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Reviews from
Beaver Moon Equals Freedom


It's nice to be your own boss

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
Rosemary Everson1
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  Rank:  76
 
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This story reminded me of Daniel Boone. He was an American pioneer, explorer, woodsman, and frontiersman whose frontier exploits made him one of the first folk heroes of the United States.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Mr. Green
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Your story was a pleasure to read. It provided visuals to let me know everything I needed to understand. The story took place in a Montana valley, where a mountain man was to set his traps. He built a small cabin to hold up in, for the time, and he saw a symbolism in the beaver moon that (to him) represented his freedom. Which was what he valued the most. This could be turned into a very good book. Thank you for sharing, and good luck with the contest. Mr. Green


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story. I'm actually writing a frontier book here on Fanstory, Wilderness Redemption Road, check it out. Thank you very much for the six star rating.
Comment by
roof35
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  Rank:  92
 
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An excellent entry for the Beaver Moon contest. I assume your "wasn't on no time table," instead "any" is on purpose. Your illustration pairs perfectly.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Julie Sandy
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  Rank:  108
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Great story, I don't really know anything about the beaver moon, I'd actually never heard of it before, but I like the context in which it is placed in your story. It took me to another time.

Good luck in the competition


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Anne Johnston
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  Rank:  27
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  Rank:  8
 
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Very well written. It must be hard keeping the words down, but you have not wasted any and make the readers feel like they are there with you. Like the way you ended it.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.

reply by Anne Johnston on 07-Dec-2020
    You are welcome
Comment by
robyn corum
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  Rank:  3
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 Rank:  7
 

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Dear Mystery Writer,

You are absolutely right. *smile* 250 words is a tiny amount of space to try to spread out a whole story - with a beginning, middle (climax), and satisfying conclusion.

Your post is a well-worded piece describing the life of a long-gone mountain man. I don't know that it is a story, though. It really reads like a few minutes of time and just a look at some thoughts of his. There isn't a plot, per se. Do you see what I mean?

You are also showing a tendency to speak in less-than-complete sentences. (You may note that from the comments below -)

Other notes:
1.) Trees grew up to the water's edge, (so) building a cabin when I wasn't running my trap

2.) Stripping the pack saddles of(f) the horse and the mule,

3.) Stripping the pack saddles of the horse and the mule, (I) then hobbl(ed) them in a patch of grass which

4.) Checking the priming of my Hawken rifle and two pistols before rolling into my blanket.
--> I checked the priming...

5.) Looking up and down river. It was dotted with beaver lodges.
--> Looking up and down the river, I discovered it was dotted with beaver lodges.

Thanks and good luck!





 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    All the additions you?re suggesting would take me over the word limit.

reply by robyn corum on 19-Nov-2020
    Nope. It would just mean changing stuff.
Comment by
2020 Poet of the Year
royowen
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#1 Ranked Reviewer!
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I liked this short story, that feeling of doing something on enjoys and freeing oneself from the chains of bricks and mortar. A good entry in this contest, so good luck, excellent work, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.

reply by royowen on 07-Dec-2020
    Most welcome
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
 
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 Rank:  10
 
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A very well-written short story about feeling the freedom when we are in nature with no clocks ticking or any one to rush us to s something we don't like to do.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment by
Cynthia Adams1
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  Rank:  131
 
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Yours is a good story and it give us a feeling of the satisfaction you feel at being a mountain man. Makes me a bit jealous that I can't be out in the fresh air as much as I'd like.

As you are the only character in the story, it's hard not to start sentences with the word "I" but it does get to sound kind of repetitive. I'm not sure what you can do. But maybe if you said something like, as an example:
"The sun warms me"
instead of
"I like the warm sun."
here and there, it would break up the continuous "I"s.
The picture works very well.
Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Please check it out I reworked it, let me know what you think.

reply by Cynthia Adams1 on 19-Nov-2020
    Yes. I think it reads smoother.
    Good job and best of luck in the contest.

reply by Cynthia Adams1 on 19-Nov-2020
    Yes. I think it reads smoother.
    Good job and best of luck in the contest.
Comment by
juliaSjames
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  Rank:  204
 
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I like this. It reads authentic from first person POV. Your descriptive words draw the reader into the action. However this seems more the start of a longer story or a book than a complete story. Not much you can do about that now but maybe later. I've seen a number of books posted that started off as responses to prompts.

One suggestion. Perhaps you could end this write on a note of contrast and /or danger. In the wilderness anything can happen.

Good luck in the contest.

Stay safe and blessed

Julia


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
    I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
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