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Dark Tales


Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Night In the Black Forest"

A collection of short tales of the supernatural

  60 total reviews 
Comment by
Soul Odium
 
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I love the story! It was so eerie. Very well done!

My favorite part was: "Even the moon hid its face, afraid to come out on such a night."

I love stories like these. It teaches us to hearken to our instincts. When we see yellow eyes in a man's face, we need to RUN!!


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Jason, for your humerous and appreciative review. Someone said this morning that it didn't meet the contest specifications for horror/thriller, and that was sort of depressing. I may try a few more of these fractured fairy tales. This was sort of a Hazel and Little Red Riding Hood meet the wolf.
Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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interesting
creative

according to the rules though
this was supposed to be 'horror/thriller'

wasnt scary enough, sorry :(




thank you for sharing and write on!
shelley :-)


see~shell*s fortune cookie thought for the day.... "You will say yes when you should say no."



 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    Thanks for the review, sorry it didn't scare you.

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2007
    I scaried it up a little
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
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What an utterly delightful story you have written. I love twisted fairy tales and this is an brilliant one! I believe you could get this published. good luck!


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    I'm thinking about getting a book of Grimms and twisting a few more. Glad you liked it. Somebody just told me it isn't scarey enough for the contest rules. Oh, well.
Comment by
Lokman
 
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Immaculately written! What a superb story you've created here! Loved every time the lightning flashed, knowing something awful was coming, just not knowing what it would be. Great ending!

Lokman


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    Oh hey! I love it when the plan comes together. Actually, it started out as Hansel and Gretel, and then Hansel told me he was a werewolf (only another writer would understand that happening) but I still didn't know how it would end. "Uncle" was supposed to be a witch, and the two wolves would fight...but the thing wrote itself. Thanks for a great review, Lokman.

reply by Lokman on 05-Feb-2007
    Is there anything more wonderful in writing than when thinhs like that happen. True creativity coming to the fore!
Comment by
2007 Script Writer Of The Year
FrankieT
 
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Hola,

Nicely done.

Suspense builds well but sort of expected the ending to be somewhat like it was.

Good dialogue.

Good imagery.

I wished I had known how they met, got together and why they were out on this 'dark and stormy night'.

Maybe the story could be fleshed out a bit more.

Ciao,
FrankieT


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    Yeah, I could have done that through dialogue and flashback. Guess I was too busy trying to create atmosphere. Some people expected the end, others were taken completely by surprise. Thanks for stopping by, Frankie.
Comment by
marion
 
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  Rank:  502
 
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A great big bad wold story nor84. Easy to read, well written. Great opening paragraph, kinda opens you into wanting much more....great picture art...top presentation. Congratulations on the All time Best Ribbon....well deserved. I enjoyed. Marion.


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    Can't take credit for the picture, Marion. Although I agree it's great, it was provided by the contest itself. Glad you like this little ditty. I might get a book of Grimms Fairy tales and play around in there some more.
Comment by
AidanConnors
 
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Great story, full of suspense and it flowed very smoothly from the start to the finish. Only two very minor things:

Firstly, I think (and I'm not 100% sure about this) with elipsis that you are supposed to leave a space after it.
Secondly, I think the spelling is liebchen

Nice writing, good luck.


 Comment Written 05-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    On the second one, you're correct. On the first...I don't know. It's odd, I know how to spell liebchen, I didn't just throw it in there. Will take a look.

reply by the author on 05-Feb-2007
    The error in liebchen was a typo. I looked up the elipsis, and it appears I did it right. If I didn't, believe, Suneagle would have caught it when he reviewed this one.

reply by AidanConnors on 05-Feb-2007
    OK, I guess you're looking at different grammatical websites than I am.
Comment by
Kone Simons
 
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When he was a boy? He told me he's eighteen. What an [A] strange thing to say. Oh, well, the whole night is odd--And darned scary!

Hansel raised his head. "The woodcutter's cabin is just ahead. I can smell he has a fire going, and something else. Food! Roasted rabbit. Do you smell it?" [HINT-HINT]

THIS IS REALLY GOOD. JUST ONE TYPO THAT I COULD FIND.


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Kones, I'll go in and fix that.
Comment by
LittleEmpress
 
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Interesting story. I didn't see any typos or errors in it. I think this will do very well in the contest. I liked it a lot. Good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2007
    Thanks, LittleEmpress. It started out as Hansel and Gretel, then something happened to Hansel and he became (shudders) a werewolf!
Comment by
mmichelle97219
 
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Very good modernizing of the Little Red Riding Hood tale. I would love to see this continued a bit to see what happens to Bette, and maybe hear a little about the family's disgrace. Good gripping story.
Michelle


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Michelle. It makes my day when someone doesn't want one of my stories to end. Remember when Hansel remembered the Black Forest legend of the werewolf of Feudenstadt? It was in internal monologue. That's the family disgrace, and "Uncle" is the werewolf who was shot while killing sheep and found in his bed as a wounded man.
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