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The colors of love 		Pays: 8 points.
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Reviews from
The Love of God


An addict finds love and truth.

  14 total reviews 
Comment by
Carlos' girl
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  145 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  60
Review Stars
  Rank:  128
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
i dont just enjoy it, i love it..just beautiful..tge stanza about meth, use if word chalk, valley and desert, all so good. . . had to check out your work since my memorable review from you. If you would read " In a New York Minute" Id be thrilled. Autobiographical. im the woman, not the addict lol


 Comment Written 20-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 21-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Carlos' girl. This is something that had to be written. I'm glad you like it.

reply by Carlos' girl on 21-Dec-2020
    welcome
Comment by
2020 Short Work Writer of the Year
LisaMay
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  13 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  30
 

#5 Ranked Author
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I well understand how inspiration can touch our hearts to inspire our writing from all sorts of sources. In this poem you deliver a raw and authentic-feeling experience of addiction where 'shadows stalk my soul' to finding 'the bliss of the dove' when the narrator finds his God, his Savior.


 Comment Written 19-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Jenny. I told you I'm also a great BSer. :)

reply by LisaMay on 20-Dec-2020
    As long as our shit doesn't smell, right?

reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
    Mine smell like roses after a long rest. :)

reply by LisaMay on 20-Dec-2020
    Lucky you... and everyone in your immediate surroundings!
    i'm not telling what mine smells like. Maybe that's why i still live by myself.
Comment by
Anne Johnston
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  Rank:  31
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  Rank:  9
 
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I like it. Shows there is nothing too hard for the Lord. When a soul cries out to Him, He delivers and sets free. Truly He is no respecter of persons.


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 16-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Anne. I'm a poet who writes from what I see. Especially on tv. :) I glad you liked it

reply by Anne Johnston on 17-Dec-2020
    You are welcome
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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  Rank:  19
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  Rank:  54
 
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Well, crazy poet, I enjoyed it as it touches on topics so very relevant for the young and the 'abandoned' of today's crazy world... ;) :) Thanx so much for sharing your heart in your pen as you are always so good at doing! ;) Yvette


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 16-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Yvette, for being a poet that understands that we write from the heart, from our minds, and from what we see on Tv. ;)
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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 Rank:  3
 

#1 Ranked Poet!
#3 Ranked Reviewer
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You nailed all the internal rhyming here and I thought you did a great job! It's not an easy form and I thought your message came across and your lines were smooth.

Just a couple of suggestions here for you . . . .

You used feminine endings on these two lines, which is okay and makes each line 9 syllables instead of 8. But this is acceptable.

This line has eleven syllables:

"I was not whole, in fact, I used to dally"

Would suggest:

"I was not whole, in fact, I'd dally"

This last line sounds a bit awkward:

"Now, the bliss of the dove I follow gladly."

I would suggest:

"the bliss above I follow gladly.

Love Dolly x x x


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 16-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Dolly, but I still didn't get the gold ring. I use 10 syllables all the way through. That's where I messed up. I'll get it right on the next one.
    Jose :)
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
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  Rank:  3
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 Rank:  7
 

#3 Ranked Poet
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Steve,

I don't know how much of this is true, but there's a lot of depth to this piece. I really thought it was so well done - even if it may not be perfect for the form. (I couldn't tell.)

Thanks so much!


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
    Thank you, robyn. With nothing to do I see a lot of this on tv. :) I made up everything to fit the poem. I am a writer of fantasy by the way. :) it ran well except it should have been 8 syllables, not 10. My bad, but I liked it and left it as it is.

    Jose
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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  Rank:  20
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  Rank:  17
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 Rank:  8
 
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A very well-written poem about finding your way back to normality batter addiction is a hard, long, and lonely road that asks for determination to reach the goal.


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Sandra. I'm glad you like it, but it's all imaginary. :)
Comment by
aryr
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  Rank:  36
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  Rank:  54
 
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Jose, regardless of how many times you try you are doing a great job at expressing your words. Nothing is perfect, I learned that when I was studying theology. Christ as the son of God was the only perfect man for we all sinned. I enjoyed it, well done my friend.


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
    Thanks, Alie, for you I smile. :) I made everything up. Though I've gotten high, but never like that guy.

reply by aryr on 16-Dec-2020
    You are so welcome Jose. Let me guess, high on life and high on God's words.
Comment by
Sugarray77
Melissa
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  Rank:  17
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  Rank:  51
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
What a wonderful poem, Jose. It is so very meaningful and full of encouraging hope to any reader. You did a fine job with the Octet and made this form shine with your internal rhymes... but mostly, the meaningful content. So well done.

Melissa


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
    Thank you for the sugar, Melissa. :) Love the stars. I should have made it a sonnet, but I liked the way it came out.
Comment by
kmoss
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  Rank:  55
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  Rank:  19 (+1)
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  Rank:  39
 
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I'm not sure what a Dolly Season Octet is, but I think this came out just fine as it was written. One line bothers me though: I look so drawn that all I did was gawk. maybe change to something like: emotionless, permanent expression, only able to gawk. Nice work!


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
    Thank you, Kmoss. :)
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