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Reviews from
The ghost at Saunders lane


Back in the day when people got their water from wells

  9 total reviews 
Comment by
Jimmy Hogg
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"Deep in the woods sits an old abandoned house. The house is just off a trail behind our family home. This dwelling belonged to a Saunders family who are now deceased."

Suggested edit- "Deep in the woods, just off a trail behind our family home, sits an old abandoned house. It belonged to the Saunders family, now deceased."

Thanks for sharing, good luck!



 Comment Written 19-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
    Thank you
Comment by
phill doran
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Hello to you
Well written. Very short I know, but atmospheric and with all the 'elements' for this type of story. Deserted house, strange noises, vague apparitions
Just a few points, and I might be wrong, so do not change anything on my suggestions...
Smoke towered - I think "towers"?
to onlookers - "for" onlookers?
century old - it might make it clearer if it was hyphenated "century-old"
and saw an apparition - perhaps "who have seen" or "and have seen" an apparition
All in all, a good quick read - very clear and well expressed.
cheers - stay safe
phill


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
    Thank you
Comment by
Earl Corp
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Earl Corp Recommends:
Ode to Spring
A ditty about my favorite season
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Excellent
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I'm not sure if this is a work of fiction, or if you wrote about a local legend. Either way it was a good story. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest. Stay safe and stay healthy.


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
    Thank you it?s fiction.
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
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#5 Ranked Script Writer

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Excellent
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This is a pacifist ghost that appears once a year as a reminder of what happened to her:"Upon the anniversary of her death, every year when the clock strikes 7. You'll see her donned in century old attire consisting of a black and white dress with an apron tied around her waist, along with a matching black and white bonnet for her head.
" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
    Thank you
Comment by
zanya
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It's a credible tale and ghost story similar to others told by locals in many regions around the world - has such a ring of truth to it- not setting out to be extraordinary or other worldly


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
    Thank you
Comment by
AnnaLinda
AnnaLinda (SweetLinda)
 
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  Rank:  90
 
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Author,

I think you did a really great job on this Ghost story entry.
I like how you set up the story a how you did not over
dramatize it. You have lots of great imagery throughout
your piece.

I like how you mention the exact date this fate happened
and how her ghost had been witnessed on that exact date.
Very believable and well written in my opinion.

That art is a perfect match for your entry as well.

A couple of corrections to note:

"*peoples water supply came from man made wells,"
should be *people's

"rampidly" > correct spelling is: rampantly

Good luck!


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
    Thank you
Comment by
Susan Newell
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  Rank:  34 (+1)
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  Rank:  19
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  Rank:  24
 
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You have the good beginnings of a shot story, but you have some work to do with grammar and punctuation. Take another look and check your verb tenses and look for sentence fragments. It also helps the reader if you put a line space between paragraphs.


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
    Ok thank you
Comment by
Brian Howell
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A good read. It paints a nice picture of Philomena. It seems nice and respectful for the residents to kind of keep their space.
However, I will note that not seeing her ever again wouldn't very much be true, because every year, she would return. Other than that, I enjoyed the short tale!


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
    Thank you

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
    Thank you! I meant to take that part out that she was never seen again! When I decided on the part that she?d come back every year on the date. I exited that. Thank you again !
Comment by
RetroStarfish
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Good
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This is a great ghost story, and with a bit of editing it could be excellent.
The contest clearly states that poetry is not allowed, so you'll need to change the formatting and punctuation.
For example, neither of these two lines is a complete sentence.
"A matching black and white bonnet adorned her head.
If your ever in the vicinity on this date. "
However, both are clauses that could be added to the sentences above and below to become grammatically correct, like so:
She was wearing a black and white dress with an apron around her waist and a matching black and white bonnet adorned her head. If your ever in the vicinity on this date, you'll see an apparition of Philomena walking to the well carrying her buckets as she did so many times before.


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
    Thank you
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