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Beaver Moon Equals Freedom


It's nice to be your own boss

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
Aiona
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  262
 
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LOL! How weird! I love this! It's about a self-made man. This continent was full of self-made men (and some women) back then, wasn't it? It still is, really. I was looking online at all the TikTok internet stars.... blazing new electronic virtual trails. There's always new frontiers.

I saw one place where you might want to put a period instead of a comma, so it doesn't read like the trees are building you a house -- between "water's edge" and "building."

"Trees grew up to the water's edge, building a cabin when I wasn't running my trap line wouldn't prove to be difficult. There was plenty water and game."

As it reads right now, "building a cabin" is a participial phrase describing the trees.

It's funny that I clicked on this to read, RIGHT after writing about being self-employed.


 Comment Written 31-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
    Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my work. Stay safe and healthy in the new year.
Comment by
LJbutterfly
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  Rank:  24 (+4)
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  Rank:  95
 
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This was an excellent execution of the "November's Beaver moon" prompt. You managed to gram a lot of story and detail in the 250 word limitation. I most liked the description of the river dotted with beaver lodges, and the boiling coffee as you planned your next move. This was very creative.


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
2014 Story Writer Of The Year
humpwhistle
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  Rank:  209
 

#8 Ranked Author
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When I first read this prompt, I immediately thought of mountain men. Glad I didn't enter, because I'm not sure I could have come up with a piece to rival yours. Just think of the 250-word restriction as one more mountain you're required to climb.

Best of luck at the polls.

Peace, Lee


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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 Rank:  26
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
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This was a nice story, I've read a few of them for the contest. Yours is so different. I like that you've taken the route back in time before the settlers come and destroy all the beauty there was in those days. We need homes, but it's sad at what we have to lose to have them. I really enjoyed your story, well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
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 Rank:  2
 

#2 Ranked Author
#8 Ranked Novelist
#5 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Reviewer
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I like the setting that you created with the limited 250 words. I was wondering what would happen next but the conclusion is to be grateful for the lack of a stressful schedule. Best wishes in the contest!


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Elizabeth Emerald
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  Rank:  5
 

#1 Ranked Author!
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Masterfully understated narration; bold closer.

Leading my pack animals into the valley which would be my home for the next nine months [comma] I stopped to take in the scenery.

Trees grew up to the water's edge [comma s/b semicolon] building a cabin when I wasn't running my trap line wouldn't prove to be difficult.

It was good to be a mountain man [omit: and] seeing this country before throngs of settlers come west.

wasn't on no [s/b any] timetable


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
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  Rank:  14
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  Rank:  17
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#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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Very interesting narrative of a bygone age and time. One thing I would suggest looking at is the switching between past and present tense.

Overall, I think it was 85% present tense narrative.

Good luck


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  56 (+2)
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  Rank:  34
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  Rank:  10
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  Rank:  15
 

#10 Ranked Novelist
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I enjoyed your mountain man trapper story. It might have helped to know when you story was set but since the settlers had still no come West It must have been in the 1700's. Great little story for the prompt.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Wendy Gordon
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  45
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  Rank:  14
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  Rank:  9
 
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Enjoyed this, but felt that the sentence structure needed to be improved at times. The sense of freedom and beauty were however compelling. Best wishes for the contest.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    Could you give me some examples of how the sentence structure could be improved, and stay within the 250 word restriction?

reply by Wendy Gordon on 21-Nov-2020
    " Checking the priming ..etc.., I quickly fell asleep, satisfied." and "I looked up and down the river, dotted with beaver lodges."
    This gives you a verb within each. Hope this is helpful (please don't be offended!) ll the best for the contest.
Comment by
James Crofoot1
 
 
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You made a couple grammatical mistakes. of when you should have put off, and you used a double negative. sorry pet peaves.
ok good stuff, need to read more.
peace


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    They weren?t grammatical mistakes they were written in frontier jargon

reply by James Crofoot1 on 23-Nov-2020
    ok. sorry
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