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Reviews from
Wilderness Redemption Road


Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Into the Storm Part2"

Shenanigans on the frontier

  15 total reviews 
Comment by
Jay Squires
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  Rank:  27
 
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I enjoyed your chapter. I'm a little confused, though. Why do you have to go through the extra work to have the Indian dialogue emboldened and italicized? It doesn't add or subtract from the understanding but only makes it look stylized.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Cynthia Adams1
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Really nice story. I grew up on westerns and they still have quite a piece of my heart.
I think your dialogue sounded true and you're developing the story in a nice realistic way. I look forward to more chapters.
The bold type is a good idea to distinguish who is talking.
The artwork is a good match too.
Nice job.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.

reply by Cynthia Adams1 on 07-Dec-2020
    No prob.
    I like reading your work...keep it comin'
Comment by
Mastery
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Semper Fi
 
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Hello Earl. You have a wonderful, exciting story going here. Your writing gets smoother with each chapter, my friend.

This is good as it is for an opening hook, without all the previous stuff: "The excursion hadn't got off to a good start."

I like the sound of this: " he was built more for dealing cards and drinking rum."

Suggestions; Try to avoid using cliches, Earl. They never fit well in stories, like your opener, especially: "Godfrey Smythe was fit to be tied"

And this one: " had beaten Bear Rogers to within an inch of his life.

Also, try to eliminate words when they are not needed. Like here for instance:
"Of course you can." Make it simply "Of course."

Also: In this case, put your speech tag first: You have: "No dammit, I demand an answer right here, right now," Smythe seethed.

Do it this way for more impact: Smythe seethed. "No dammit, I demand an answer right here, right now."

Good job, Earl. Bob




 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Thanks Bob, I have to really think hard to remember to not use cliches. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.

reply by Mastery on 19-Nov-2020
    No problem, Earl. Bob

reply by Mastery on 19-Nov-2020
    No problem, Earl. Bob
Comment by
Father Flaps
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Hi Earl,
I've missed quite a few chapters of this saga already. Sometimes I've seen an author give a bit of background. That would help a lot for someone like me who has just stumbled out of the woods and into a clearing. I've got projects on the go, so it's hard to go back and start from the beginning. Now, if I had the book, I'd read it every night before I fall asleep. I think I'd enjoy it. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for settlers and frontiersmen to journey west through Indian territory, no roads or bridges, and wooden wheels.
"Speaking of graves, the next time you lay a hand on my sister you'll be occupying one." ... I especially enjoyed this part, when Smythe was a bit rough with Roseanna, and her brother came to the rescue.
I like this line,
"...dead men keep secrets the best."

I'm assuming this line begins a different part of the story, with the Shawnee...
"A cloud of powder smoke enveloped Swooping Eagle as he took his shot." ... If I'm right, a space or line would have been helpful. I'm struggling to understand what's going on.
Well-written, Earl. I don't understand too much about what is going on yet, but the only mistake I spotted was trivial... a missing period.
"Dozens of thoughts swirled through his head"

Perhaps I can climb aboard in another chapter or two.
Cheers,
Kimbob




 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    I'll lok at putting some background in the author's note on the next chapter. I appreciate you jumping in the middle and following along. Good editing tips, thanks.
Comment by
thaities, Rebecca V.
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  Rank:  22
 
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This is a great western story rich in the lingo of that time. The characters are easy to picture in my mind's eye, and their conversation is smooth and natural. Well done!


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my book.
Comment by
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royowen
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I wonder what Running Deer has in mind, I thought for once that RD had really become wise and thought that two bad events don't make a good one, but that's not what's on his mind, it's been awhile since I read one of these, Smythe met his attempted nastiness with Roseanne's brother threatening to shoot him if he didn't let go his sister, well done, good scribing Earl, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much Roy. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with Richard, but I was happy to have him step up. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.

reply by royowen on 19-Nov-2020
    Good move
Comment by
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lyenochka
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Oh-oh. I wonder what Running Deer has in mind. Great post in this, Earl. I especially liked how Richard came to the rescue and defended his sister in no uncertain terms!

Swooping greeted Running Deer (Swooping Eagle) unless you can just use the first part as the name.


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    Good catch. I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
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 Rank:  81
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello Ben Colder
I see you have left us with anticipation with a couple what will happen next with---
When Running Dear Plan is---
said I did not say that my son, but I have a plan and all will be revealed at the proper time. Here I am Wondering what the Plan is?
And --- what are Acorns?

Thank you for large font and bold font when the dialogue in bold and italics; when Shawnee spoke.
Gert


 Comment Written 17-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    Thank you for honoring me with 6 stars Gert. Acorns are a euphanism. I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
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Dear Earl, I think I already gave you six stars for this story, and wasn't sure if I had to do it for every chapter?
At any rate I am reading this with fascination and learning about an Indian culture at the same time.
Thank you so much for your author's notes, as they can add so much more information than can be told in the script of this novel.


 Comment Written 17-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    You can give six stars for each chapter, but I'm just glad you're reviewing the book. I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Comment by
aryr
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What a fantastic continuation chapter Earl. It was so nice that Richard stepped up and threatened Smythe's life if he laid a hand on Roseanna again. It was as if he had grown into a man. Also it was interesting what Running Deer was thinking of when he spoke of revenge to Swooping Eagle. Great job, I eagerly await for more.


 Comment Written 17-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
    I Appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work. Thanks for sticking with the story.

reply by aryr on 18-Nov-2020
    You are so welcome Earl.
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