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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Rebound"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  49 total reviews 
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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?I don?t know about this Costales character. If I shook his hand again, I think I'd want to go wash. (LOL! good line.)

Now they are really get into it knee-deep...can't wait to keep reading. (smile.)


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 06-Apr-2008
    Super! Just don't wear out your eyeballs. You need them to continue writing and posting your own novel!

    XO
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  196
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
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Excellent
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One thing I haven't commented on yet with this novel is your expertise with dialogue...I wish I had some of that talent! Good dialogue gives the reader way more information than just what's being said...and you do that beautifully, M.

Indy :>)


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2007
    Boy, you're good for my ego! Now, I may have to go put an ice pack on my head to keep the swelling down ... but I can put up with the inconvenience! LOL

    Seriously, thank you soooooo much, Indy. You're very kind and extremely generous.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Jer4Clarity
 
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Excellent
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Marjorie,

do you write this from scratch or do you outline it. The reason I ask is because of how smooth your transition is and the thought process of your characters is impeccable. I loved it!

~(;) Jer
Lover of Meanings
Creator of the Clarity Pyramid


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2007
    Hi Jer,

    I started out winging it. Eventually, though, I had to go to an outline because the time and action elements got pretty complex.

    Thanks so much for the wonderful compliment!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pooka
 
 
Good
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Coming into the novel this late makes it challenging to write a review... but I have to say I enjoyed reading this chapter and it was quite easy to understand what was going on. Lots of great character mannerisms described that do so much more for a character than the typical laundry list of traits...:)

This is as well written as other mystery novels I've read - though I've only a few dozen as I'm more into suspense and thrillers. I did pick up a little bit of repetition as Ray and Dick discuss possible avenues of exploration.... Other than that, the writing is tight, dialog flows easily.

Thanks for posting it!
Pooka


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    Pooka, welcome to FanStory. It's always great to have another writer join the group--it's a good one.

    Thanks so much for your wonderful comments. I appreciate your reading and reviewing this chapter.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Klavim
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Intriguing set up. I haven't read the previous chapters, but I think I'm going to do so very soon.
Well paced story and fleshed-out characters. If costales received a phone call and he actually picked up the phone, the phone company can verify that, and also the time. Picking up the phone would be his alibi, even if he was drunk at the time.
Looking forward to read the rest.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    There is so much to consider. Every detail has to orchestrated to fit with the time and situations. Phew! Yup! All of that has to be considered.

    That you want to read the earlier chapters as well is music to my ears!

    Thanks very much, Klavim.

    Marjorie
Comment by
kintesiegel
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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I had a strange experience when I was reading this which I guess accounts for the five stars. I felt as if I were seeing the story not reading it. Nice job very nice


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    That's super! What a fabulous compliment!

    Thanks so much, Kintesiegel.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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Excellent
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The infamous cigarette/cigar butt gets them every time, doesn't it?
I still don't think Costales had anything to do with Valerie's murder. I could be wrong, of course, but I just don't see it. I would even pick Paul over Ed Costales.

Anyway, this has really got me to wondering what in the world is going on with the bull, now ...

No nits or SPAG noted,

Heather


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    It can be a biggie, all right! LOL

    Thanks, Heather! Happy Thanksgiving.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Autumn'sRose
 
 
Good
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All in all, this was an enjoyable read. Your characters really pop off the pages. I think I need to go back and get to know them some more.

Just a few thoughts I made while reading.....

2nd para--delete ";" and replace with "." Fiction editors hate them.

"The allegations had to be flying back and forth hot and heavy." I'd add a "," after "forth".

"I 'd been drinking! I was drinking--a lot, all right?" I'd delete "I was drinking" and combine the two sentences. It reads smoother.

"Maybe his wife?s confession set Davis off like a fourth of July rocket." "Forth" should be capitalized.

Waverly lightly scratched his ample belly." I'd delete "lightly" and maybe find another way to make the sentence more showing.

I hope this helps!

Autumn'sRose


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    Yes, it definitely helps. It's what I need. I've just come back from editing and made the revisions. Thanks very, very much, Autumn's Rose!

    I'd love to have you delve into the characters some more!

    Marjorie
Comment by
GregoryC
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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The real strength in the story was how you developed the characters through the dialogue. Top notch work, so smoothe and realistic. That is the sign of a good writer - the dialogue has to sound convincing, and it does. Also good descriptive narration and in establishing an atmosphere with a pun on the word 'Dear." Altogether well done. I enjoyed reading it.
Gregory


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    What a wonderful compliment, Gregory! Thanks very much.

    Marjorie
Comment by
dip-a-dee-do
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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I liked this story - it's is very well written.
I like the devlopment of the charectors...
The dialogue is superb
It gives one a lot to think about..
It is very easy to read and the flow is great...
It kept my interest all the way through to the end..
This is very solid work - I found no problems..

Great write...
Donna




 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    Thank you so much, Donna. You know I appreciate it, right? A lot!

    Marjorie
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