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24 total reviews
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
 | Author Rating For Short Works
 Rank: 22 | Author Rating For Novels
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 78 | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 57 | Author Rating For Novels
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Rank: 263 | | | |
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Comment by| 2019 Script Writer of the Year | | | | | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 24 | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 12 | Author Rating For Novels
Rank: 16 | Script Rating
Rank: 5 | Review Stars
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 47 | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 10 | Review Stars
Rank: 62 | | | |
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Comment by | | | | | Review Stars
Rank: 406 | | | |
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This is an amazing voyage through Helen's sea of life. Impressive! I started copying and pasting parts I liked below, but there are so many, basically I love the whole thing!
My favorite part: The nagging flaw, working at the tether Alan tried to bind her with, one worn thinner with the years.
Eventually her mooring slipped, and she drifted away unanchored, awash on an ocean of episode. But when she ultimately ran aground, shipwrecked, when she was broken up, it was Alan who gathered her; salvaged her, dried her out. It was too much by then for Sheila though: one woman's flaw proving to be the other woman's ceiling.
Great line: He was a kindred spirit, proof positive of the weakness they shared, and that a weakness shared is a weakness multiplied.
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Comment Written 24-Jan-2021 |
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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
Hello Krystal
Thank you for the time you took to read this piece. I am grateful - there's so much more happening on the site that is quick and sharp.
Your kindness and response are both very encouraging.
I can only wish you the very best with your own writing in return.
Stay safe.
Cheers
phill
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 1 | Author Rating For Novels
Rank: 48 | Script Rating
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Rank: 4 | | | |
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 75 | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 33 | Author Rating For Novels
Rank: 7 | Review Stars
Rank: 66 | | | |
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It would be trite to write this off as the wandering, stream-of-consciousness ramblings of a dying woman who sees her whole life in fleeting shadows as she struggles to make sense of her predicament.
It is a gradual and skilful unfolding for the reader of seemingly random facts eventually placed in the gaps in the jigsaw. David, for instance, who is scarcely noticed at first, under the wide nose of the Japanese businessman, ends up being a central character in the cast. I loved your expression, "ships that collided in the nightcap", and the final revelation that he was, in fact, her daughter's husband.
You have many such striking phrases (And the elderly too; a fall, heralding the onset of winter ... a few blurred and resilient leaves, taunted by the vague breeze ... if they were on speaking terms. Listening terms ... awash on an ocean of episode ... etc.).
Your sustained nautical metaphor emphasises the traumatic relationship the Helen seems to have had with her disapproving father. One that obviously plays heavily on her mind in her dying moments.
I like the way your words echo, as in the rale of breath and the rail of death. I also like the way the wandering mind of Helen picks up on a word and runs it into a new meaning, and the way her mind seesaws between what she can see in the foreground with her one eye and what she can remember. It suggests a wandering in and out of consciousness as she begins to fade.
The folkloric symbolism of the black feather, signifying death and a passage into the spiritual realm, makes a powerful ending to this story of Helen's harvesting by the Grim Reaper.
This is a brave experiment in POV and one that succeeds magnificently, in my view. Powerful writing, indeed.
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Comment Written 24-Jan-2021 |
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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
Hello Tony
I have popped you a PM
cheers
phill
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 71 | Author Rating For Novels
Rank: 51 | Script Rating
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Rank: 51 | | | |
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Author Rating For Short Works
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Up For ReviewStand Out WritingAdditional Reading
A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review.
