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Dark Tales


Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Night In the Black Forest"

A collection of short tales of the supernatural

  60 total reviews 
Comment by
GoNatsGo
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Sheer excellence...another beautifully written chapter...it embodies great flow and imagery of your innermost and true feelings. Simplistic, astounding and brilliant. An enjoyable read. Peace always,J.


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2007
    Thanks again, Go. You are always so nice to me. Started out to be Hansel and Gretel, and switched itself to Little Red Riding Hood!
Comment by
rivki1111
 
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Excellent
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Hi Nor, I notice this is a contest entry, so good luck! I enjoyed reading your story, which moved at a good pace, keeping the reader involved and it certainly met the requirements for the comp. I didn' t notice anything technically wrong as i read through, spelling and grammar looking good. Thanks for sharing your writing, which i would recommend to other readers for review, cheers, rebekah


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2007
    Thanks, rebekah. I always appreciate your reviews. All the spags were fixed before you saw this. Somehow, the Fanstory computer made about half the story italics! Ugh.
Comment by
angela oiticica
 
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Excellent
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Very good this piece. The author could make a new story of the old Little Red Ridinghood.

I found very original and I just came to notice the modernization of the fairy tale out of author notes. Sounds very different from original.

The story holds attention from the begining to end. It's interesting new ideas about the Black Forest with a new aproach.

Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    So glad you liked it. I thought a dark and stormy night in the black forest would make it especially scarey. I visited the black forest -- Absolutely loved it!

reply by angela oiticica on 04-Feb-2007
    Nordic gothic things are always welcome. I like horror stories.
Comment by
Mylhibug
 
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Excellent
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Very interesting modernization, although you would think that little Bette would be smarter than that. Then again, maybe she wasn't brought up right. I enjoyed your story and wish you the best with the contest.


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Aw, it's just that Hansel is so cute, so European...Thanks for the stars and the review.
Comment by
Marjorie D.
 
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Excellent
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Yikes! You scared the bejeebers out of me when she thought she saw Hansel's eyes gleaming yellow! You did an amazing job creating this creepy, gloomy atmosphere. The bit of German you used, helped make this all the more convincing.

Really well done, Norma!!

Marjorie


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Marj. I didn't think I was ever going to get the thing written. Got reading the legends of the black forest, and finally just narrowed it down to werewolves. There's a legend about ghostly monks who terrorized villages until a saintly monk came along and put the ghosts in bags and threw them into the sea. Supposed to be a haunted castle, and the Dwarves, well they are supposed to help people who are being pursued by witches, etc., by hiding them in a secret cave. I spent the night there, in a hotel. Woke to rain and a bird singing beautifully (an Amsel -- a blackbird.) Very romantic, and not at all spooky.

reply by Marjorie D. on 03-Feb-2007
    Fantastic! Maybe next time around, you can use that 'romantic' feeling in a story!
Comment by
agudoa1
 
 
Good
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Good story. i enjoyed it much. Good diction and tone. Good job

A few things I wanted to point out

It was a dark and stormy night. - Cliche, i dont know if thats what you wanted or not.

thunder rolled and rattled - tto say it rattled makes it sound weaker than i thiink you want it to be.



 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Story has to start with "It was A Dark and Stormy Night." That's the contest rules. Otherwise, I wouldn't use it. But writing it was fun.

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Now that you know the cliche is part of the rules, can I ask if you'd be willing to give me another star?
Comment by
Doreen Dulally
 
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Excellent
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Wow give me the old version anyday

you certainly can tell a great story

scary my my yes very much so

it's my middle of the night here

akkkkkk LOL

GOOD LUCK YOU WROTE A WINNER HERE


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    I sure hope so, Doreen. As for that other thing, I'd already decided to drag it on a little more with Hans going into Russia. Some people will think it should end where it is, me included. But I love doing it.

reply by Doreen Dulally on 04-Feb-2007
    and i loved reading it
Comment by
suda
 
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Excellent
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Oh yeah! Awesome, nor84. Great dialogue, good graphic imagery, and the tension swept me through to the end. The story ended much to soon (sigh).
Entertaining, good read. Good luck in the contest.
Susan

P.S. Your story could be the prologue to a paranormal romance novel...easily. Think about it.


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Suda. Somebody else said the same thing. I love paranormal, just never tried to write one. I'll keep it in mind. Your review is much appreciated.
Comment by
Killer Headache
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Great story, grabbed my interest and kept my attention!

Great dialogue.

Great enjoyment by readers; No errors.

No need for adjustments


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Killer. I hope everybody likes it. Your review is appreciated.
Comment by
GentleCloud
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Nor, what a wonderfully scary tale. The buildup is excellent and the photo enhances the story. And your usual style is there, inner thoughts and all. I like the sound of Hansel. even though he is a werewolf. You could very well spin a yarn out of this one. It has the makings of a good love story :) Thanks for the fun read.


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2007


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2007
    Thanks, Gentle Cloud. Haven't heard from you for a while. Of course, it's just a contest entry, but you do raise the possibility of a romance.
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