Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

My Faith Poetry
Deadline: In 4 Days

Free Verse Poem
Deadline: Aug 25th

Haiku Poetry Contest
Deadline: Aug 26th

Take A Photo Poetry
Deadline: Aug 31st

80 Word Flash Fiction
Deadline: Sep 5th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise


Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "The Chronicles of Bethica"

Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
justafan
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  88
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  537
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Trouble on the horizon for Gangus I fear. I absolutely love this storyline. The characters are easily liked and believable. Your storytelling is hands down one of the best I have seen on FanStory. Kudo's my friend.

Always
Justafan of yours
Missy


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2021



reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
    Wow! I am so flattered with your support of my story. Bless you, Missy, my dear friend.
Comment by
Ric Myworld
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  21
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  24
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Sorry it's taken me so long to review your post. But, they liked me so much at the hospital the first trip that, they made me come back for a longer visit. Glad to be out and reading your posts. :-)


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
    Sorry to hear you were ill. Thank God you're out and back with us. And thank you for taking the time to read me after all you've been through.
Comment by
pookietoo
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  43
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  155
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  287
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I enjoyed reading this chapter in your book. I wish you luck in the chapters you write. I hope you are doing well. Smile and best wishes in all you do.


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
    Thank you so much. Blessings in the coming Holidays!

reply by pookietoo on 26-Nov-2021
    You too
Comment by
Soledadpaz
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  130
Review Stars
  Rank:  273
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Maliciously territorial. Unique phrasing, vivid imagery.

Fear surging through his gut. Excellent phrasing.

Nicely done, with clearly depicted action scenes. Love that last sentence, a wealth of meaning in a few well-chosen words.

Sol


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
    Thank you, Sol. Glad you liked the phrasings and imagery.
Comment by
RPSaxena
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  135
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello Amahra,
To be very frank, I've never been interested in Fantasy Fiction, but today I intentionally started reading this piece and I liked to go ahead.
Undoubtedly, it's a nice piece of Fantasy Fiction having lucid wording, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, depicting the scenes and situations in an interesting way.
Worth enjoying, and I think I may be able to understand the next parts better.
Style of writing and presentation is particularly noteworthy.


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
    Thank you very much, RP. I really appreciate your review.

reply by RPSaxena on 25-Nov-2021
    Amahra, Most Welcome!
    With best wishes,
    ~ RP
Comment by
RGstar
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  26
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Good to see this Amhara.
I never like reviewing things I can never give full justice to, as have not been following, yet, I wanted to come and support and have the pleasure of reading as I also love the genre.

Nicely done and well in control.



I hope to see your poems soon again.
My best wishes.

RG


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
    Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support.
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 3 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  Rank:  58
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Gangus and his tribe certainly need to keep their wits about them. Never a dull moment! Loved the bit about the Engamars' delaying tactics so they could enjoy more gifts of wine!

A few edits you might consider:

Down on their knees fixated on their exquisite fine (find?)

"No, we're not!" (the) head scout shot back.

When Gangus learned the region proved rich with iron ore, he praised the gods for the fine (find?) and the safety of his scouts

the women were much [more well-] (better) received than the scouts,

It had been well over a year since the settlers [stepped] (set) foot upon Bethican soil.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
    Thank you so much for the review and for catching these mistakes. I really appreciate your continued interest in my story.
Comment by
Judy Lawless
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  23
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  12
Review Stars
  Rank:  41
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is another interesting chapter, Amahra. It has some tension and then some peace. The town is growing and new building happening. But now there seems to be another challenge and we wonder where their people have disappeared to. Well done.


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
    Thank you, Judy. I'm glad you liked this chapter.
Comment by
Jay Squires
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  Rank:  32
 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Another fine chapter, Amahra. You never stop astounding me with how exquisitely you write fantasy fiction. That is quite a gift.

A few notes:

Down on their knees fixated on their exquisite fine, ["... their exquisite find." Though I modified my suggestion with what I discovered the next time I encountered your "fine", I do think in this first instance, it is the FINDING of their "fine" that holds the emphasis.]

he praised the gods for the fine and the safety of his scouts. [Again, the use of fine. I looked it up ... and sure enough I came across, "very small particles found in mining, milling, etc." So I will stop pestering you with it, LOL.]

The Volarian men, never having seen them looking so feminine before, licked their lips [But still, they had beards shorter than their male counterpart ... I guess hips hold sway over hairy body parts.]

by being the first of the humanoid tribes in Bethica to add wine to women and song. [Good humorous touch.]

were natural marksmen with the bow and could calculate wind and distance rapidly than any other creature. [... distance (MORE) rapidly than any other creature.]

I'm excited where this is going and the implicit time constraint that the enemy getting ever closer imposes on them, adding to the tension. Excellent job, as usual.



 Comment Written 22-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
    Hey, Jay thank you so much for sticking with my story....and of course for the stars. However, while your other suggestions are good the one below puzzles me:

    The Volarian men, never having seen them looking so feminine before, licked their lips [But still, they had beards shorter than their male counterpart ... I guess hips hold sway over hairy body parts.]

    The Volarian men were licking their lips at the Domarian women soldiers, not the bearded Engamar women. Gangus sent the Domarian soldiers dressed like ordinary women to fool the Engamars into thinking the women were sent unprotected. You forget the Domarian women are nearly 6 feet tall, muscular, and fight like men. In case something went wrong, Gangus hoped the Domarian female soldiers might hold the Engamars at bay while the Volarian women escaped.

reply by Jay Squires on 23-Nov-2021
    Now I understand. I think I just let my attention lapse for a moment. It was just than image that the women's beards were shorter than the men's carried through the entire chapter and by then I woulda put a beard on Marilyn Monroe.

reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
    LOL No problem.
Comment by
Jesse James Doty
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  79
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  47
 
Jesse James Doty Recommends:
The Question, The Answer
Do or Don't?
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow! What an adventure! This is way too long and involved to keep my interest yet there were parts that achieved real success for the different tribes! I am not into sci-fi and I do not like mythology remakes so, I am sorry but I have little to say about this chapter.
You appear a great writer with very much spiff to add to the characters you play! My only wish is that this was shorter and more to the point! That way I could gleen more of what is going on and paint a better picture for you of what you most likely want to hear!
Do you get my drift? Anyway, thank you for letting me go on this way and sharing my two cents worth with you. You are a bold writer and one that deserves much celebratory claims!
Take good care of yourself my brother and let the sunshine come to your side of the fence!
Jesse


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2021



reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
    Thank you for your review.
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
The Question, The Answer
Do or Don't?


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy