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Reviews from
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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Dropped Passes and Potential Wives"

The Quarterback from Mt. Olympus

  43 total reviews 
Comment by
kcastle11
 
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Marillion

This is really creative and inspires my personal writing. I can't wait to read the other chapters. Football and Greek Theology, who would have thought it be so interesting?


 Comment Written 20-May-2006


Comment by
pen pal
 
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Hi yah
Yes a very interesting story here.
You mention mums' a lot (and there is nothing wrong with that)
I really enjoy the humour your bring to fanstory
good on you


 Comment Written 19-May-2006


Comment by
    Recognized Reviewer
suneagle
 
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I just found this series, David. Quite fun. I've noted a couple of things for you to consider:

as if Olympus has contrived to plan a- (= 11 syllables. Is that meant to be?)

from that, I guess, but sprain his ACL (Will all your readers understand "ACL" - anterior cruciate ligament. Perhaps an Author's Note is necessary.)

"Now, darling," Hera jibes, "Is that the way (That is incorrect. It should read, either:
"Now, darling," Hera jibes. "Is that the way [period changed to comma] or:
"Now, darling," Hera jibes, "is that the way [no capital for "is"])

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
Sallyo
Level 3 Pro
I am Australian.
Therefore, I write like an Australian.
 
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  Rank:  256
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  Rank:  45 (+5)
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  Rank:  299
 
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Aha! The Greek and Roman gods did always act like badly-behaved mortals, and this is just a new slant on that. I'm delighted to find this - not the Vampire Chron, but of the same family. And that enjambment is going like a river.


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
Airmid
 
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OMG David this is wonderful! I love how you took 2 total different ideas and put them together to creat this wonderful piece and I'm glad to see it continues...Game rage is definitely on target I think you might have heard me cross the country last season :)

By the way you think that Baltimore could get that QB? Zeus knows we need it!


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
ScarletAffliction
 
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I think you've made these characters more alive for me than they've been in past readings. Even the oldest of their stories seems to make them seem so far away from us their counterparts. Well done! I really enjoyed it. :) clever as ever and twice as charming, marillion pleases again.

Melissa


 Comment Written 12-May-2006


Comment by
CaseyMezera
 
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That's a great chapter and it sounds like a funny book.

It also sounds like a very original story you have brewing. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Casey


 Comment Written 05-May-2006


Comment by
chelsmor
 
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What fun you will have creating this entire piece, and we will enjoy it along with you. Love the Achilles heal comment, changed to the ACL and then mother chimes in at the last moment - it's just one play. I also loved hurling the lightning bolt against the wall when he got angry - football. hehe.
Thanks for sharing this.
Chelsmor


 Comment Written 28-Apr-2006


Comment by
Lisloh
 
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Too funny David, too funny....excellent combo---Greek Myth and FB---how did you come up with this...?

Yikes---just one play? Poor kid at the end of the game....:)

Thank you for creating this and sharing.
Take care & be safe
Lisloh

Excellent presentation.



 Comment Written 28-Apr-2006


Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
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Ha, That Zeus in one hell of a football fan. A very light and entertaining poem written just in time for football season. Maybe Zeus Jr will be in the draft this weekend. I thought you lines were perfect and rhyme was right on the money. I look forward to the next half.


 Comment Written 28-Apr-2006


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Football Chapter 34 part 3
A mother faces life's struggles.


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