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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Lull Before the Storm"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  19 total reviews 
Comment by
davidray
 
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Man, am I ever behind on my reviewing! When was this posted? October 17th? Geez. Here goes nothing. A good partof your chapter, Marjorie, with some good flow and interesting dialogue. A few things I'd like to ask of you:

-Betty Newell was preparing to see Woody off for the day. (Betty Newell prepared ...)

-Woody looked at her over the top of the Widmer Weekly. He recognized the tell-tale signs of fatigue. (Woody peeked at her over the top of the Widmer Weekly, recognizing the tell-tale signs of fatigue.)

-Woody abruptly ended the transmission a minute later, aware Irene could keep him talking until he pulled into the station parking lot if he gave her half a chance.

His thoughts wandered back to Hank Kramer. It had to be a solid gold bovine for all the fuss the old man was kicking up over it.

Woody cranked the window down. Summer pounded at spring?s door. Buds appeared on trees that only five weeks earlier were bowed under the weight of the last snowfall. (I thought this whole section could have been in the same paragraph)

-It was perhaps the most imposing, but the least conspicuous. (You know how much I hate the word 'was' in sentences. How about this: It may have been imposing, but the least conspicuous.)

-The landscaping was predominantly wild though tamed (The landscape remained predominantly ...)
That's it. Nothing more to say but keep up the good work. Your story is reading real good from my perspective. Trying to read this in order is lots of fun!! :)


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 Comment Written 31-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 31-Oct-2007
    Busy, busy, busy! This is pretty strange. I've been reading your reviews in reverse order. It's like running the rewind button. LOL

    The revisions are made and thank you once again, David. You're a terrific help.

    Marjorie
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
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  Rank:  192
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Hi Marjorie! I liked this chapter because you went into Woody's character more, and I can't help but like him.Seems he enjoys his job but is kinda bored with the daily tasks...he's in for a surprise pretty soon, huh?

A great, turn-the-page ending, M!

Smiles,
Indy :>)


 Comment Written 30-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 30-Oct-2007
    He's definitely in for a surprise--more than one, in fact!

    You've got Woody pegged pretty well, Indy.

    Thanks for sticking with this book. I love hearing from you.

    Marjorie
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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Another great read, I do wonder what happened to the cow..I know sad huh, I wonder if its now a burger somewhere....lol....

I look forward to reading more of this novel.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2007
    Eventually, all is revealed, Sarah. LOL

    Thanks for continuing to read my story! I'm psyched!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 26-Oct-2007
    You're more than welcome, I have to admit I have kinda neglected this site, as far as reading is concerned.

    I am a little annoyed too, (not at you, or anyone in particaular...) but I spent all that money for a book balloon and only had two new readers, little disappointed in it. I think, no I know I will not use one again, I know it might be due to the amount of chapters I have posted...(I'm not hinting at you to get there and read now, I know you are a busy woman...I think I did ask you already. My brain is a bit clouded on who I asked....

    Speak soon.

    Sarah.
Comment by
azbukivedi
 
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Oh-oh, I am surprised already! Interesting. Chainsaw... Ouch.
Well, now I really have to read the next chapter. I think I stopped at ten... So, I only have one more to go!


 Comment Written 20-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2007
    You certainly show a a lot of perseverance, Azbukivedi. I love it!

    Thank you ... again.

    Marjorie

Comment by
Tasmin Talbot
 
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....the roar of charlie bartons chainsaw!!! wow i love how you have ended the chapter with that sentence. that has really got me hooked and wanting more.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 19-Oct-2007
    That's great news, Tasmin! Learning how to end chapters with a "hook" is important, but it's not always easily done. I'm glad you liked that one!

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Sandollar
 
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I enjoyed this portion of the story very much. Your descriptions are impressive. You manage to say a lot in a little space. I haven't read the previous chapters but do intend to read the following ones.

As Chief of Police in some place of greater consequence, maybe he could afford a little piece of lake property himself. In Widmer, the position only allowed him to set foot on those properties as a civil servant. May I get your hat, your coat, your vandal, truant, your goddamn missing cow, ma’am, sir?

I loved this. It convey his frustration with the job and his position in the community very well. Although I feel he does at least like his job, if he got an opportunity to change, he would.

There were no errors that I could find.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 19-Oct-2007
    I really love it when someone gets, perfectly, what it is I intended to convey. You hit the nail on the head, Sandollar. Thanks for that and taking the time to review it!

    It's great news that you're planning to follow along. There are lots of surprises to come.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Honus X Heppablatte
 
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This is a fascinating write. Your voice is unique and you spin this yarn with grace and dignity. This is softly rendered but comes across with a force more powerful than nature. This was my pleasure to have reviewed. Thanks for posting it here at fanstory.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 19-Oct-2007
    Honus, you've started my day off wonderfully. I'm honored by your comments.

    Thank you very, very much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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My my, you are pumping out these chapters faster than one can milk a cow. Though this chapter seems far from the last ones, I'm sure there will be a connection. I'm looking forward to finding out.
hugs
book


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 19-Oct-2007
    You're right. I'm getting them out as fast as possible. I'm anxious to do the revisions and send the improved finished project to my agent as soon as I can. Not only that, it's easier to maintain the reader's interest if the chapters come at a fairly good clip. It's too easy to forget who's who and what's what, if the spacing is too far apart.

    Thanks, Book.

    Marjorie

reply by bookishfabler on 19-Oct-2007
    I only wish I had the time to pace my book like you are doing. You have an agent? Wow, how'd you do that? When you're published, let me know. I want to be the first on line.
    hugs
    Heidi

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2007
    My agent isn't from some impressive New York agency. She's located in Florida, but seems to be doing a good job. I think "perfecting" my novel is what's really needed. My query letter is what I think got my book into her hands. I sent it to one of the partners. She had too many clients to accept another, but liked my presentation in the query and passed it along to another partner. She, in turn, took me on.

    It's happens! It will to you, too, Book. I'm sure!

reply by bookishfabler on 19-Oct-2007
    Sometimes, smaller is better, especially when starting out. That must have been some query. I may have to look around for Florida agents. It's my hometown. New York is way to competitive. You really have to get lucky there. Thanks and good luck
    Heidi

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2007
    When you get ready to start the hunt, here's the address of my agent.

    Bennett & West Literary Agency
    Lois Bennett, Agent
    5144 NE 102nd Place
    Oxford, FL 34484

    Email Address:

    belois@comcast.net


reply by bookishfabler on 19-Oct-2007
    That is very sweet and generous of you. I will look that up. I'm sure they represent in the mystery crime genre, since I believe that is what you are writing. I really appreciate it. Thank you
    Heidi
Comment by
mslink1
 
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at her ''over the top'' of the Widmer (usually written"over-the-top'')
driveway.The house itself couldn?t (spacing after the period)
Nice chapter, Marjorie. I love the way you are taking the readers from one chapter to another. My only suggestion is to watch the passive voices. You have fragments, but the way they are used, I'm assuming that you are aware of them--you're too good not to be:) Mary



 Comment Written 18-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2007
    Hi Mary.

    I wasn't sure how well it would go over leaving my group of "nasties" for a chapter about a missing cow! It's good to know it, apparently, hasn't bothered anyone.

    I think the hyphens in "over the top" are dependent on the usage. When used in a sentence like -- He was way over-the-top, I think that would be exactly right. Looking over the top of something has a different meaning. I don't think the hyphens are needed in that case. Just so you know, I'm glad you brought it up, Mary. It makes me double-check myself, and that's a very good thing!

    The spacing is now fixed. As you thought, the fragments are intentional.

    Keep helping ... puhleeze!

    Thanks.

    Marjorie
Comment by
hyway94
 
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While Woody goes about his business, I think I tell you how good your story is. OK now that I told you maybe you should write some more. Is the hat getting tighter? Have a good one and remember GO PACK.


 Comment Written 18-Oct-2007



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2007
    Yes! Go Pack! They're doing great so far. I hope they keep it up.

    You know, Charlie, I'm starting to get headaches. The hat is just plain old getting too snug! Maybe I'll have to ask you to stop reviewing my stuff. Nah! I'll just get a big bottle of Excedrin!

    Thanks, buddy!

    Marjorie
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