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  25 total reviews 
Comment by
Eldora
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
You've preached quite a sermon in a few words. I think you ought to submit this poem to the editorial page of the paper in the town where this is going on!


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
Tempesta
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
Very well written from that perspective. However, living in Chicago I could never understand why they built those high-rise projects on the lake front to begin with, and I'm glad they're getting rid of 'em. This'll make the neighborhoods somewhat safer as well. The crime and violence that take place there is atrocious.


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
Diny
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
ANd the town mission and the overpass are crowded with the homeless--- Thats how I picture this, A shame if you ask me- Send the rich to miami or can coon-
THis is a sad one David- Di


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
Mrs Jones
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
Nice verse David. I like the form. The rhyming seems to gently blend in, if you know what I mean. It is no different. The same happens here.

Well done
Cheers
Rose


 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
ladykay
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes

Hi David...

This speaks a lot in the wonderful and meaningful way you have written it.

And so the elitest air from the ghetto's dust does become the dust for the elites.

It's good to see your poem on this reality, I wonder if 'anyone' cares and 'who' cares.

I liked all of it. Very well stated.

"a grim endeavor in a sad affair,
destroying roots to sow the "public good" (it's almost haha in a sarci manner!)

ladykay



 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
Sallyo
Level 3 Pro
I am Australian.
Therefore, I write like an Australian.
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  258
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  180
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  38 (+3)
Script Rating
 
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  Rank:  293
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
Very neatly-turned. I loved the "shotgun shacks" and the preciseness of naming the street. I also appreciated the rhyme scheme, which is an unusual one. I had to work it out for my own satisfaction.
A B C B A C B





 Comment Written 16-May-2006


Comment by
marion
 
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  Rank:  502
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
Great work Marmillion.
They do this everywhere don't they.
We have no real poor in NZ where housing is that bad but still, people of all walks of life are pushed out just like this.
I enjoyed this simple poem with a strong message very much.
marion


 Comment Written 15-May-2006


Comment by
Lisloh
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
And the MoneyPowerEgo game continues---I'm not surprised and that's a shame.

You and FatMan are in the same vein today and there's a whole country between you...Hmmm.... Not surprised here either.....

Personally---the ghetto dust is more friendly than the elitist air....
Thank you for creating this and sharing.
Take care & be safe
Lisloh

Excellent presentation!
Awesome imagery here David....


 Comment Written 15-May-2006


Comment by
diane24
 
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
I love David poems! They read like butter melting on toast and oh so tasty. Even when the message is way too true and now I'm left with wanting the next stanza to tell me there is an answer for all those 30 day notice recipients.

thanks again, David. diane


 Comment Written 15-May-2006


Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
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Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 11 -
Broken Homes
Flawless technical execution; every rhyme stands on its own, thoughts spill across lines, the works.

If there's anything to pick on it would be that this is a dry narrative. The surprising adjective, the dense and surprising language, etc. of the very best work don't really have a way to come out in a narrative.

But I'll give you this - your topic is one fraught with enmities self-righteously screamed across a great divide, each ascribing motives to the other which, sadly, often reflect their own private sins (IMHO) and you've avoided that; to narrate with a calm voice when factions fight is difficult, and here is done well.

Always a pleasure to read your work!

Warmest regards, Gil


 Comment Written 15-May-2006


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