Love Can't Move Mountains
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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Tragedy"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
lerkun
 
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very good marjorie, it's a treat reading your work so nice and clean nothing to disturb the amazing visuals you create....look forward to the hook and whatever else your cookin' ... sounds like a paycut for s/1..

b well


lerk


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 05-Dec-2007
    LOL Thanks very much, Lerk!

    Marjorie
Comment by
CALLAHANMR
 
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What a fantastic story you are weaving. You move back and forth between scenes like a magician and always leave us suspended,

Now I want to discuss something that may be a problem with you story line. As I noted before, the bull, the Newells' dog Reggie and now Neil, appear to have a common affliction which resembles Rabies. That is possible, but from my years of working with nasty diseases (from rabies to Venezuelan Equine Encephalitis ), I don't know of any disease that would take over the human body as quickly and completely as Neil is afflicted.

I don't want to spoil your story and you may already have the answer to my concerns, but I want your disease to be authentic. If I can help you please let me know.

Incidentally our next novel will be SiFi about a man-made virus. I had to create both the virus and the cure.


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 05-Dec-2007
    Ooh! That sounds interesting and like quite a challenge too. Nothing you can't handle. I think you're magicians in your own right.

    I appreciate your help, CALLAHANMR. The resolution will be okay. Thanks so much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
RenieReader
 
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A great chapter that is leaving me nervous and apprehensive, Marjorie. Dang! I don't like the sounds of this. Neither Reggie or Neil are doing well. Then it sounds like you're killing poor Neil off after finally getting a date with Amy. Boo hoo hoo.

Tall, brown grasses sprang up on the (there's an Enter or something here.)
untended land--holdovers from the year before.

[It was an] old country road, people seldom used it except to cut across to a parallel highway.

Frightened by the tone of Neil's voice, the [Newell's==>Newells'] dog turned and fled across the field.

Renie


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 05-Dec-2007
    All fixed, Renie! You could do this professionally. It would sure pay a lot more!

    Lots of people are upset over Neil. That should make me glad, since I apparently made him the likable character I wanted him to be. I really didn't want to see him go either, though!

    Thanks, my friend!

    Marjorie

reply by RenieReader on 05-Dec-2007
    Thanks. There's not much call for copy editors in Utah. Calif. maybe. NYC, maybe. Here, no! This is more fun anyway.
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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Oh nooooooo, not our Neil--and just when he was feeling good. And what the heck was crawling around in that man's pants?? Yikes. I suppose we won't find out for a few chapters, huh? Keep 'em comin', Lady!

Smiles,
Indy :>)


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 05-Dec-2007
    At least I sent him out happy, Indy! It was the best I could do. It made me feel really rotten, though. Neil was a sweet guy. Darn it!

    The next one's in L&K. Shouldn't take too long to release it. I've got a great group helping me. They're A-1--each of them!

    Thanks, Indy!

    Marjorie
Comment by
medisec
 
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OOOHHH, what's happening here now? Good heavens, more excitement and suspense building. This is quite the book, Marjorie, I must say! Great job. Not a thing to change.

Well done. I'm looking forward to more, more, more!

Rae


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    Ray's about to get drawn more deeply into the odd goings-on. And let's not forget, we still have to deal with the likes of Dana, Nick, Ed Costales and Paul Davis, too!
    Fasten your seatbelt, Rae. LOL

    A super big thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
nor84
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I had the pleasure to review this in lock and key, so will not do an in-depth review at this point. The story is interesting, and the author has introduced an element of surprise into what appears to be common murder mystery. As one writer put it "by the creaking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes".


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    I only wish I could afford to pay you in Lock and Key, too, Norma. Thanks so much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
HealingMuse
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Hi Marjorie,

YA! Another terrific chapter!

Some small suggestions for your consideration:

"he breathed in the crisp spring air as he made the turn onto County K (COMMA - ???) along an open field. "

?The Chief?s dog!? (Should this be italicized, rather than in quotes, or did he say it, rather than think it?)

"The dog?s fur was matted with dirt--its left hip (CAKED) with (DRIED?) blood."

As nice of a character as he is, he may as well be written out - too egocentric! DOG ***FIRST*** - self afterwards!

Shrugs...

I guess that's the great thing about fi-i-i-ccc - you know... lol...

Thanks for sharing!

Now the evening feels "complete," as I've had my "Marjorie's story" fix - ha ha ha...

WRITE ON,

Jan


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    Like drugs, I'm best taken in small doses. LOL

    Your suggestions are terrific and I've put them to use. The one line was spoken dialogue, otherwise the revisions have been made. Muchas gracias!

    You're a gem, Jan!

    Marjorie
Comment by
azbukivedi
 
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What? Neil? Nooooooo. :((( Not fair. Not fair.
Oh well, you are da boss. I am always happy to see the e-mail announcement with your name on it.


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    I feel like a rat doing that to him, but at least I sent him off "happy". LOL

    Thank you, Sara, for reading, reviewing, your kindness and continuing support. You rock!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Teri7
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As always, you write such good chapters and very good stories. This is full of great wording and very good imagery. Great job my friend. God bless. Teri


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    Thank you very much, Teri!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Honus X Heppablatte
 
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A languid strum starts this fragile universal piece .A dainty hand holds these glass words by the fluted stem and swirls. This has legs ,it is thick as it bleeds down the sides of the glass slowly, filling the bottom with sweet goodness and hard sad loneliness. This is a serious outbreak of emotion from a crushed thing, laying lifeless beneath the spinning wheels of a calloused lover, the stark pain and anger are brilliantly interplayed against the soft gleaming perfectly placed words!


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 04-Dec-2007
    Wow! What can I say to that but "thank you, very, very much!"

    Your reviews read better than my story, Honus!

    Marjorie
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