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Reviews from
Dark Tales

Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Night In the Black Forest"
A collection of short tales of the supernatural
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60 total reviews
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You have a good story idea here, one that could prove to be exceptionally chilling. I think there are two things that need work.
First, I think that when your characters are speaking, their dialogue needs a little more description - to make them sound like real people having a real conversation. Perhaps beefing up the actual dialogue itself would be useful as well...
Second, I think perhaps a bit more detail is required around the whole process of the story, particularly at the end of the story. You have this great build up and then the story ends rather abruptly. If you go through it again and beef up the language a bit and give some idea as to what Bette is feeling as she realizes what is going on, the story could be a bit more chilling.
By the way, cliches aside, I love the use of "It was a dark and stormy night!"
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Comment Written 05-Feb-2007 |
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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2007
OK, I beefed up that ending and a few more places. If you have time, would you mind taking another look?
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reply by Aelriche on 06-Feb-2007
Hello again. Great job with the story changes. I like how Bette slowly realizes who she is dealing with near the end.
I like, by the way, your use of Germany and the Black Forest. I was in Germany a few years ago and visited the Black Forest and it is the perfect setting for a fairy tale or a good story. I remember visiting the archaic clock shops around the forest. I digress.
Good job with the changes and thanks very much for the contest nomination, it means a lot to have one's opinions valued.
Cheers.
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reply by the author on 06-Feb-2007
Ah, the Black Forest. I woke in a hotel there, on a rainy morning, listening to the song of "die Amstel". If you don't know, that's a blackbird. My friend in Bremen had a family of them in his back yard. Best trip I ever took to a foreign country.
As for the vote, you deserved it. I do a lot of reviews, and I know that half the time if a reviewer takes the trouble to help, they get a curt "thank you," if that. A couple of people have gotten downright hostile, but you know how it goes.
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