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Reviews from
My Enemy, My Friend


This is a romantic story set in a WWII POW camp

  57 total reviews 
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 55 -
She Had No Right to Meddle!
Hi Nor,

I read through this chapter a couple times... my first and I think second review of it got eaten by the virtual gremlins. I'm getting pretty familiar with this chapter... This time, I'm not stepping away from my computer till I get it out.


would be furious enough to take a horsewhip to him. (I really liked the opening, the continuation/ conclusion of Tanya fending off an assault by Peter, though as mentioned before, I wondered if it was needed to tread into assault versus offense.


won't run to your (d)Daddy."


As the weeks passed, Peter stayed away from her, for which she was grateful. No longer able to blame her nausea on the flu, she accepted the truth as she lay down following a bout of morning sickness.
(The second half of this chapter, I had concerns, here. The transition didn't feel very smooth in time, the first and sentence felt disconnected from each other and there was a lot of telling/ catchup. I thought to recommend having the thoughts weaved in with some action, maybe having her at the toilet washing her face. Not sure how, just that I was concerned here at this transition point.)





"No!" She sighed. "I might as well tell you all of it." Her (I paused here, with the I might as well tell you all of it, saying that out loud didn't seem needed)


Damn! Damn the war, and damn Mother for writing to Gregor!
(I like the meddling Mother angle to keep the story progressing with conflict, adding Gregor back on the scene)



"I can do something Schmidt can't, sweetheart,(.?) I can give your baby a name."


fists clenched in her lap.

(this leaves her with a good angsty dilemma, I like the idea of her getting married to Gregor, but it only works well if he does plan to die. Still, his belief is rooted in superstition, and she did have feelings for him once. It will be interesting to see what she decides. Biggest concern in this chapter is the transition from Peter to her mulling over her pregnancy.)

Turtle.


 Comment Written 19-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 19-Mar-2011
    OK, I agree. I'm on chapter two of the revision, and the story's taking a different tack -- part thriller, actually. Starts with Nicky both tougher and crazier and Dr. Streicher coming across as a caring German surgeon. Nicky will soon be telling Hans there's something wrong with Streicher, and Streicher's already told him Nicky's insane. Hans will work at the camp infirmary (for a while) and patients will start to die. He'll solve the mystery and that's when things will get bad enough for him to move in with Tanya. At this point, he can't stand her or Nicky, and is beginning to pal up with Dr. Streicher, a fellow Aryan and superior officer.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 54 -
ATouch of the Flu? Something Else?
Hello Nor,
I read through this chapter a couple of times I liked that I was able to foresee Tanya being pregnant. Though I had mixed feelings about how it presented at the start of the chapter. I like the consistency of Tanya's mother she showed to be a woman of calm and practicality and tradition.
This chapter is heavy on Tanya's thoughts.
- to (M) mother's remark
well-stocked?
I like Tanya's caution on the slopes and her comparing Peter to Hans was something that I had been hoping Hans would have done in the earlier chapters for him.
I liked that Peter tried to make a move on Tanya, but I wasn't sure if it needed to ASCII late to violence to have an affect. I wondered why does Tanya have to get a crappy companion, while Hans has an exotic beauty whose sweet and innocent?
I wondered if it would have shown Tanya's love more if she had to dissuade Peter and he was a really nice guy or at least somewhat charming or something.
The plot is progressing nicely and I enjoyed reading this chapter. It will be interesting to see what Tanya does.
Turtle.


 Comment Written 10-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 11-Mar-2011
    Oh, Turtle. There's nothing "innocent" about Hans's exotic (and unwanted) companion. You'll see. As for Peter Ivanovich, Major Ivanovich's son, he's nothing like his father (the camp commandant). He's a sniper by trade, and of course that makes Hans (a German officer) the sort of prey he hunts. They meet in the second book, if I ever finish the second book (My Enemy No More.) In the revised manuscript for this book, I've made a lot of changes, one of which is that name "Ivanovich" which means (son of Ivan). The family name will be Danilov, so it will be Peter Ivanovich Danilov. I've learned a lot about Russian names since I wrote this. Even Nicky gets a new name,although at the moment I can't think of it. Oh yeah, it's Nicolai Vasilyevich Chichov, "Nicky" for short. Only the German names remain the same. "Tanya" will be called "Tanya", but that's short for "Tatianna." So she'll be (formally) Captain Tatianna Dmitrievna Kulakova (or something close to that spelling.) The Russian naming system is Given name (as we have) but the middle name is a patronymic and so always reflects the father's name. It's spelled one way for girls, another for boys. The family name (in her case, Kulakov) becomes Kulakova for females. Bet you were just dying to learn all that. It's nearly 1 a.m. here, and I'd better get to bed. Thanks for the review.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 52 -
She's a Quarrelsome Old Battle-Ax
Hi Nor,

Read through this chapter, this one kind of confused me... or maybe just rubbed me the wrong way. Mixed feelings. The scene itself was clear, I was more confused by Hans's behavior. Wouldn't a frumpy, belligerent lady be something Hans felt more comfortable with instead of a Siren temptress? Why does he care if she's sleeping with Akana? Bad first impression on both ends. He seems to go for the throat, though the lady hasn't really done much to offened except not been all that excited to see him, and not been all that attractive.

Figured I would mention my gut reaction was wanting more focused build up to his treatment to her, and why he's so put off.

He mentions the concern in his mind about her getting in the way of a nightly visit to Akana, it's touched the question in his own head, yet still, it doesn't give any other motive other than that.

Being on the inside of Hans and watching him, I'm with Sergi in this chapter, I have some skeptisim believing Hans actually loved Tanya, or if he was already getting over her.

Maybe he was just trying to be nice to Akana, but his motives are unclear and my first reaction to this chapter put Hans in an unflattering light, maybe cause I don't understand him. I have to wait and see where this goes..

TNT


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
    Hans does love Tanya, but he's a realist. If she's permanently gone from his life, it's something beyond his control. As for the battle axe, well she bullies Aksana and disrespects Hans, which he won't put up with.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 51 -
Don't Let a Little Blood Scare You
Hi Nor,

Read through this chapter, easy to visualize, good voice, a bunch of short pov's but I didn't find them distracting.


She patted Peter's arm, then let go.
(interesting to see Tanya's progress, glad she has a companion for the ride and nice seeding from back when Sergi was thinking Hans reminded him of his son)


Hans nodded toward [ ]a smaller pair of scissors.
(extra space, those are hard to see)

(another woman... that's kind of funny. Now all those girls need to do is get him drunk, no? Interested in seeing who the second girl is, also interested to see what comes of Nicky and Tanya.)

TNT



 Comment Written 05-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
    Peter will turn out to be absolutely nothing like Sergei.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 50 -
Don't Play Girlish Games With Me
Hi Nor, Read through this chapter, the commas separating the subject from the verb poked at me a bit, but the scene played out well, I was interested in seeing where the mini little plot about Hans giving a guy with a big pimple on his butt a week off...also liked his putting Ankasa in her place.)

What if there were a prisoner revolt, half the guards down with mumps, and Germans taking over the camp? (paused on the flow of this sentence. Not sure about it.)

TNT


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
    I don't think the "mumps" things words and will cut it. He's read so much, he's a bit silly. I shouldn't make the hero look silly.

    Yeah, he gave the guy with a boil a week off--to see if he could get away with actually BEING the doctor.Would Sergei challenge his decision? If so, then he's not really running the infirmary.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 49 -
He Yells Too Much!


Aksana Antipova as though he carried a heavy load.

(At first I was skeptical about being in Aksana's pov, but midway through I realized, sometimes, you can show more about the main character through another's eyes than you can from being in his pov. I liked his snipyness, and her questioning the question of his love for Tanya)



Like a dangerous wolf pup she'd (once) found caught in a trap, he needed comfort, but snarled and showed his teeth.
(suggest adding once, because at first, I thought it was a pretend analogy, not that actually once found a wolf pup)



have a wart on her nose or something! Why did Ivanovich do this to me?
(For a guy in love, he seems excessivly worried about hopping into bed with her... would have liked to see him comparing her to Tanya, to help us remember what Tanya looks like, a bit, but that was just a passing thought)

Strong entertaining chapter

Turtle.


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
    Hans was getting flack from the battle axe. She didn't want to take orders from him, she wanted a Russian doctor to be in charge. That's why he landed on her. The fact she was unattractive made him dislike her all the more, but it was the backtalk and lack of respect he would not tolerate. He couldn't. He's the doc in charge.

    As for his fear he'll jump in bed with Aksana... well, he's been a lady's man. Never more than one steady lady, but Tanya's been taken away. He doesn't trust himself, and he's ticked at Sergei for putting temptation in his way. Will try to do more with this chapter, too. You have good instincts, Turtle.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 48 -
Promise Me You Won't Kill Him
Hi Nor

I'm looking forward to the weekend,to get more reading done. I read through this chapter, and this one gave a good back and forward scene,... simutaneously showing what was happening with Nicky, while back tracking to show what Sergi told Tanya. A smooth chapter.


As they climbed into Gregor Rostov's small plane the morning after the killings in the infirmary, Rostov stared at her.
(The first sentence was the roughest of the whole chapter. Can't pinpoint exactly why though.)


head off. It's just stressing Nicky.
(I was hanging on Tanya's reaction to leaving, the playing of the emotional string of her never seeing Hans again, the worry of Nicky dying, it fuels good drama.)



you think Schmidt's in love with you? Hell, girl, he's a
(I like this added dynamic of doubt, enforced by sergei, concerning if Hans loves Tanya, and it fits because they haven't really known each other long enough to really make an effective stance against it, though the attraction and emotional ride they've gone on together makes the romance between them the wild fire kind)



The microbes in Streicher's deadly injection (would) need time to multiply.
(suggest to switch this to not inner voice)

The family doctor would certify her unfit for duty, which would mean the end of
(This is where I thought... oh, Tanya went and got knocked up. At least that was my guess and I liked it. Some don't like the whole, add the, but what of the baby parts of a romance, but i do.)

Turtle.


 Comment Written 03-Mar-2011



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2011
    Glad you liked this one. I agree with suggested added words, too.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 47 -
I Want to See Tanya!
Another good chapter, building up the anxiety/ tension of Hans being separated from Tanya.

It will be much better ... trained him to be.
(this chapter was a bit heavy on the internal thoughts, this chunck in particular)

"[You know ]I am a Leutnant, and you know what that means.
(suggest deleting the first you know)

(Later,) Alone in his bedroom, he paced. What's going on
(there felt like a missing time transition here)

Having decided, [ ]he walked down the hall to the storage
(extra space)

"I want to see Tanya. The corporal is of little concern to
(I like Hans's insistence to see Tanya, shows how he is attached to her in some ways, even when handed a shiny toy to play with)

Turtle.


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2011



reply by the author on 27-Feb-2011
    Hans is getting annoyed with Sergei, but of course the major is trying to give him a new toy to play with. Sergei believes all Hans felt for Tanya was lust, and of course the lovely corporal is much prettier. Hans is tempted, but beginning to dislike her, as you've seen or will soon see. Thanks again for all the input, Turtle.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 46 -
The New Interpreter
Hi Nor,

(trying to get in a few chapters before bed, enjoying the story... wish I had more time!)

Herr Doktor! The title sounds good, but rests heavy on my shoulders. (this might work better as non-thought)

A little closet near his quarters housed the medical supplies(.)
(missing period)

Shaking his head at his disabilities, he found the living area.
(this sentence doesn't work for me, the front does not sensibly lead to the end, like grasping his pencil, he wrote... holding a pencil leads to writing, but shaking his head didn't lead into finding the living area)


Will you try? One more thing, Sir,(.) I can't lift the

Glancing back, he saw the major was gone, leaving him alone with his new assistant. (I liked this)

(Well done with the plot twist, a sexy assistant to take him mind off Tani, smart of Sergi, Only one sentence that paused me.)

Turtle.


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2011



reply by the author on 27-Feb-2011
    I'll be making major changes here, including more exposition and less internal monologue thought.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 45 -
A Poor Chance is Better than None
Hi Nor,

This was a good reset chapter, coming off the excitement of the Striecher conclusion and giving the reader a breather to resettle with changing situations.

I liked the dialog, a few minor things,


The small, clean guest bedroom invited him (in?). 

A drawing of a lone( )T-34 tank battling heavier German
(missing space)

piping a contrast to [ ](extra space)his usual white-

then slid beneath the covers, instantly (falling?) asleep.

  (When he woke?)Awake again, he saw the promised bottle of
(Awake again was a weird prep)


cognac (had) arrived while he slept. 
(I think maybe had for time scaling)

what life is about, boy:  Giving back."
(a really good dialog exchange, painting a picture of understanding why the camp is not so prisonlike, learning more about Sergei and his motives)

Turtle.


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2011



reply by the author on 27-Feb-2011
    Right again, Turtle. I had been taught to avoid "had" at all costs but have learned it's needed for time shifts as you said.
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