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Marriage Choices


Who has the right to get married.

  11 total reviews 
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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 Rank:  20
 
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Well, that was a surprise ending! But, if you are with the person you love that is the only thing that counts. Marrying your sister, even if an adopted sister would be frowned upon. This is an excellent flash fiction story, very well done! :)) Sandr axx


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
    Thank you for your review.

reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    I like our comments.

    Thank you.
Comment by
sammielwf
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  42
 

#9 Ranked Poet
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Five stars for this little gem of a 75 word flash fiction story.
No one has the right to decide how love is shown/displayed in a relationship. Count yourself blessed when "The One" that makes your life better and sweeter and happier enters your life to stay..
I liked this story and the way you developed it through a telling telephone conversation.
Good job with a tough subject for some people to deal with.
Sammielwf


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
    Thank you for your encouraging comments. It is a challenge to deliver a message in a story using 75 words.

reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
    Very good comments,
    thank you
Comment by
2020 Short Work Writer of the Year
LisaMay
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  Rank:  13
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  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  28
 

#4 Ranked Author
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Your story is well told, with quite a surprise in store! Marriage law has major revisions in recent times and unions are now possible that weren't in previous years. (Where I live it is illegal to marry a sibling whether adopted or natural.)


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    I am glad you read the story. Writing is fun. Limiting a story to 75 words is a challenge. I am glad that I meet the challenge.

    Thank you for your rating.
Comment by
Mary Vigasin
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I had to look at this through Betty"s eyes in not accepting that her brother is gay and that he does love her but not in the way she wants. He sees her as a sister only.
She ran away in a tantrum.
At least this is how I read it. It was quite different.
Mary
At least that is how


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    Thank you for reading the story. Certainly life is full of surprise. It may not turn out as one wishes.
Comment by
2020 Poet of the Year
royowen
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  Rank:  5 (+6)
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 Rank:  1
 

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What a shock to find out your sister is adopted, therefore one can legally marry, and John is going out with a man who presumably he thinks is his love Alex, is a man, well there you go, well done, good luck, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    Thank you. Hope you enjoy the short story of 75 words.

reply by royowen on 21-Nov-2020
    Well done
Comment by
Lisa Wharton
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  Rank:  31
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  Rank:  1
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  Rank:  25
 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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I like this 75 words flash fiction. The ending is very interesting. I was mystified in the beginning and everything was explained in the end. But sister Betty has no clue about her brother's orientation.

Well done.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    Thank you for your comments. Life is full of hope but things may be turn out as one wishes. More often, it is full of surprise.
Comment by
Cynthia Adams1
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  Rank:  24
 
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I think I understand your story but it took we a couple of reads.
Betty wants to marry John, who is her adopted brother but he is in love with Alex, who is a man.
I like the story and the surprise ending.
I personally think a person should marry whomever they love.
I also like the artwork a lot.

I think it would read better if in the first stanza, you made the third sentence a new line like you would in an in-person conversation.
If it were me, I'd make each sentence a new line. It would look a bit more like a poem, which is o.k. but more important, it would make it easier for the reader to digest each new idea. There is so much happening in a short time, you want to make it as chear as possible.
Good job. I like it.
"She said, "John why don't you marry me?"


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
    I like your suggestions. I will study it in details. It is a challenge to fit everything in 75 words.
    Thank you.
Comment by
Elizabeth Emerald
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  Rank:  4
 

#1 Ranked Author!
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I appreciate the sentiments and get the gist of what you're trying to convey; nonetheless, this could do with tweaking for tightness and clarity. "Where she is" indeed is not important--don't waste precious words on that exchange. The phone call as related is not credible--it's been forced to fit a flash format for which it isn't suited--such a bizarre declaration by the sister would have to entail an extended--and bizarre--backstory.

The message of the piece is certainly star-worthy.

(You forgot to fix the typos: adapted[adopted] and aren't[are] you crazy)


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 20-Nov-2020
    Thank you for your suggestions. I certainly learn something. Also I should be more careful with my editing work.
Comment by
Susan X Smith
MS, MBA
Retired from Gov't
 
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  Rank:  50
 
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This one sure was a surprise that I didn't see coming. It seems like anything goes, these days. This post fits the requirements for flash fiction. Good luck in the voting.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 20-Nov-2020
    Thank you. It is a challenge to fit a story in 75 words.
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  45
 

#5 Ranked Author
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Okay, it was a risky tale. I give you props on that. But, it makes no sense.

Why would Betty ask: John, why don't you love me?

He is clearly marrying a man, Soooo, he is gay. What woman wouldn't understand that?

notes:


She said,[" John], why don't you love me?"

- delete space between " John,


"{Aren't} you crazy? You are my sister?"

- change to: Are


"I am your {adapted} sister but Alex is a man."

- should be: adopted



This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2020


reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
    Thank you for pointing the typo errors. I should be more careful.
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