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Reviews from
Chinese Whispers


Message Passing

  5 total reviews 
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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 Rank:  3
 

#1 Ranked Poet!

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I am not sure what is happening tonight here but there is certainly no question that something is happening, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2021


Comment by
Goodadvicechan
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Goodadvicechan Recommends:
In Search of a Better Life
This essay offers steps to achieve a happy and relaxing life
Pays:10 points
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I like this story. It is funny and I get a laugh at it.

It is true that a message starts with "It's happening tonight" ends like the following:

"It's happening tonight. Pass it on."
"What's happening tonight? Pass it on."
"Nev the Nerd's getting bashed. Pass it on"

Isn't it what life is about?


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2021


Comment by
2020 Short Work Writer of the Year
LisaMay
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#3 Ranked Author

#8 Ranked Poet
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Your story left me with mixed emotions. I find bullying distressing - the pack picks out someone different to torment, usually the closest available nerd or geek (this is too close for comfort for me at the moment - my friend's son tried to commit suicide because of school bullying).
Anyway, putting my personal feelings aside about your topic, it is the most original use of the prompt line that I've read so far in the contest and you've set the classroom scene well - buzzing of bees spreading mischief rather than industriously working.


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2021


Comment by
muffinmama
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This is a very clever and humorous use of the sentence that starts the story. The more obvious direction would be a crime thriller, but yours is more interesting.
The buzzing bees imagery is perfect.
Just a recommendation to improve the rhythm of one of the sentences:
"... he was hanging on to every word of the teacher..." would read more smoothly if changed to "... he was hanging on to the teacher's every word ..." In the same sentence, what would be notes that are not factual?

Towards the end, 'head' should be 'heads'.
Well done.


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2021


Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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  Rank:  55
 
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What a fun employment of that sentence, Geoff - love it! ;) Sooooo, were you Nev or one of the ones on the back row...? :) ;) Happy New Year, sir, and best of luck! ;) Yvette


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2021



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
    On the popularity scale I was tipping towards Nev but struggling to tip it the other way. All the best for your '21 Yvette.
    Geoff
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