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Reviews from
Football - A Novel


Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Football Chapter 22 part2"

A mother faces life's struggles.

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
J. P. Olesen
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Author Rating For Short Works
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi, Barbara,

I'm behind on visiting profile pages after their kind reviews, and I believe I owe you one. Your work makes it easy.

I'm enjoying this book even though I've read only two chapters. This chapter was flawlessly written and the dialogue between characters is excellent.

You probably won't have any idea who the author is that your writing style reminds me of, but I'll mention him anyway--Robert Ruark. God knows it's not because of WHAT you write about, but because of the way you write dialogue. It's very easy, natural, unadorned, and most of all--believable. And for that reason, it kind of sweeps me along down the page as soon as I start reading.

I think you've got a hit on your hands. Keep writing and good luck!

Best,

J. P.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
    Thank you for the encouraging review. I really appreciate it.
Comment by
eliz100
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  259
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  Rank:  478
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a good read from beginning to end. You have added some interesting twists. I do not see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.


 Comment Written 23-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
    Thank you for the kind review. I'm sorry you had to read it with no money attached.
Comment by
RPSaxena
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Excellent
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Hello Barbara.Wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of scenes and situations is quite natural and notable, such as: 'Gabriel reached for her hand. "Any other questions?" When he heard Jordan coming outside, he quickly dropped the hand.'


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
    Thank you for the kind review.


reply by RPSaxena on 21-Jul-2021
    Barbara.Wilkey, Most Welcome!
    With best wishes,
    ~ RP
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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 Rank:  45
 

#5 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Aw, he has a girlfriend! :) This was a well written part, Barbara. It seems the Rileys were mentioned in the will as well. Perhaps they are trying to find a way to discredit Elizabeth so the children will be put in their care. Seeing as they are already looking to have them sent to boarding school. I hope there isn't a legal clause in the will that covers such a situation. I have to say, Barbara, I've read lots of your books now, and they were all really good, but this one is the best by far! It's brilliant, my friend. Well done and I'm already waiting for the next part. :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
    Thank you for saying that. This is the one I was most worried about.

reply by sandramitchell on 20-Jul-2021
    I don't know why. You have a great plot going on here. 😊 xx
Comment by
tfawcus
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  Rank:  70
 

#6 Ranked Novelist
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This sounds like a complicated financial situation with money, as is so often the case, causing as many problems as it solves. An interesting chapter. I thought the conversation about the kids staying over was particularly well written in terms of family dynamics.


As they sat under a shade tree within (eye-)sight of the boys
I do remember hearing something (about) his parents getting one too.
George didn't include me on (in?) money decisions.



 Comment Written 20-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
    I made the corrections. Thank you for the catches. I appreciate the help.
Comment by
Rosemary Everson1
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Excellent
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Sounds like the scenes are getting better for Katherine. This lady needs less pressure at school. It must be lots of headaches when it comes to teaching and trying to be a coach for cross country. But then none of its new for her.


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
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  Rank:  22
 
lancellot Recommends:
Guns and Badges
The past never rests
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Your story is very well written and moving along. I do wonder about a few things. What we are told and what we are shown do not seem to match up. That is your choice but you may want to look at that or not. I saw no errors or any thing out of place.


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
    I am not sure what you're talking about. Could you please go into more detail. Thank you for your kind review.

reply by lancellot on 19-Jul-2021
    Sure.

    I will PM you.

reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
    Thank you.

reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
    I answered. Hopefully it clears some things up. If not, please let me know.

reply by lancellot on 19-Jul-2021
    Yes. Thank you.
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
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#8 Ranked Script Writer
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I like how you describe the family atmosphere in this chapter. The kids seems to have lots of fun with Gabe's parents and their mom tries to keep a brave face even if she overwhelmed by pain by the way her in-laws treats her little family.


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
    Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment by
Pam (respa)
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  Rank:  42
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  Rank:  29
 
Excellent
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-A good chapter, barbara,
that shows a very nice
family gathering at the
Hudson's home.
-There is a mix of fishing for
the boys, and a chance for
the adults to talk.
-I like Gabe's parents and
they seem to like Katherine
and her boys. They are probably
excited to be able to see the stars
and have a new experience.
-Katherine and Gabe have a
chance to talk, as well.
-I like the last section when
Jordan asks his mom about
taking a date to homecoming;
that will be an interesting experience
for him and for Katherine.
-A good chapter.
-A couple of suggestions:
* I digressed. [digress]
*From "Katherine thought' to
'Not that I know,' you used
"lump sum" 3 times.


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
    Thank you for pointing these out. I have made the changes.

reply by Pam (respa) on 19-Jul-2021
    You are welcome.
Comment by
Sanku
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Excellent
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Poor Katherine! She is still enveloped by doubts and fear and may be it is the result of her first marriage .She said her husband never discussed finances with her!
She is also a very concerned mother .
I liked Gabriel's parents ..


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2021



reply by the author on 19-Jul-2021
    Thank you for the kind review.
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Football Chapter 34 part 3
A mother faces life's struggles.


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