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Reviews from
Leda and the Swan


a tri-sonnet creation myth

  34 total reviews 
Comment by
EKPoet
 
Review Stars
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Your language is too convoluted my taste, and very difficult to follow. I am very familiar with the original by Yeats, a masterpiece, and difficult to emulate. I do not find the same music in this, but it is a gallant attempt. Parts of it seem to work better than others;part two is my favorite, and bits of part three. This is an ambitous poem and I recognize that your style has an interesting, unique music, prosaicand articulate. I will read more of your work. EK


 Comment Written 28-May-2007


Comment by
Margokatt
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
WOW!

Great poetic writing.

I am not sure what to say except you have made great use of your time away.

I am going to read the entire book if you don't mind.

Perhaps, I'll spend some money one day to buy your book. . .

well-crafted!

mk


 Comment Written 28-May-2007


Comment by
James H. Oldfield
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Without a doubt the most accomplished piece of poetry I've read here in a long time. I'd award the sixth star, if only I'd stumbled accross this in time for it to be eligible.

I'm sure you don't need me to state this, but I'll wax-lyrical regardless. Exceptional meter, excellent use of rhyme.

The only place I found issue was the final couplet of the first canto, and I strongly suspect that's down to my accent. Personally, I'd say 'history' and 'mystery' using only two syllables ('hist-ri'/'mist-ri'). Assuming you'd use (the correct) all three, they do retain the meter in terms of syllable count, but even pronounced this way feel unnatural to me. Perhaps this is accent again. Pronounced fully, I'd put the stress on the second syllable (hisTORy), whereas the meter demands stress on the first and third (HIStorY). Hence, in my tongue, the problem. Yet, if it is only my tongue, then the problem indeed is mine only... :)

I'm guessing by the ability shown in the rest of the piece, this may well be the case.

All in all, superb, and excellent read and you'll be heading straight to my frankly short fan list. I may also be making my way to your portfolio... :)

Take care -James


 Comment Written 03-Apr-2007



reply by the author on 03-Apr-2007
    My feeling is the sparse tetrameter rhythm forces a full pronunciation of those two words and the metre certainly sounds correct, to this ear anyway. It may well be a cultural difference, an accent, as you say. I know, in my country, the three syllables are fully pronounced in most instances. Anyway, thankyou for your extremely thoughtful and detailed review and words of praise. Much appreciated. You are more than welcome to review other works in my book and of course my portfolio as a whole :-) Regards, Blu

reply by James H. Oldfield on 04-Apr-2007
    You're absolutely correct, I showed the lines to my wife (an American) and she had no trouble what-so-ever, so evidentally it is indeed my own tongue which is the issue. As is so often true... :)

    Take care -James
Comment by
bbutterfly109
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I like your poem.
I hope I can look at more of your work.
Hopefully, that is soon.
I saw no SPAG.
Have a wonderful rest of the night.


 Comment Written 02-Apr-2007



reply by the author on 03-Apr-2007
    Thank you bbutterfly, I do my best to make my work SPAG free, but there seems always one or two mistakes that escape the net. Thanks for your help -Blu
Comment by
BLACKDYKE
 
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Excellent
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I am not into the Legend and myth world Blu' but I cannot put this down, I mean I cannot lay it down. I have printed it so as to get more from what enters my head whilst trying to interpret all therein. The picture captured my imagination instantly, it is quite beautiful and then to the work. I know I shall get much more from this in the future.


 Comment Written 02-Apr-2007



reply by the author on 03-Apr-2007
    I am pleased you are getting so much out of my poem BD and thankyou for this tremendous review. Regards, Blu
Comment by
KalleeMerra
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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really well written, wonderful imagery and weaving of ancient tale and modern myth. i particularly liked,'
"She, live beyond the senses, curls;
he, to another death, unfurls"

well done conclusion,
kallee merra


 Comment Written 01-Apr-2007



reply by the author on 03-Apr-2007
    Thankyou so much for your excellent review KalleeMerra. My regards to you -Blu
Comment by
Lokman
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very interesting poem, as much for the notes but also for where the myths came from. There are many ways to view these myths and probably millions of ways poets have written about them over time, yet nonetheless i found yours to be very well done, skillfully creating new words and images to make this into a wondrous piece.

Lokman


 Comment Written 01-Apr-2007



reply by the author on 03-Apr-2007
    Thankyou so much for an appreciative review Lokman, I really appreciate it. Regards, Blu
Comment by
AK
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Mon Cher Blu,

Exquisite is far too faint a praise for such a beautiful, soulful offering. I was always fascinated by the legend, and the sonnet by Yeats has been one of my favorites. You do far more than justice to both the myth and the great poet. ( One of my favorites)

I love the tri-sonnet structure and it certainly shows the very careful crafting and delicate imagination of a master poet. The word choices, the imagery, the flow are beyond compare.

"Thrice: spawns all wretched wars anew.
For every head hung foul on rope,
or graved by politiking hand,
whence comes a single band of hope?"

"A synapse jumps, a finger curls;
two heads and hearts gestate; here more
than universals: history
and stars, in formless swirling cores."

Stunning and with great impact. I can choose no more lines, they are all par excellence.

Bravo and Merci Beaucoup.
Ami


 Comment Written 27-Mar-2007



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2007
    I don't know what to say m'Lady, your praise has my head in such a spin. I must go find a bucket of cold water to dunk it in. Thankyou, and thankyou again, my new-found friend. Love, Blu

reply by AK on 28-Mar-2007
    The pleasure and honor is entirely mine, dear friend.
    Ami
Comment by
dragonqueen1983
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
i like how you've split this up into three. i love mythology to i enjoyed reading this. i also like the commetns you made in your authors notes some of theese theorys are new to me but they make sense. well done


 Comment Written 26-Mar-2007



reply by the author on 27-Mar-2007
    Thanks again dragonqueen. I'm pleased you enjoyed reading this one also. This is the first time I've attempted writing sonnets, and I used a tetrameter rather than pentameter line length. It's nice to get positive feedback. Cheers -Blu
Comment by
SnowBound
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Okay, first I was reading your bio and that took me a few minutes, enjoying it all the while. Then I read the poem start to finish and that took me quite a while as I slowed way down to get each word (tiny print) and nuance. Then I read the notes.

Whew

I've spent less time with my son today. Leda is a fascinating creature and you covered the subject with beauty and allure.

Thanks for the read.

SnowBound


 Comment Written 25-Mar-2007



reply by the author on 27-Mar-2007
    LOL I hope I'm not really so to blame for you losing such quality time with your son Snow Bound, or if I am, that it was worth it! I am very flattered and impressed by the time you devoted to the task of reading my work with full attention. Thankyou indeed, and my regards to both you and your son -Blu
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