visually drawn. Terrific storytelling.


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
    I left this scene quite disappointed in my performance. There was so much more I wanted to say, but already the play was skittering away from my original intention. Again, thank you for your kind words and the six stars!
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  26
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  29
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  10
 

#4 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 3
A huge revelation here which definitely puts a major spin on the direction that each character's life went in after this frenzied and rude awakening into what was either a letdown or eye-opener for all concerned. Barbara set the course for everyone after that incident. This is so well done, Jay.


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
    Thank you so much, Bill. I particularly enjoyed writing Barbara's understated look she gave Phillip after Arthur sang his greeting and wave. I so do appreciate the six.
Comment by
Katherine M. Kean
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  18
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  43 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  25
Script Rating
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  22
 

#7 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5
Sibling ructions and arguments haven't changed much in nearly seventy years. There is no dating of this scene (except perhaps the word Uncle), which is uncanny to me. I feel dislocated from reality, somehow, and yet I'm sure this wasn't your intention.


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
    Is that a positive dislodgement, or a negative one? Either way, it wasn't intended. Thank you for your always appreciated comments and for the sparkly stars.

reply by Katherine M. Kean on 08-Dec-2021
    I don't know. It was just an observation for your consideration.

reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
    Gotcha. I live off those observations, Katherine
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