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November Moon


The eye that can not close

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
kmoss
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Amazing! Blame it all on the moon's lunacy! Howl! Ha. You chose a stunning picture of Luna herself to go with this short, brilliant, glowing piece! I am viewing this on my phone, so I'm not sure if the placement of the word "below" was intentional, if it was, nice!


 Comment Written 17-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
    Thank you, Krystal. I'll have to check and see if "below" was placed oddly. It can't be on a line by itself without violating the 5-7-5 format.

reply by kmoss on 17-Nov-2020
    Oh that?s right! It?s probably just my view. I liked it though, damn formatting.

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020

    ;>]
Comment by
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lyenochka
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All of Creation must be grieving about the human violence that seems to be happening throughout the generations. Good wordplay of luna and lunacy and the rhyme of the first two lines. Best wishes in the contest!


 Comment Written 12-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
    Thank you, Lyenochka. I'm so happy you enjoyed this poem.
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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barbara.wilkey Recommends:
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Very interesting contest entry. It's written extremely well. I am wondering about the meaning. I know many interesting things happen during full moons, is that the meaning, or is it something else. HMM?? Good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Yep, that's pretty much the meaning. No Pulitzer prize winning material within seventeen syllables. Ha, thanks Barbara.
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
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This 5-7-5, November Moon, has the right set up and personifies the satellite as we all have at one time in our lives. I often wonder how the ancients felt as the moon was explained to them by an elder who spoke with authority and imagination.

It's nice to think that our lunacy might be getting a step-down with Trump's defeat. Of course, as insanity, politics, and pandemics go, one bad thing leads to another.



 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Ah-ha! We can only hope. Thanks Bill for your most welcomed read.
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Seshadri_Sreenivasan
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Yes. The moon controls the mind. Year after year she appears to be making the world go crazy. Lots of crazy people around! Beautiful play of words. Enjoyed it.


 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Many thanks, Seshardri. I'm happy you enjoyed it. You and I will keep on writing anyway, but wouldn't it be grand if there was a little less craziness for our words to reflect off of?
Comment by
catch22
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Hi Jay, this is an excellent play on words with luna/ lunacy. I liked the use of rhyming in know/below as well as the good use of word economy. The message is foreboding and a bit ironic for certain. Best of luck to you in the contest.


 Comment Written 06-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    Hey, Pam, good to hear from you. I'm glad you enjoyed the haiku. The rhyme, which I hadn't really considered, will probably be its death knoll. For the classic haiku, there should be no rhyming. Have you posted anything recently? I don't remember seeing your handle. I'll keep my eyes open, though.

reply by catch22 on 06-Nov-2020
    Hi Jay, thanks for the gracious response. I think it doesn't really matter for a 5/7/5 poem if you have rhyme or not because it is not a haiku. I have not posted much lately. Just trying to pop in occasionally for reviewing. Good to hear from you as well.

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    Ohhhhh, I wish you would write something. I've always enjoyed your writing.

reply by catch22 on 06-Nov-2020
    That's nice of you to ask. I actually just did write something and posted it for a club entry.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Hi, Jay

Read through this 5-7-5 poem.
A quick flash image, personifying the moon, and tying the cause and effect of the moons phases on people to feelings of remorse on the matter.

I thought of it like this, if every time I opened the curtains full open (bare all, light exposed) and the outside traffic crashed, and I realized it was my fault... I would like to think I might stop doing that. Yet here Luna is... year after year, baring her November all, to look outside and say... Oops I did it again. O look what I've done.

(Just like Britney... realizing it's her doing, her crazy that keeps dragging the boys down. Yet she does it again, and sings her lament.)


 Comment Written 06-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    Oh, you naughty girl, opening the drapes, causing all the accidents. Haha, I love the Britney reference. Thanks, Turtle for your exegesis.
Comment by
Carlos' girl
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well yes, of course luna grieves, she is after all a senora, a female energy. if you had been writing about our friend, the sun, he would just burn up everything in his sunny path. no, sun does not grieve, no sir.

i like this 5-7-5 poem. it is a nice poem.


 Comment Written 06-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    Haha! I saw "senora" and my eyes automatically lifted to the upper left, knowing who was talking to me. Thanks for entering into my little escapade into the mystical. As they said in my generation, you're a hoot!

reply by Carlos' girl on 06-Nov-2020
    yes, i AM a hoot, thank you. please see my latest post from the ' hood, "Miss Alma" and render your review. be honest
    i can take it
    lol

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    I know you can take it, and I tells it like it is anyway. I'll look at it later today.
Comment by
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royowen
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I love the fact that you used the word lunacy, it suggests other things, like somethings may be more normal than one thinks. Well done Jay, good luck, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 05-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
    Thank you, Roy. This was a relatively easy haiku to write. The image was already there, along with a long history of symbolism. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

reply by royowen on 05-Nov-2020
    Most welcome
Comment by
robyn corum
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Jay,

Oh, wow. *smile* Wouldn't all the nuts of the world LOVE to blame their actions on the moon? I know I would - I mean, our kids today (and a lot of adults, I guess!) don't want to take responsibility anymore, so that would be a super excuse.

Super duper post with an awesome message in a poem that meets all the requirements. Thanks and good luck!


 Comment Written 05-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
    I'm glad you enjoyed this, Robyn. It was a fun poem to write.
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