Contact Us | En español
   
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Flash Fiction
Deadline: Today!

Children's Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 4 Days

True Story Flash
Deadline: May 27th

Rhyming Poetry Contest
Deadline: May 30th

Dribble Flash Fiction
Deadline: Jun 3rd


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None

Recommended


Categories


Write


Reviews from
Non-Descript


338 word flash story

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  72
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Now, I want to say, the story begins! Where did Barry go? What universe has plucked him from ours? That box with the non-descript colour is probably the one I would have picked up, so where did he go? I enjoyed reading this, it's surely a true 'Show, don't tell!' Lol. Well done, Gareth, although this is a flash fiction, there is a great story bubbling away here. You just have to write it. :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 24-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Many thanks for checking this one out, Sandra. Barry was just the victim of a cereal killer...
Comment by
2021 Short Story Writer of the Year
Elizabeth Emerald
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  162
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wry humor as regards the gimpy cart--I always seem to get those--vivid descriptions of the contents and the garishly colored glowing cereals. Intriguing ending.


 Comment Written 23-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Much appreciated. GMG
Comment by
Katherine M. Kean
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  19
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  37
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  26
Script Rating
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  22
 

#7 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
oh boy! i am really sorry i can't give this one it's due reward. it reminded me of Stephen King's writing - my favourite author. great stuff. love kate xx


 Comment Written 22-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    This was a fun little piece to write. Have you ever read any of James Herbert's work (British equivalent of Stephen King although a little more gruesome orientated).

reply by Katherine M. Kean on 25-Jul-2021
    Herbert wrote the fog, no? it fuelled my nightmares for years
Comment by
Roxanna Andrews
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oh dear! I do hope Barry went to a better place with no defective trolleys. We call them grocery carts in the US. I always get the defective one. I hate when that happens. This is a very amusing and fun story. Well done as always. Rox


 Comment Written 22-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Many thanks Rox. G
Comment by
2020 Poet of the Year
royowen
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  1
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
 Rank:  2
 

#1 Ranked Poet!
#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Having read a lot of science fiction, this would be a prelude to where our absent hero was translated to, perhaps to a infinitesimally small world, or to a fourth dimension, or somewhere in between. Beautifully written in typical fashion, G, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Much appreciated, Roy. G

reply by royowen on 26-Jul-2021
    Welcome
Comment by
estory
Premier Author
north carolina
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  202
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  154
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I thought this was great. It was really relevant to me because I've worked in supermarkets all my life. I thought the attention to the detail in the descriptions of the aisle, and the man pushing around the cart with the wobbling wheel, around the produce and the rainbow boxes of cleverly marketed cereal boxes really put us in the scene. And then that off color box glows when he lifts it off the shelf...and that twist at the end when he disappears. It's comforting to know that all that was left of him was the cucumbers, tomatoes and lettuce. The produce; my aisle, was the important things left. Wonderfully humorous little twist on everyday life. estory


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Many thanks, my friend. G
Comment by
write hand blue
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  298
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there GM,
You get 5 stars because of the scant details of the heat source. We all have heard that a box of cornflakes with blast a city centre one kilometre into the air.
Great work there and the best of luck. ~Mel~ smile


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Much appreciated. G
Comment by
damommy
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  23
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  28
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  64
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
It's amazing how you can pull a reader in with your wonderful stories. I was battling the wompy trolley, and then BAM! The cereal box took Barry away. I think I see what you're saying is he was killed by the cereal. A 'cereal' killer?


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Spot on. lol
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  92
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  
 
 Rank:  6
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
Quiet Lawyer Chapter 11
Cord, again, comes to Ali's rescue.
Pays:10 points
10 member cents
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What? He disappeared from picking up a box in a grocery store. What? You had me until the very end. Once again you did a great job of writing and had an interesting twist at the end. Hmm, how do you do it?


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Barry was the victim of a cereal killer...
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  25
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  29
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  10
 

#5 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This story, Non-Descript, finds that Barry has transcended from the colors of conformity and ascended to the the where the food of the gods come in an attractive neutral covering to enable then consumption. He was almost taken by the shredded wheat. Whew!


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 25-Jul-2021
    Many thanks, Bill. G
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Poetic Pleasure
a minute poem


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy