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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Fabrication"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
Honus X Heppablatte
 
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Ghostly ,misty .Driving like rain. The rhythms are Aztecan and move with taxidermist raw precision. Promenade this up and down junkie street and you're sure to get beads! the writing is needle and camel conducive. Deep chocolate rich tone, intriguing piece altogether.


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    Many thanks, Honus!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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WOW, those boys are pulling out all the stops in their questioning, aren't they? Course, all of it is nonsense,because ..... ha! The bull, the dog...something is definitely not right in that small town.

Also, you might want to expland a bit more in the first chapter. Details make a story, and they wouldn't have been able to get Dana's number by having the phone company trace the number he called. In an earlier chapter you said he used a calling card. If he used a calling card, the phone company would only be able to register the number of the calling card he called. (The way those things work, you dial an 800 number that puts you into their system - like an automated system - after that, no numbers dialed would be contained in the phone company's records). The police would then have to contact or call the 800 number, give them specifics on the time they thought the call was made, and the card company would have to narrow it down until they found the right call coming in from the right area code. THEN the card company would be able to provide them with the phone number that was dialed. Strange, I know, and a bit more complicated, but that's the way it's done.

Anyway, I saw no other nits or SPAG to comment on.


Hugs,

Heather


 Comment Written 03-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 03-Dec-2007
    That info is a tremendous help, Heather. Thanks so much for filling me in. I'll take care of that oversight.

    Marjorie
Comment by
davidray
 
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Dang, girlfriend. I cannot find anything at the top of my head to change for ya! Right on, Marjorie! Excellent dialogue. Excellent movement. Excellent way to go!!
David


 Comment Written 03-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 03-Dec-2007
    The chapters involving Dana seemed to be some of the easiest chapters for me to write. I think her nastiness inspired my muse. LOL

    Thanks, David!

    Marjorie
Comment by
a1940sFan
 
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Boy, that Dana is a piece of work, isn't she? I'm with you on this one--she deserves all the hardship that's bound to come her way soon.

The twists and turns that you've provided in this rousing mystery story add layer upon layer of intrigue and interest, Marjorie. You give us clues, then along comes a twist and we're back to square one again.

When this one comes out, you're sure to get mail from bleary-eyed fans who couldn't get to sleep for having to read 'just one more page'!


 Comment Written 02-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    Oh, I would love nothing more than to see this book actually published some day. I would die a happy woman ... not to soon though, I hope! LOL

    Thanks very much, Marcia!

    Marjorie
Comment by
hyway94
 
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I guess I miss something. When did Chester Stockton die? Boy I must have been asleep. Now what is in store for us? It's really good keep it up.


 Comment Written 02-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    Hi John,

    The news that Chester Stockton died came at the end of the last chapter. After Ray, Woody and Neil did their 'brainstorming', Ray heard the news on the radio.

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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Tell yourself that over and over, but sometimes we tend to live and breath as they do, inside our heads.

I thought this was a great chapter and I enjoyed it throughly.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 02-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    You're definitely right about our characters, Sarah. Definitely!

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
CALLAHANMR
 
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The pace is picking up. Dana is feeling the interrogation heat. She changes her answers as more evidence is revealed. Her nervous smoking is a dead give away to the investigators.

Dana's revelations about Paul Davis could set off fireworks. I want to be there for the show.


 Comment Written 02-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    I had to laugh! We found out tonight that our son has a new girlfriend. Her name? Dana! This one sounds very nice, though! LOL

    Thank you, CALLAHANMR!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Buctar
 
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Marjorie:

The intrigue goes on. The story is building well. I'm enjoying it. Great plot working here.

A couple of observations:

?He's just?"
Ray wasn?t about to be stopped. ?If the friend happened to be (I don't think you need the "Ray wasn't about to be stopped." The em dash says he interrupted her.)

letting her stew in her own juices/ /. (Typo. remove the space before the period.)

well-respected, highly visible .... No, he Remove the space before the ellipses. {well-respected, highly visible.... No, he})

I enjoyed the read.

Bill


 Comment Written 01-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    Done, Bill! Thanks very much for your valuable help ... as always!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Sandollar
 
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Wow! The plot thickens, I see. Held my interest all the way to the end. That Dana. She's something else again. She seems to be making up as she goes along. Your writing was, as usual, flawless. Story is able to stand on its own for people who are just starting to read or don't know the background.

I also liked the whole question and answer sequence. These cops are no fools.
I found no errors.


 Comment Written 01-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    It's great to hear the interrogation strikes you that way. I always worry about those scenes ... and a lot of other stuff, too! LOL

    Thanks, Sandollar!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Marjorie,

Yes, she slithers and squirms - acts like something that likes to live under a rock.

I enjoyed reading this chapter, and I couldn't find anything to criticize.

Dave M


 Comment Written 01-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2007
    I just found out today that my son's new girlfriend's name is (drumroll) Dana! LOL
    This one sounds very nice, though. LOL

    Thanks, Dave!

    Marjorie
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