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Reviews from
My Enemy, My Friend


This is a romantic story set in a WWII POW camp

  57 total reviews 
Comment by
Donya Quijote
 
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Rating of Prologue -
Into Captivity
Talk about throwing the reader into a situation. Wow! So, this is a different side of Hans. I don't think you have ever presented him scared, at least not like this. Yet, this Hans is the same Hans that I have come to know and love. Classic Hans, in my opinion.

This scene is jam packed with action, and I think it is very believable. I like that bit about the click of the heals. Classic military, classic German too. Nice bit of incidental realism.

As a prologue I think this works well. You establish your character's character, set the time and place, and only reveal enough of the story to encourage the reader to want to read the book to find out what happens to Hans. It's kind of like a movie clip, the kind that make you want to go the theater to the film. Also, Hans is very much our hero. The bit doesn't introduce us to him in negative light at all. As a soldier he abides by his oath, and he is sympathetic but not pitiable.

Will you post more?


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
    Hi, Diana! Glad you're still on Fanstory. This is the first part that I wrote about Hans, about the fourth revision. He is really scared, because he knows how the Russians deal with prisoners. He's seen the mutilated bodies of some of his men. When Volkov calls off the execution, Hans suffers relief, mixed with anger and fear. What's next? Are they going to kill him another way? He was prepared to die, and now he's bewildered, even more scared.

    As always, thanks for loving him.
Comment by
Heidi M
 
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Rating of Prologue -
Into Captivity
Excellent beginning with great descriptions that enabled the reader to visualize the scene.
I assume 'Leutnant' is lieutenant in German. At first, I thought you had misspelled lieutenant, but then I saw it spelled correctly four paragraphs later.
Hans is in for an interesting hike. It will be interesting to see what Volkov has in store for him.
Nicely done!


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
    You're right. Leutnant is German for a second lieutenant, Oberleutnant is a first lieutenant. In other words, Hans is a junior officer, just above sergeant. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment by
mbroyles2
 
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Rating of Prologue -
Into Captivity
You're right I hadn't read this previously. The setting is terrific . You did a great job moving the story along and building suspense. You leave us wanting to know what Volkov has in store for our prisoner.
Great job!


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
    Glad you like Hans. You'll be seeing a lot of him if you follow me, lol. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment by
LIJ Red
Premier Author
 
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Rating of Prologue -
Into Captivity
A whole squad of Germans fled across Russia on a single BMW motorcycle with a sidecar, following the retreating army... best story Easyriders ever published. I enjoyed the film Enemy at The Gates. Now my review will save...excellent chapter.


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
    I liked Enemy At the Gates. Read the book, too. Thanks for reviewing, friend. I appreciate it.
Comment by
chcbeck
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Prologue -
Into Captivity
Wow your writing really sets the scene. An enchanting well written piece very worthy of the full star rating. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
    Thanks again.
Comment by
Harv
 
 
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Rating of Prologue -
Into Captivity
awesome clear precise and easy on the eyes, wanted to read on, so convincing and vivid, great page turner. i hope to read more soon it was a inspiration to writing

blessings


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2013



reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
    Hi, Harv. I'm working on the revised draft, and that prologue will go. There were a few technical things I got wrong in Chapter 1 about what happens if you're shot in the shoulder by a rifle -- but it's interesting anyway.

    So glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 79 -
I Came to Marry You. How Could You!
Read through this chapter too, awhile ago, still feel the same. The writing is clean and crisp, clear and effective, as a reader, I was disappointed and sad with Rostov, and I wondered why he had to come off as a villain to satisfy the conflict.

Tanya's bedroom. In the weak half-light of another dreary
(I wasn't sure about half-light. why not just weak light? or what kind of light is half-light?

Anyway, I liked the opening emotional reminder of Hans's feelings for Tanya, his seeing her, tiptoing to her bed, looking at her while she was sleeping. I thought that did well to remind that this story is a love story too. With all the action with Rostov.


Not now! Her father could come in, his common sense shouted, but he refused to listen.
(I paused on the 'his common sense shouted' but I'm not sure why I did)

The layout of the plan for treatment, I liked the setup for that, it gave grounding to what Hans is going to do for Rostov's injurys, though I don't know much about frostbite, all I have in my head was the kid with the hands that got blisters because of frostbite.

"We are engaged. Both families approved the marriage--" He lowered his voice.
(odd place to put he lowered his voice... she interrupted him. It makes it seem like he paused to lower his voice that more was coming from him, suggest putting in front or middle?)

God, is it the child?" she yelled. (why yell, it just seems like people are sleeping, and the switch over is abrupt. I still think that giving Tanya an easy out by making Rostov a villain cheapens things for me. There are so many rich complications of letting her keep her side of the tarnish, that she does care for him, and she hurt him.) "Is the baby the reason for your proposal?" She dropped his hand as if it burned her. (She's also very quick to turn on him here... automatically assuming he just wants a baby. So what if it was, why is she upset, she was going to marry him for the baby too? The baby was the reason for her accepting his proposal.)

It is innocent, even if its mother is a--" He stopped abruptly.
Well, what should I call a woman who has a child out of wedlock with an enemy of the State?"

Ah well, I don't know if it should be changed or not. I just gave my reactions, They might be right on target... where they should be. It is believable that Rostov would think she was a whore, sour grapes and hurt ego and all, as she was sleeping around unmarried, and there's always that double standard for girls.

Turtle.


 Comment Written 14-Oct-2011



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
    I'll undoubtedly change some of this, but probably Rostov will call her a whore so Hans can do what he does best--react. I don't like the Rostov only wanted baby, that he was sterile. It's a little too convenient. Well, actually MAMA was the reason she accepted his proposal--parental pressure, guilt over shaming Mama, etc. Thanks, Turtle. Will print this out.

reply by --Turtle. on 15-Oct-2011
    Food for thought, (devil's advocate) the reader has seen Hans react, he does it well, and does it often, and he has shown himself by coming to Tanya's side, and by treating Rostov, despite Rostov's sour constitution, but what about Tanya, her chance to face things come to life, to balance putting Rostov in place but acknowledging her mistake, to show some depth. She came out to do it, and was trying, but she was easily acquitted. All the wrong transferred to Rostov and now he's the villain, through the book, he's been competition (not really, cause Tanya wasn't tempted by him) for Hans to overcome. How does Hans react when the villain isn't facable. When Tanya's crying because she's hurt and embarrassed someone she cares about, and it can't be easily acquitted or undone. No worries though, nor. The formula is you have is sound, too. I think I'm just challenging the need to make Rostov take the fall. (ever see hot shots?) I just read the end of a love story where the second guy... the one who stepped up because of lovers forced parting, got left behind. And the guy in that one let the heroine go back to her lover, it was touching. But still, she was let off the hook.

    What do you do when the guy isn't letting you off the hook, and he's not a bad guy. It's more complicated, more of a burden on the woman, and harder for a man standing by her side.

    Maybe I'll take a stab at it, someday.

    Good point on Tanya accepted under pressure, not so much for the baby's sake. (though she wouldn't have done it had she not been pregnant)

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
    I printed this out, too. Good food for thought. Thanks so much, Turtle.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 78 -
I Should Have Left Him in the Snow!
Hi Nor,

I read through these chapters, gave you my overall concern a while ago, but here's my thoughts for this chapter


Giving first aid to Rostov was a little like licking jelly from a bayonet. One slip, and there would be a heavy price
(I really enjoyed this comparison image, also, the following thoughts on the repercussions of Rostov dying and Hans shaking it off because he wouldn't do something like that to save himself pulled me in, flowed well, and showed Hans's personality. Though his inability to allow people to die in the snow didn't mean he wouldn't poke at him and get a bit temperamental at the incorrigible behavior.

I was a little confused as to why with the logic that Rostov wouldn't open his eyes for German, and for shaking/touching, but for English? That was a little odd to me.

Other than that, I liked the awkward, irritating each other interaction between Hans and Rostov in this chapter.

thrusting the dish forward[,]? while resisting the urge to throw it.


Turtle.


 Comment Written 14-Oct-2011



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
    Rostov speaks some English, but no German. Just Russian and a little English. He might pick up on a German word that's like English--like arm, or hand. Of course, he's really pissed that Hans Schmidt had anything to do with saving him, LOL, and Hans doesn't like the situation either. Glad you liked it. Yes, Hans wanted to throw the dish at Rostov and walk out, but he restrained himself. Thanks so much, Turtle.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 77 -
He's Your Enemy. If He Dies . . .
Hi Nor,

I read through this chapter awhile ago, but I didn't leave my review, so I came back to do that today.



"We know," Dimitri said stiffly, removing Rostov's shirt.
Hans ignored him, stepped forward and laid his hand on the aviator's bare shoulder. Damn cold, and he's pale.
(should the aviator be Rostov?)



(Hans taking control of the situation worked well, painted him in a good, stable light. Also put Tanya in the light as a weak female a little bit, maybe instead of her not being able to do the task of finding iodine and then coming back empty handed to ask Hans what to do, she should bring back something... even if it won't work, to show she can make a decision and improvise. Vodka or something.

(I saw an episode of rescue 911 where a little boy nearly froze to death in the snow. He got to keep his hands and foot, but as soon as he started to warm up, his fingers blistered. Big water blisters, like a burn, not sure if that helps any, but it crossed my mind, and I saw it not that long ago, was surprised about blisters for snow burns)
Cold and hard, but of course it would be.
while we can avoid it."
(wondered why non of the guys cuddled up to Rostov to use body heat to help?)




He dropped into one of the kitchen chairs that doubled as a living room sitting chair [when the need arose,](is this needed?) and wiped his hand across his tired eyes.

go.(new paragraph) "Hey, Boris," Nicky said, "you're out on

language[,] but talk about me as if I weren't here? It's
(suggest to remove this comma, especially since the thought should be continuous)

annoying. Go to bed, you two. I'm [quite] all right." His
(hard to hear authority when a man say's quite)


A strong chapter for Hans, would say you don't completely have to remove all fire from Tanya to have her follow along, though.

Turtle.


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2011



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2011
    Yes, I should not have used aviator. Nicky and Hans cuddled up to Rostov earlier to keep him warm. At this point, I think he's in bed with the blankets, and Hans doesn't want to warm him too fast. If he does, I think it says somewhere in there that it could send a rush of cold blood the heart and kill him. Yes, I do need to beef Tanya up and I may have overdone it in the revised book. She comes across in the beginning chapters as a hard as nails bitch, believe it or not.

    You're right about the commas. I used to be very bad about putting up, any time there was an "and" or "but." Now I've learned better. In some ways, I have to toughen Hans's language. You may be right about "quite."

    Good to hear from you.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 76 -
Out of the Storm
Hi there Nor,



, and when the flyer mumbled(,?) he gave him a rough shove,

far to Boris's place, and it's getting dark."
(I liked the added suspense of worry piling on here, you have set the urgency of Rostov's condition (without us expecting him to die any second, and also the frustration and worry of the others not being back immediately, the conversation flowed well)

about hot tea[,] and a blazing wood stove.
(suggest removing this comma)

Hans, stiff with cold...

clutched his ski poles with stiffening fingers. By
(I sensed repeating info, but it was a stretch, they are probably far enough away and different focuses)


p on the couch. Hans gave a weary shrug. Sleeping on the
(The transition into explaining the sleeping arrangements worked well here, even thought it wasn't specific to the snowy storm, it sucked me in, but you didn't let the image get too far away from the action at hand)

Having seen her father and her uncle when they came for supplies, Tanya would be expecting them.
(I wondered if this would make more sense if Tanya came first.... i.e, Tanya would be expecting them ... Not sure, just something I thought as I was reading through)

smiled down into adoring eyes* bright as diamonds. Bending slightly, he gave her a soft kiss, bringing tears to both their eyes*.
(eyes echo? caught my eye, I paused.)

This chapter was really pretty smooth, tight. I do admit that the story slammed back into romance prose when Hans saw Tani, versus maybe a more subtle submerging, but other than that I really enjoyed reading through this, the first time I did, it was on a road trip, and I was reading for information, mostly just cause I wanted to see where things were going. Second time through, I was grateful for the stable continuity and easyness of it.

Good chapter here.

Turtle.


 Comment Written 01-Sep-2011



reply by the author on 03-Sep-2011
    I'm glad you liked it, Turtle. Well...Hans was pretty damned glad to see Tanya, ya know. He-he. Anyway, will be smoothing all this out, I hope. Some of the stuff, particularly later on with Rostov wanting Tanya to get Hans's child... not my best. Kinda stupid. Will redo.
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