Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Minute
Deadline: Today!

Four Line Poem
Deadline: In 3 Days

Two Line Poem
Deadline: In 5 Days

Share Your Story
Deadline: Dec 17th

Free Verse Poetry Contest
Deadline: Dec 22nd


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Torn"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  25 total reviews 
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Good dialogue...

totally believeable..

I'm hooked..

this is a bestseller! I can feel it!

Marjorie, I am enjoying every word..evey nuance...great stuff..


 Comment Written 25-Mar-2008



reply by the author on 25-Mar-2008
    Oh, you sweet talker! Remember ... no sugar coating. Oh! That's right. That's what you told ME, Tracy. LOL

    I'm kidding. I know I can count on you to be very candid 'cuz that's what I need, and I trust you. Whenever you find I've messed up, just jump right in there and let me have it, Tracy! I'm wearing a "bulletproof" vest.

    XO

    Marjorie
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  197
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Even though Ray and Woody don't see eye-to-eye on their techniques, I think they make a good team. I did think Woody would have followed Paul to see what he was going to do and keep an eye on him.

Smiles,
Indy :>)


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2007
    The trouble is, Paul was headed back to Minneapolis. It's a long way from Widmer.

    Thanks, Indy!
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I think this chapter moved along just nicely, I have no real thoughts yet to who killed her and why? I think I will have to read on and try harder to find out.

Great job again.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 07-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2007
    Muchas gracias, Sarah!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 07-Nov-2007
    You're welcome.

    Sarah.
Comment by
ransomme
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I can't help but wonder if he did it. I think not, but you never know. A very intriguing story. I know keep reading and stop guessing. Great job.


 Comment Written 06-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 06-Nov-2007
    I'm very happy about your reactions, Ransomme. They tell me I must be doing something right.

    Thank you!
Comment by
davidray
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I apparently gave you a lower rating than I intended. YOu must have shrugged your shoulders when I said nothing too serious here and then gave you a four. I apologize. I knew I was getting tired when I was writing my comment to you.
Have a rainbow day, my friend .....
David
Here's the fiver I meant to give you last night.


 Comment Written 03-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 03-Nov-2007
    The changes have been made, David. Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
TomandOma
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What is it with Ray? Is his testosterone at a boil? Does he want to kick everyone?Dang those chapters I missed. I suppose he's a disappointed divorced man, whose job changed him into non-husband material? I'm going to have to go back and read the first thirteen chapters. Oh well, that's not exactly a bad prospect. [titter!]

I thought the interview was well written and possibly might have produced either a clue or a red herring, if Ray hadn't been so brutal.

I see nothing to carp about here. The story is moving forward in linear style, with no construction faults that I can see, so I'll cut the cackle and get on to 'Pushing the Limits.

All the Best, Doris


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2007
    Very soon, you'll come to the chapter that explains what's up with Ray. Hang in there, Doris! LOL

    I'm absolutely tickled pink (and all sorts of other colors) that you want to read the missed chapters! That's one of the nicest compliments I could get.

    Thanks a million, Doris!

    Marjorie
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Again, no constructive critisism. You are doing just great. The rivalry between the tow cops is a nice touch as well. Well, on to the next chapter.
hugs
book


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2007
    Yay!

    Thank you.
Comment by
hyway94
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You know this really sounds like you been thought this before, only kidding. I guess this will be the next show on Law and Order. How about the court part?


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2007
    Oh, John, I'd be absolutely lost trying to do a courtroom scene. I'm not up on my l "legalese". Maybe a course in law school would prepare me a little. LOL

    Thanks, buddy!

    Marjorie
Comment by
garnbev
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This was a great read. You handle the relationship between Woody and Ray great. Then Paul finds out Valerie was also having an affair. This held my interest from start to finish. I've nothing to critique. Nothing to change. Thanks for sharing this.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2007
    I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying the story. I hope you stay tuned, Garnbev.

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This chapter is still very well written, just as I had said before. I did find one thing to comment on, that I didn't the first time around in L&K

This line: Ray glared at Woody. - just seems to short and out of place. Woody just held up his hand to silence Ray and (we assume) in the next sentence spoke to Paul Daivs. Perhaps the sentence should incorporate not Ray's thoughts on Woody's silencing, but a visual glare, but respecting Woody's request remained silent ... or something like that??? It sounds like the writer just stuck that line in there to show Ray's anger at the situation, but the thought doesn't completely come off as complete. IMO!

Anway, that's all I could find with this well crafted chapter.



Hugs,

Heather


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2007
    I've revised that line, Heather. I do like it better. It doesn't sound as abrupt, but it still doesn't completely remove Ray's "hard edge" at this point. It now reads:

    Woody held his hand up. ?Just a minute, Ray. Mr. Davis, why don?t you just tell us what happened Friday and Saturday in your own words.?

    Ray glared at Woody, but waited, biding his time.

    Thanks for the suggestion as well as the great review and rating!

    Marjorie

reply by Pit Bull Mom on 02-Nov-2007
    Perfect! That's exactly what I meant!
  -1-  2 3  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
I Love Thee To The Brink
A Spenserian Sonnet


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy