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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing

Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Other Woman"
An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN
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25 total reviews
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Comment by | Premier Author | | Premier Reader | | Poet Rating     Rank: 192 | Author Rating For Short Works      | Author Rating For Novels      | Review Stars        | | |
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an audible ?pout? <<< I like that. Some might consider the "there was" leading off that sentence to be passive.
At Rich Denning?s retirement party tonight, Chet rescinded his own plans to retire next month. <<< Are Chet and Rich both going to be important to the story? If not, I think it's an unnecessary complication to the sentence. Chet could make the announcement at any party.
you don?t want to talk and you don?t want to fool around. <<< Hmm. Very interesting. You're hinting at a male characteristic that most women don't get. Have you got an inside track?
He had to give her points for caring <<< Another interesting line. Does she really care, or is she working him?
her loyalties came between them. <<< I know what you're getting at, but I don't like the phrasing. Isn't it more her affections, her ambitions, her something that is coming between them?
I liked this chapter. A lot of character development that was very intriguing.
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Comment Written 14-Oct-2007 |
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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
Hey, Caner! You survived the outing! Way to go. I'm glad you're back.
While Chet Stockton is never "seen" in this story, as President of A.C.C. and Valerie's father, he definitely plays a very important part in the plot. You're right about leaving Rich Denning's name out of it, though. It's not important that the reader know his name. I've just deleted it. Thank you! See? You're one of my most valuable assets.
I did leave "loyalties" in place. It really is what I meant. She felt she couldn't take sides, so she was left riding a fine line between them.
Thanks again, Caner!
Marjorie
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reply by Mr Hyde on 14-Oct-2007
A few interesting moments - one with a first aid kit and one with some coyotes, but, yes, we made it.
That's what Boy Scouts is supposed to be, right?
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reply by the author on 14-Oct-2007
Sounds very interesting, Caner! Maybe you can tell it in a story. (Just a thought.)
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reply by Mr Hyde on 14-Oct-2007
Hadn't thought of that. Maybe it would be a good story.
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