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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Other Man"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
Minataur
 
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Super love scene! Okay, who did the deed? Lover, husband, stranger? Can't wait to find out, so moving on now. Hugs,

Maggie


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2007
    Keep going, Maggie. I'm very grateful for your interest and support on this.

    Thank you!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pooka
 
 
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Aha! You'll be sick of my comments soon - but I did resolve the mystery of the first chapter. LOL! Chapter 2 and 3, etc begin before the murder described in Chapter 1.. making Chapter 1 more like a prologue though I've heard through the grapevine that prologues are no longer in vogue. :)
Each of the chapters is excellently written, the dialog between Valerie and Ed here is natural, well described.
But I have to say, the chapter order is a bit of a sticking point with me though I haven't read much in this genre to know if it's regularly used so take what I say with a grain or three of salt.
Still enjoying it though!
Best Wishes,
Pooka


 Comment Written 30-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 30-Nov-2007
    Yeah, I don't really know what's in vogue or not, but I actually do plan to turn the first chapter into a prologue. Considering it does happen a week before what's now Chapter 1, I think it's the better way to go.

    Thanks much, Pooka!

    Marjorie
Comment by
azbukivedi
 
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Everyone's screwing around there. Any intact marriages? No, wait, that would be boooring. LOL
I like this novel. I would have bought it. I don't know why it's not published yet. Not that anyone's asking my opinion.


 Comment Written 20-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2007
    What a wonderful thing to "hear"! You're very sweet. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

    What you're reading on-site right now, are the revised chapters of my novel. I've gotten so much quality input from my Lock and Key reviewers and others here that the chapters are reading better than before. I hope they'll be good enough to make the difference to some editor out there.

    Thanks again. You're so kind.

    Marjorie
Comment by
ransomme
 
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Marjorie D, I didn't find anything in this chapter to criticize, I will continue to read.
I do relate to Valerie's sense of imperfection with her body. Mine is not in the best of shape.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2007
    Mine either. Far from it!

    Ransomme, thank you. I appreciate your review and great rating,

    Marjorie
Comment by
davidray
 
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Hi Marjorie. I read this with enjoyment. I don't think there's anything I would change in particular. The story line flowed well. The dialogue was bang one. Good job, my friend. I look forward to more. :)


 Comment Written 14-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
    I'm glad you're enjoying it, David! I definitely appreciate getting your input.

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
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Valerie! You naughty girl! LOL!

What a wonderful read, MD. It's so realistic it's astonishing. You have a real knack for writing believeable dialogue. This is my pleasure to read such good writing--I'm so proud of you, girlfriend!


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2007
    I'm reading your reviews in reverse order, Tracy. It's like pushing rewind on the VCR. LOL

    I hope continue to feel that way as the story continues. (The tension builds.) There are some very strange twists coming up in future chapters.

    (Writing "naughty" can be fun, but don't tell anyone I said that.)

    Marjorie
Comment by
cjvaughn
 
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Now that ... was romantic! You've got to love a guy who behaves like that... Loved this tender scene between Valerie and Ed. The imagery was perfect.

I really like how you show us these characters, their flaws and their concerns.

You're weaving an exceptionally good tale here filled with deceptions, secrets, and scintilating undertones.
Keep going, this is great!

I read through three times and could find nothing that needed attention or editing.


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2007
    Phew! I tend to hold my breath until the Lock and Key reviews are in. Doesn't everyone? LOL

    Thanks big bunches, CJ!

    Marjorie
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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I really enjoyed this chapter, so these two are the couple who are having the affair, well of course they are...lol....I love the descriptions and the way she felt about the light on...many women will know how she feels.

Another great chapter.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2007
    More surprises are in store, Sarah. Thanks for reading and reviewing my first-ever novel posting! This novel and its sequel are the ones that are already being represented by an agent, but, the truth is, the revisions coming out of posting it here are making it a far better version. Once done, I'll be sending a revised copy to my agent.

    Thanks, Sarah!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 13-Oct-2007
    Cool, thats really cool, wow you have an agent, thats one thing to becoming an author in print.

    Well done, wish I was closer, one day.

    Sarah.
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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I don't have a whole lot of notes on this one. Your descriptions, as always, were great!

He cupped her breast, then let his hand drift downward slowly, like warm honey. (I didn't like "slowly" here. I felt it should be left out, and the description to describe the action. Like: He cupped her breast, then let his had drift downward, like warm honey ... (I wanted to ask ... like warm honey doing what??? dripping off toast?? like warm honey seeping over the edges of pancakes?? Okay, I'm being goofy, but I just felt the description/analogy was incomplete.)

About midway through, there is a lot of , Val and , Ed. Might want to take a look at that. Obviously they know each other well, and I noticed severa times in a row that names were mentioned in speech.



That's all for now! I'm off to print out five so I can take a look at it, and hopefully get back to you tonight or in the morning.

Hugs,

Heather

Keep em coming!


 Comment Written 12-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2007
    Hahahahahaha You sound just like me! Yesterday, I accidentally posted Chapter 5 in the workshop instead of Lock and Key. I had to have Tom move it.

    No problem.

    Marjorie
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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I can tell that this is already a good book and lots of fun to read. I like this sort of thing, if you didn't already know that. The dialogue, again is very smooth. I like the descritions as well. I can see everything happen in my minds eye. Great job
hugs
book


 Comment Written 12-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 12-Oct-2007
    Thanks lots, Book! I'm very excited about the revisions that have come about. It makes me all the happier about posting them now.

    Again, thanks for your input and taking the time to keep reading.

    Marjorie
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