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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Plan B"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  25 total reviews 
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
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ooh that Dana is such a little BEE-YOTCH! She's the kind of character we just love to hate. tee-hee.

I feel terrible for poor Nick. he's dumber than a bag of marbles isn't he?

You've got me hooked and gagging for more...


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2008
    Right on both counts, Tracy! hehehe

    Muh-wah!

    Marjorie
Comment by
tdddavis30
 
 
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Your storyline is compelling. I am going back to read more...

Comment - "She purred," - dialog attibution on steriods. Is this really necessary? Ususally a straight "she said" is all that's necessary. The words of the dialog do the work.

The dialog is good. It sounds real.


Nice characterization through dialog and action.

You've got something good here... keep at it..




 Comment Written 22-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 22-Nov-2007
    Thanks, TD! I decided to remove it altogether.

    I'm very complimented that you plan to read more. Thanks for that as well as your terrific review and suggestion!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Lois Delaney
 
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Very interesting, my dear. What's that so and so going to do now? Sounds like she's up to no good. I would think that Dana is saying 'Damn you, Nick one too many times, but when I imagine it to be on a T.V. show, it probably would work. Maybe a different phrase could be used, Like Shit, Nick! or whatever. Just not the constant repetition. Just my thoughts.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2007
    Thanks, I'll take a look at that. I appreciate your feedback!

    Happy Thanksgiving, Housemaid!

    Marjorie
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  196
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Ooooooooh what a nasty girl Dana is. A scheming, cruel, conniver who makes the story a real gem! She's one of those kind of characters that you love to hate.

Indy :>)


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2007
    She's so horrible, she's a star in her own right in this book. I can't tell you how much fun I had creating this nasty, nasty character.

    Cyber-hugs!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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This new "click on the stars" thing is wierd. On the last one I didn't know about this new rating thing and didn't notice until right before I hit save that it automatically puts a three rating in there and you have to change it. Yikes! Wonder how many people that's messed up?

I can't believe Paul would even considering going back with Dana so soon after Valerie died, plus having already broken it off with her. Then again, he did find out that Valerie was also having an affair, so maybe that's what made it okay in his mind to even think about Dana again - because the way he puts her off comes off as the ONLY reason he's putting her off is because talking to her right now, while he's under suspicion, would give the cops another motive against him.

I only had on small comment:
Can?t you do anything right, Nick? The cops are obviously looking for you now and somehow, you?ve managed to put Paul in jeopardy, too. Damn you! (This much internal though is kinda of a lot considering anyone regularly reading the story knows about the biker and what that's all about. A simply "Dam you, Nick. What have you done?" seems like it would suffice. (IMO).

Hugs,

Heather


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    A very good point! I think I'll go back right now and revise it. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a whole dang website to help a writer! Hahaha

    Muchas Gracia, Heather!
Comment by
hyway94
 
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Tell me I seem to have forgotten, is Dana an Blonde? Why not this story has everything except that. Maybe what she needs is a little of her own ideals to handle her, maybe from Nick.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    Hahhahahaha Strawberry-blonde actually, John! How perceptive! Hahahahahaha

    Thanks for your review and the laugh!

    Marjorie
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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What is the girl up to I wonder...lol....this was another enjoyable read and a pleasure as always to read.

I look forward to reading more of this story.

Sarah,


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2007
    Thank you, Sarah!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 20-Nov-2007
    You're welcome, as always I am ready for more.

    Sarah.
Comment by
Sandollar
 
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Okay, yeah, I hear you. Always nice to throw some stuff in the game, ain't it? Didn't she hear him say that he was a prime suspect? Again you get the story moving at a great pace and you don't stop until the story's done. Also an excellent job with Dana's character. You made it possible to see the little wheels turning in her head. Now I positively MUST go back and read to catch up. As always, great writing.

I found no errors.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2007
    Yay! If this can tease you into going back to the beginning, I'm ecstatic, Sandollar!

    Thanks very much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
mslink1
 
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Oh, my my my, what a web of backstabbing Dana doth create. I have a gut feeling though that gradually it will back fire on her--as far as being with Paul:)

Your author's notes are becoming quite a read themselves:) No spags just good writing. Mary


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2007
    LOLOL I'm glad you're enjoying my notes too, Mary! As far as Dana goes, she's smart, but not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. She's one of those people you love to hate! (Cliche, but true!)

    Thanks, Mary!

Comment by
2007 Novelist Of The Year
1archangel
 
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excellent post...am trying yo catch a few early morning reads here...your writing is excellent, Marjorie...always a joy to read and share...will read more when i am back from vaca


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2007



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2007
    I hope you''re having a fabulous time!

    Thank you, Ronnie.
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