Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

True Story Contest
Deadline: In 4 Days

3 Line Poetry Contest
Deadline: Feb 25th

Tanka Poetry Contest
Deadline: Feb 26th

15 Syllable Poem
Deadline: Feb 28th

100 Word Flash Fiction
Deadline: Mar 1st


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Race Day


Competition

  5 total reviews 
Comment by
Wendy Gordon
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  45 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  11
Review Stars
  Rank:  5
 

#5 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I did enjoy this, reliving the race, but now being the presenter of the awards! A clever twist at the end. This is well written, and maintains the interest very successfully.


 Comment Written 22-Jan-2021



reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
    Thanks for your review. I found this tucked away somewhere, an oldie that I wrote over 20 years ago.
    Geoff
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  1
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  3
 

#1 Ranked Poet!

#3 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A fine write and an honour to present the prize as the previous winner in your story here, you made this an exciting read with your well chosen words. Just one suggestion for this line:

(This was it! The reason for month(s) of sacrifice and sweat)

Love Dolly x


 Comment Written 22-Jan-2021



reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
    Thanks for your review and correction. I tend to get excited when I'm on a roll.
    Geoff
Comment by
Aaqib Naeem
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  229
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
An interesting story which reinforces the idea that people, especially athletes, have a tendency to replay their glory days over and over in their head. It just becomes a part of who they are sometimes. I suppose it gives us all some semblance of peace and security that we have done something in life and not completely wasted it.

A suggestion... back to the present day as I raised my raised my hand in...you wrote 'raised my' twice here. Kindly correct that.

Overall, a well written and interesting story. Thumbs up! :-)


 Comment Written 22-Jan-2021



reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
    Thanks for your review and correction. My proof reading needs work!!
    Geoff

reply by Aaqib Naeem on 22-Jan-2021
    You are most welcome! :-)
Comment by
Jenny Kartchner
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  101
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Fantastic and easy to read story. The details of a race might sound boring but you kept up the speed and it was a fun read with a super ending. Keep it up


 Comment Written 22-Jan-2021



reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
    Thanks for your review. Glad you enjoyed.
    Geoff
Comment by
kiwisteveh
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  42
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  173
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I liked the ending to your story which elevates this beyond a simple, predictable narrative. I wonder if you could work some foreshadowing into the first paragraphs - something to hint, but not give away the ending.

A couple of wee errors...
month --> months (para 2)
Also para 2 repetition of 'be known.'
ran out --> rang out
recovered myself - delete myself
repetition of 'raised my' in the final paragraph

Steve


 Comment Written 22-Jan-2021



reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
    Thanks for your review and corrections. Some of these had already been pointed out. My proof reading skills need work!!
    Geoff
  -1-   Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Ask A Silly Question
If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy