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Reviews from
Football - A Novel


Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Football Chapter 3 part 2"

A mother faces life's struggles.

  28 total reviews 
Comment by
eliz100
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  Rank:  221
 
Excellent
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You moved the story along well with this installment. The length is great. You say this is not about football, I wonder, the story is frames with high school football.


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 31-Oct-2020
    Thank you for the kind review. We'll see.
Comment by
2020 Poet of the Year
royowen
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#1 Ranked Reviewer!
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She seems to keep bumping heads with Frost, but it seems Frost has a son that applied for Katherine's position, but of course Katherine was chosen. I love the fact that stories have wonderful, feisty females, and nice, male males in them, but amicable ones. This is off to a great start, setting a delectable scene for the story, excellent writing Barbara, well done, blessings Roy
Typo , his son partied (t)his way 2: Katherine glanced at (the) lady

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 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    Thank you for the catches. I've made the corrections and appreciate the help.

reply by royowen on 25-Oct-2020
    My pleasure Barbara
Comment by
AJ McCall
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  Rank:  239
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Gabriel is very funny! Always 'gently' pushing his way into things and also appearing right where Katherine is. And he could smell the coffee all the way down the hall? That's hilarious! Man, what is Mr. Frost's problem? First, he insults her in front of the entire staff, then doesn't even want to give her her schedule? I'm hoping he is either fired or leaves for a very very long vacation. And why is Katherine being called to the office? I don't think she's in trouble, but I have a feeling it may have something to do with Gabriel. Or maybe Jordon, I don't know I'll have to osee in part 3!

I noticed one error: ()Department level meetings will begin promptly at 12:45. Have a nice lunch." (you forgot the apostrephes at the beginning:)


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    Thank you for the catch. I've made the correction.

reply by AJ McCall on 25-Oct-2020
    You're welcome! Great! :)
Comment by
Katherine M. Kean
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  Rank:  47
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  Rank:  59
 
Excellent
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This is a well-crafted chapter to your book. In particular how people react to events is very believable. Indeed, the characters are fleshing out nicely now. My only criticism would be that nothing interesting happens here. Thus, you are at risk of losing your readers' attention.

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 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    LOL This is only part of the chapter, there is plenty of action in the next part, I promise. Sometimes one needs to build up to it. Thank you.

reply by Katherine M. Kean on 25-Oct-2020
    OK I will be patient. I find this serving chapters in little bite sized chunks (as Sarkems calls them) a bit confusing.

reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
    I agree but on FS nobody will read if you post long chapters, they are only in for the quick reads and the money. I hate to say it but it's the truth.

reply by Katherine M. Kean on 26-Oct-2020
    that's why Sarkems started such a wonderful new club. (first post was a story of mimimun 1500 words)
Comment by
Sankey
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  Rank:  116
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
What a great, deeply personal chapter. Frost is just that! Very Frosty! Well done looking forward to where this is going. No spags. Both of those planned titles are fine with me.


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    I always appreciate hearing from you. Thank you.
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
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  Rank:  39 (+1)
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  Rank:  15
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  27
 

#3 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A well written chapter. Do you think a teenage boy, football player, new in school would really suggest eating lunch with his teacher mom in front of everyone?

notes:

"I don't think you did anything [accept] get this job.

- except


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    Thank you for the catch. I can't believe I did that. It was a stupid mistake. Sometimes I worry about my brain. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  46
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Barbara, another fine chapter and it's very well written. I can see the intrigue is starting to build. Now what?
He took bite and chewed=He took a bite and chewed
All best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    I added that pesky little word. I tend to read as if they are there, because they're supposed to be there. Thank you for the kind review and the catch.
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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  Rank:  3
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 Rank:  26
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I really want to punch that creep. You chose a great name for him, Frost! I'm guessing Katherine is about to be asked to do the girls cross running. That will stir things up again with old Frosty. I'm glad he's the only idiot on the staff, but if he carries on being like that, I'd have the head teacher fire him, or she could sue him?? Hmm. This is really getting to me, Barb. Love the story! Well done. :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
    Thank you for the kind review. In the next post Frost is really horrible.

reply by sandramitchell on 25-Oct-2020
    I hope she's allowed to thump him!
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