Requiem for Rudy
When the Price You Pay is Your Happiness 		Pays: 10 points.
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Beavers belong to the genus: Castor (see note)

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  117
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  16 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  14
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  Rank:  6
 

#5 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Detective Castor, strange guy with no sympathy for the victim: "Slash it all, slash it and let's go.' I laughed a little reading this line ;'Lattimore was being surveilled because her company, Lavish Furs, was thought to be mob-connected. A snitch had tipped them about a meet that night. Sweeney called into headquarters, then said he'd accompany the body to the hospital. This made Joe smile because he had other plans." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 20-Nov-2020
    Thank you so much for your kind words.
    I wish a safe and happy holiday season to you and yours.
Comment by
2020 Poet of the Year
royowen
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  16
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 Rank:  1
 

#1 Ranked Reviewer!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
No wonder beavers were hunted to the point of extinction. I rather like this idea, that they have their revenge on these purveyors of fur coats, I didn't realise they made coats out of beaver pelts, well done, good luck, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Everyone who reviewed this were surprised that beavers are still used for coats but they are. You mostly only hear about mink. I think all fur coats should be outlawed. Let folks wear cloth...it isn't worth a life. Thank you for your review.

reply by royowen on 19-Nov-2020
    I agree
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
Premier Author
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  Rank:  20
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  17
Review Stars
  
 
 Rank:  8
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A very well-written short story about the murder of a beaver coat seller by someone taking revenge vir killing the beaver population for profit and a warm cost for winter.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Thank you for your review. It was very fun to write.
    May the Muse find you often.
Comment by
roof35
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  Rank:  71
 
Excellent
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I think that beaver moon is a little loony. Your story made me chuckle. Your illustration, of course, pairs well and sets the stage for your words. Very imaginative tale.


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your kind review.
Comment by
2020 Short Work Writer of the Year
LisaMay
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  13 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
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Review Stars
  Rank:  30
 

#5 Ranked Author
Excellent
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I like your story of revengeful murder. The mystery has a good conclusion of a social comment on the immorality of the fur trade when the beaver gene strikes back. Serves her right, indeed. You've written the story well.
(You need to change Caster to Castor in the last line.)


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    Thank you so much for your positive review. I got a 4 from one person who said it didn't make sense. Glad it did to you!
    And thanks for catching my typo! I don't know how many times I proofed this and didn't catch it!

reply by LisaMay on 18-Nov-2020
    It's so frustrating when someone marks you down for their own inability to see. (The thing in it that didn't make sense to me was how people are still dumb enough to smoke! haha.)

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    Thanks. I did change Caster to Castor--great catch. Many thanks for being invoved in my work. I actually edited the story again today, I think it is a little better.

reply by LisaMay on 18-Nov-2020
    I checked out your revised story... yes, it reads well. Just need to fix these:

    Sweeney consulted the eivdence team (should be evidence)

    for her slaughter of innocent beavers-- (on my computer screen there is a big gap here... the sentence needs to be linked to killed)
    killed so the whiny rich could have "lavish" coats.

reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    thank you so much for letting me know. I appreciate you.

reply by LisaMay on 18-Nov-2020
    :)))
Comment by
Elizabeth Emerald
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  1
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  Rank:  4
 

#1 Ranked Author!
#4 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
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Stunning twist! Masterful narration grabs and holds--fine work for a short story--tip: classify as flash vs general fiction to attract readers who'd otherwise skip on the assumption the story would outrun their attention span!


 Comment Written 17-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
    You honor me with your words. I very much appreciate you reviewing my work. I took your good advice and changed it to flash fiction.
    All my best to you and yours.
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
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 Rank:  7
 

#3 Ranked Poet
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Dear Mystery Writer,

Hmmm... I don't know. Beavers? I've seen fox and rabbit and ermine and more - but beaver fur? That's new to me. Of course, I am not one who watches out for a lot of fur, either. *smile*

The writing was nice and tight. Crisp. But I have to be honest and say the ending was a stretch for me. It just didn't seem to work as well as it could have. If he already knew all that, why wouldn't he have watched better? Idk. (Could be just me, though.)

Other:
1.) Joe Castor drove onto the Reservation, to see his (g)randmother.

2.) Do you have your dates switched at the bottom?

Thanks and good luck!


 Comment Written 16-Nov-2020

Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  46
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  20
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  22
Script Rating
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  Rank:  16
 

#4 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This story pulled me in from the beginning with the situation in the car which leads right into finding that the two have allowed a murder to happen. The insight into the officer's name is good, as I wasn't aware of that sneaky hint.


 Comment Written 16-Nov-2020

Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  11
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  2
 

#2 Ranked Author
#5 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I immediately smiled when I saw the name "Castor" after reading the picture of the beaver. They are such fascinating creatures and so hardworking and rather easy to tick off as they are very private. I guess a beaver or a beaver-human got this fur-trapping person back.
Best wishes in the contest!


 Comment Written 16-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
    You picked up on the Castor name where others didn't. Congrats. And thank you for the review!
Comment by
Susan X Smith
MS, MBA
Retired from Gov't
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  48
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is an excellent response to a difficult writing prompt. I enjoyed reading this short detective piece. The fact that Joe is, at least in part, Native American, is a nice touch.


 Comment Written 16-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
    Thank you so much for your comments. I never tried to write a detective story before...it was fun.
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