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Escaping the straitjacket

Not quite a sonnet

44 total reviews

Comment by

Gypsy Blue Rose

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Rank: 19

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Rank: 17

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Escaping the straitjacket
by tfawcus

Hello, Tony,

I really like your take on rap vs sonnets. I'm not a fan of rap but it's okay. To each their own. Your poem has a very melodic Rhythm. I don't think you are an old hack.... LoL

Well done,

Hugs,
Gypsy

Comment Written 24-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020

Thanks, Gypsy. I'm not a great fan of rap, either! All good wishes, Tony

Comment by

Jay Squires

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Rank: 27

Excellent

Tony, you sound like a historian of the poetic form, and I've been reading your stuff long enough to not doubt that you have your fingers on its pulse. It's good to read your poetry again. I've been on a two-year hiatus, and it's good to see how many have stayed on. Thanks for sharing this poem.

Comment Written 23-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020

Good to see you back on site, Jay. I shall look forward to reading your work again. Many thanks for your kind words. Best wishes, Tony

reply by Jay Squires on 24-Nov-2020

I look forward to learning much from you, Tony. I hope I can entertain you a bit, too.

Comment by

estory

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north carolina

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Rank: 65

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

I thought this was great. You did a great job bringing in these new styles of language, this hip hop rhythm to a conventional sonnet, and I think it worked really well. Loved this "did I mention/ Innovation? New generations think/ In terabytes of wordfill, not in ink" and "Now raps the thing/ For teens, the blast, at last" terrific hip hop rhythms and echoing rhyme effects. Its always great to stretch these time honored forms into something new and add a dash of excitement to the staid and proper...estory

Comment Written 23-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020

Thanks, estory. I appreciate your generous comments and the shiny stars. All good wishes, Tony

Comment by

Dorothy Farrell

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Rank: 55

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Hello Tony, what a clever poem. 'I'm bitten by its rhythm - de rigeur.' - glad you said 'bitten' and not smitten LOL. As for the words in Rap - I don't think you are missing much if you can't hear them. I've given up on the stuff the young refer to as songs - there are hardly any words to a rubbish beat, repeat, repeat, repeat. From one old hack to another I must stop - blame the TV. There is still lovely music around and thank God we can turn off the TV. Well written poem as usual - Dorothy x

Comment Written 23-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020

Thanks, Dorothy. I appreciate your generous comments and the shiny stars. As you say, so much of the modern pop music is both repetitive and artless. All good wishes, Tony

Comment by

Rx kingpen

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Rank: 124

Excellent

I'll have to look a few of your word selection but I got the gist. Maybe put in the footnotes for saps like me. An average Joe. I couldn't tell if this was good sonnet material in iambic, stressed syllables or what you planned for every planted word in a row. Isn't that the point? Good stuff hefe.

Comment Written 22-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020

Many thanks for your review and suggestion. Appreciated. Best wishes.

Comment by

Hopeful2

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Excellent

Only a writer with your highly-rated skills could pull off this parody of the Shakespearean sonnet the way you did, breaking the mold, tossing off the constraints while sticking close enough to honor the tradition.
Thanks for sharing, and continuing success in your writing.

Comment Written 22-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020

Many thanks for your review and kind comments. Appreciated. Best wishes, Tony

Comment by

robyn corum

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Rank: 2

(+1)

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Rank: 6

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Excellent

Tony,

True in so many ways. Young kids also jump on here from time to time, sharing their talent and exposing the wonders of rap. *smile* But that is something better shared verbally, maybe, than in black and white. For me, anyway.

We always go back to the tried and true forms, imo. This was fun!

Comment Written 22-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020

Thanks, Robyn. I find it difficult to pick up the words of rap songs. Maybe that's an advantage!

Comment by

Wendy Gordon

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Rank: 30

(+6)

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Rank: 8

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Rank: 7

#8 Ranked Author

Excellent

Very cleverly written piece of work, referring backwards to the constraints of Shakespearean sonnets, forwards in time to the vernacular of youth, and seeking to find his own place, where he'll be read! Well done.

Comment Written 22-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020

Many thanks for your review, Wendy. I appreciate your kind comments. Best wishes, Tony..

Comment by

Taurus the Elder

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Rank: 29

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Excellent

Very good. You are so right, so many of the younger generations would rather take a beating before they would write a letter or, heaven forbid, read a book. Technically sound, solid rhyme scheme, strong ending, and good supporting art work. Great job, wishing you continued success.

Comment Written 22-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020

Many thanks for your review, Taurus. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony..

Comment by

Pam (respa)

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Rank: 32

Exceptional

-Great artwork and
presentation, Tony.
-I appreciate your notes.
-I love this satire, and
all of the intentional
mistakes in this "sonnet."
-There is a lot that goes
unsaid in between these lines.
-As to form, I like how you
use rhyming couplets, and you
do get a volta in, to keep with
the old world view of the sonnet.
-The couplet makes the perfect
ending for this very modern sonnet!!
-Well done. I have a suggestion, though.
-I think you should follow this up
with a traditional sonnet. We could
call it "Sonnet Wars." I am putting one
in early Dec.!! and the contest is
coming up, too.

Comment Written 22-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020

Thanks, Pam. I appreciate your generous comments and the shiny stars. I've taken up your suggestion and composed a proper sonnet for my next posting. I'll look out for yours. All good wishes, Tony

reply by Pam (respa) on 24-Nov-2020

You are very welcome and deserving, Tony. You will offer some good competition, I'm sure, and I'm glad you took the suggestion. When I made that comment about 'sonnet wars', I didn't know if you had some of those shows over there, like "Storage Wars" and the like. We don't watch them, but it seems to be a big thing.

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